Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes

Hopefully the Gift of Giving is Still Around

Marcus doesn't ask a lot from me, so when he does ask me to do something, I am eager to help. He sent out this email to many family and friends during the holidays. He also asked if I would post it to get the word out. Any help is better then nothing. This is very near and dear to Marcus.

As I am sure many of you know, in 2001 I was lucky enough to be able to travel to Romania and work with a charity helping homeless children in Bucharest. The charity is dedicated to helping find homes for the estimated 20,000 homeless children, many of whom currently live in the sewers in and around Bucharest. Because they are not able to house all of the children they opened the Hope Rescue Center. They bring children into this center for an hour a day. Here they are given basic first aid, food and clothing. They are also allowed to color and play. For these children this is their only break from begging in the freezing cold. It is the only chance they get each day to just be a kid. I have spent time in this center and with these beautiful children and I know how wonderful the work they do is.

The Romanian government has decided to demolish the Hope Rescue Center to build an overpass. You can read about this in their latest newsletter. The charity is in desperate need of $275,000 to purchase a building so they can relocate the Rescue Center and continue to be a small glimmer of light in these children’s life each day. I urge you to consider a small donation to this wonderful cause this Christmas season. I have donated a lot of my own time and money into this charity and have spent time in the rescue center with these children, some as young as 18 months old. I can assure you that your money is going to a wonderful cause. Please take a few minutes and read about the charity or watch this video and then consider a small donation to help.

Thank you for your consideration.

Marcus

Marcus Did Well

Marcus called me last week and said that he bought Christian a suit. I have to admit, I was a little afraid. I pictured a blue plaid thing or something. But Marcus did a very good job picking out Christian's new suit. He wore it to church on Christmas Eve.

Is It Over Yet?!

I am so ready for the holiday season to be over. Don't get me wrong, I get the whole "remember the season" and the "true meaning of Christmas". But, unfortunately, all the "other stuff" seems to be over-shadowing everything else.

This last week and a half has been INSANE. Jessi had her birthday party on Friday/Saturday. Friday she had a sleep-over with four other obnoxious nine/ten year olds. Christian decided to get sick that night--without clearing it with my schedule. Then on Saturday we had a party at the swimming pool in Layton for the other half of her party. Drama! Drama! Saturday was also Marcus' birthday so we had to do the whole birthday celebration with him as well.

On Sunday, the whole family had to talk in Sacrament. I have never had to talk in Sacrament before, so it was an experience. It went well, considering I didn't start planning my talk until 11:00 Saturday night with a sick baby. So the four of us went to church and the sick little one stayed home with Grandma. Then after church, we had Marcus' family party at our house. Everyone came over and had dinner and opened presents. Everyone had a really nice time; there were just so many people in the house at one time.

Monday, my sister, brother-in-law, and their baby flew in from Virginia. Whenever my sister and I get together we have to go shopping, we did a lot of that during the week. Don't forget, Christian is still sick during all this time. I had to do holiday baking, finish all my shopping, run a restaurant in a mall during this time of year, deliver all the holiday goodies to neighbors and friends, take care of a sick baby, and I am still sick most everyday from being pregnant. On Wednesday, I ended up taking Christian to the doctor. He just wasn't getting any better. I figured the Dr. would just tell me it was the flu and there was nothing they could do about it. I was wrong. I felt so bad for not taking Christian in sooner. Turns out he had two ear infections and possible pneumonia. Poor Kid. Then on Thursday, Kim, Dan, Madeleine, Christian, and I went to Vernal. Christian and I stayed until Saturday. Saturday, Marcus and I had to finish our last minute Christmas stuff and wrapping. We stayed up too late watching a very stupid movie, but did finish everything we needed to.

Sunday morning we had to take Marcus' mom her Christmas present and visit with her for a bit. Then we had church and another miniature Christmas party with Marcus' brother-in-law and nephew. Everyone has gone to look at Christmas lights, but I opted out. I needed ten minutes of "me time" and peace and quiet. In a little bit, the Christmas Eve rituals will all start and then the craziness begins again. I am so exhausted and I just need a couple hours to collect myself and get myself back together. But I don't get a couple of hours for who knows how long. I am looking so forward to New Year's to be here and gone and then life can slowly start to get back to being almost normal. Right?!

I Learned a Very Valuable Lesson Today...

I learned that sometimes it is better to walk away from a situation instead of saying something you may regret later on....

Finally!!

After a month of trying, I finally have my house to "Monica Standards". Most people wouldn't appreciate how important that fact is to me...but there are a few who know just how important that is. Everything is clean, laundry is going, and all Christmas decorations are put up. I do however, still have that annoying sock basket I promised I would never have in my house. All growing up when my mom would do laundry, she would throw all the socks into one basket and we had to find our own matches. Try doing this when you are in a huge hurry...there were seven of us in the house; it was never a quick process. I promised myself I would never have such a thing. (No offense Mom) With as sick and miserable as I have been, I started a sock basket. It is a cute wicker type basket, but that doesn't make it any better. I am deteremind to sort ALL socks and put away in the next day or two....It is my goal.

On a better note, today was the first day in over 2 and 1/2 months that I have not thrown up, gagged, or wanted to throw up all day. It was so nice to almost feel like myself again. I am freaking exhausted and ornery as all heck, but for now, oh well. Deal with it people; it's not getting any better. I bought my first maternity outfit today. I don't need it quite yet, but it was so cute and I know when I finally do need it, it wouldn't be there anymore. I am feeling thick-wasted and nasty. I have finally gained two pounds! I do have a little bit of a belly, but it's at the stage where people can't tell if I am pregnant or just putting on weight. Unlike most pregnant women, I am so excited to be getting a belly. I can't wait for my belly to catch up to certain other parts of my body. that have grown A LOT! Let's just say even my mother mentioned that I have grown "up top." Thanks for noticing Mom. So I am hoping that the way I felt today will be a continuous thing and I can enjoy the rest of my pregnancy....I guess we will wait and see.

It's Officially Over

Happy Barenaked Giving is now officially over. I had a very good weekend. Marcus, Christian and I drove back from Vernal on Friday. That trip gets longer and longer every time. Friday was my birthday and the girls came over to help celebrate it. Christian, Jessica, Taylor, and Marcus gave me a really cool basket stocked full of fun stuff. Christian stayed with a babysitter and the rest of us went to the Jazz/Laker game. It was really fun and a great game. Jazz won!! We got really good seats from Marcus' work. We all got new Jazz shirts to wear for the season. Then on Saturday, Marcus and I went to Gardner Village where we got massages, had lunch and did some shopping. It was so nice and relaxing after a crazy weekend. When we got home, we rested for awhile and then we went Christmas shopping. We are almost done and that is a good feeling. (done with the kids anyway. I haven't even began for anybody else yet.) Technically, Sunday should have been included in our little Happy Barenaked Giving weekend, but Sunday was a sick day. All during all the activities the past few days, I feel okay. I only had to use one of my really expensive drugs. (I spent $100 on four pills. I have two left. They are the best things in the world!!) Then on Sunday, I felt horrible. So luckily, all the fun activities were done and I could just lay around and sleep all day on Sunday. Now are little weekend is over and it's back to reality; back to work, back to cleaning, back to feeling sick everyday. We are going to be decorating for Christmas this week so hopefully I can stop worshipping the porcelain God long enough to make the house look good. Hopefully with some holiday decorating I can get in the Christmas spirit and enjoy the holidays.

Happy Barenaked Giving

Wednesday officially began our "Happy Barenaked Giving" weekend. There are quite a few things going on this weekend, and that title pretty much sums everything up. Wednesday we went to the Barenaked Ladies Concert in SLC. We met up with an old friend of Marcus' and went to dinner with them. The concert was really good. We got home extra late and had to get up extra early to leave for Vernal for Thanksgiving. We drove to Vernal early this morning and Christian was miserable. He doesn't do well on that long trip. We had a nice dinner with my family and just lounged around all day. Christian decided to get sick today and we have to watch him extra close to make sure he doesn't have a seizure today. So far, so good. We have to leave pretty early in the morning to get back home. Tomorrow is my birthday and we have tickets to the Jazz and Lakers game. Then on Saturday, Marcus has more plans for my birthday, but won't tell me what. Busy weekend, but lots of fun.

Scary Old Man

Merry Christmas! Christian is showing us his holiday spirit.

I Originally Said I Wasn't Complaining....

Whenever I didn't feel good, I would always start out by saying, "I'm not complaining but..." This time I am complaining....Hardcore!!! This past week has been the hardest week probably of my life. To spare everyone all the details, here is the last week and a half in a nutshell:

Thursday, Marcus and I went to the ER. I was having horrible pain and I was sure I was losing the baby. It was horrible. We saw my OB/GYN, and thankfully, the baby was fine. So then we were back to square one. I was still in horrible pain, but knowing the baby was fine made things so much easier. So we stayed in the ER for seven hours that day and then they wanted us to come back at 7:00 am the next morning. The Dr. was afraid it was my appendix, but because I was pregnant, they couldn't do a CT scan to make certain. So we came back the next morning and they hooked me up to more IV's because I was so dehydrated. The surgeon observed me all day and then decided later that night I needed to have surgery to remove my appendix. He basically told us if we waited and my appendix burst, we would lose the baby. If we went ahead and had the surgery, there was still a possibility of losing the baby. How in the world do we make that kind of choice? It was very hard and an emotional time, but I know now that we made the right decision. I went into surgery about five o'clock on Friday. My parents came out to help with Christian. I owe them big time. I came home from the hospital on Saturday morning and was just miserable. I was in pain from the surgery and then still sick with "normal" pregnancy issues. We went to see my OB/GYN on Tuesday to check the baby. Everything was fine with the baby but I was dehydrated. So back in the hospital for us. We had to stay there long enough to go through two bags of fluid. Since I was so dehydrated it went by pretty quickly. Marcus thankfully took the whole week off to help out; I owe him big time. I was slowly starting to feel better and even went with Marcus to Target for half on hour on Friday. Then that night I got so sick. Yah, I got the flu too. Go figure. Luckily, it only lasted for 24 hours and now on Sunday, I am feeling better. Not great, but I am slowly on the mend. So I figure everything happened all at the same time, the rest of the pregnancy is going to be smooth sailing. (Hopefully anyway)

I guess that wasn't really "in a nutshell" but it was a lot shorter then my original post I was going to put up. There are a lot of people I need to make thank you cards for now with all their help with Christian and bringing us dinner. I am going to be in Marcus' debt forever. I ran the poor guy ragged this past week. He is going back to work tomorrow, which to be honest, freaks me out. I still can't lift Christian for another week, so we'll see how we do. So yah, I am done saying I am not complaining...But personally, I think I have every right to...considering.

Baby Has a Heart!!!

Marcus and I went to the doctor yesterday and we were able to hear the baby's heartbeat!!! I have never had the opportunity to hear anything like that before. It was so amazing!!!! After our little scare this past weekend, being able to see and hear the baby made me feel so much better. I am now a lot more calm about the whole thing then I have been since we found out we were pregnant. The official due date is June 10, 2007. As long as we don't have the baby on the 14th, we are good. (We don't want to steal Madeleine's thunder.) The doctor has had me come in every two weeks, but now doesn't have me coming back for four, so he is optimistic things are going to be just fine.

Now I feel like I can start making plans and getting ideas for things. I was afraid before to get too excited or attached to the baby, but now I can't help but be excited and attached.

How Much More Of This???

This pregnancy is making me so sick. Before I start my ranting, I am not complaining about being sick. I am very grateful for being so miserable....But I am just that...MISERABLE!!! Everyday it is a guessing game if whether or not I can even get out of bed. (which with Christian, isn't really an option.) It is so bad that I had to ask the doctor for a prescription for something to help with the sickness. The pills make me feel better, but they knock me out. So now I have a choice to make: I am either horribly sick or unconscious. (Neither is that good of an option.) I am hoping that I am only sick for the first trimester...That is a whole month more, but I can't handle feeling like this until June. I am slacking on responsibilities I have, it is affecting the kind of mom I am, and I am just down right grumpy because I feel so horrible.

Marcus has been absolutely amazing during all this. He is so patient and understanding and gets me any little thing I need. The past week he has pretty much been working full time and then coming home and being a single parent. He runs to the store at any time, day or night, to get me anything I want. He seems to know what I want a lot of the time before I even know what it is. He has been giving me massages every night before bed that have been helping me sleep much better. He is amazing and I can't thank him enough.

I didn't think a lot of the "side effects" I am having happened so early in pregnancy. My chest hurts so bad!! I didn't think that happened until way later into the whole thing. My mom and sister (BRATS!) were not sick during their pregnancies....So why am I?? It's not fair!! :) I am losing weight from not being able to eat anything. The scale was lower this morning then it has been in seven years. I thought I was suppose to be gaining weight, not losing it. The thought of eating most food makes me so nauseous. Smells are horrible. I need to wear a mask that blocks out all smells. Can you tell I am miserable?? But, like I said earlier, I am not complaining. :)

Good Bye, Norma Jean

Marcus and I were invited to a Murder/Mystery party on Saturday. My character was Marilyn Monroe. I found the PERFECT costume. The party was pretty fun; it would have been much better if I wasn't so sick. Before we went to the party, Christian hesitated to even come near me. He just would stare at me like I was crazy. When I got home, he was a little less freaked out and decided he wanted to try on the wig. Marcus had to add the sunglasses for the finishing touch. So, who makes the better Marilyn? Me or Christian?!

Which One Is It?

So I need to figure out if I should be flattered or embarrassed....Jessi, who is almost ten, has gotten into this habit of wanting to borrow my clothes. I have let her borrow a few things here and there for the last little while, which has been no big deal. But, today I let her borrow my shirt and it got me thinking....Should I be flattered and feel good that a ten year old can share clothes with me or should I be embarrassed because I dress like a ten year old?!?!

Jessi is going on ten, but sometimes she acts like she is twenty. She is a very smart young lady, and we are becoming more of friends then stepdaughter/stepmom. It's nice to have someone who values my opinion and thinks I am pretty cool....Okay, maybe only sometimes does she think I am cool...But hey, that's better then never. She is getting to really like her personal space and her alone time with parents and friends. Poor Taylor just doesn't get that. Taylor is the exact opposite...She hates being alone and doesn't understand why Jessi would ever want to be without her. Those two can be the best of friends one minute, then the very next minute they are worst enemies. But even then, the fighting doesn't last long. I know that my relationship with the girls, Taylor in particular, hasn't always been perfect. And I know that there will be continued obstacles. The first time I have to hear, "But you aren't my mom!" will just break my heart. But things are going well now, and the three of us have some good times together. They are both growing up very quickly and like to act much older then they are some times. Hopefully as they continue to grow up and our relationship continues to grow, we can all stay close and they can realize how important they are to me.

So when I am thirty something and they are teenagers using my things, do I feel flattered or embarrassed? As long as we all look good, does it really matter?!

Worst Kept Secret

I can't keep secrets. I tell everybody everything. I can keep secrets that other people tell, just not anything about me or my life. Marcus and I got some news about a week and a half ago that we were determined to keep to ourselves. He told one of his sisters because we had a question regarding our secret. I told my sister because she is "my person", but no one else was going to be told anything for awhile. We went back and forth on this for awhile, and then changed our minds...A couple of times. After the sealing on Saturday, both of our families all went to lunch together. We changed our minds for the final time. We told our secret that we weren't going to tell anyone until at least December. We are pregnant!

There are so many mixed emotions to this whole thing. Ultimately, this is great news, but right up there with great news is extreme fear. Last time we were pregnant, we lost the baby at six weeks. After the miscarriage, we did a few different infertility treatments that didn't work. Then we brought Christian home and none of that mattered any more. We had put getting pregnant far out of our minds. We were perfectly content adopting. (which we still plan on doing again.) After being in Vegas and not feeling so great and being late with my monthly visitor, Marcus and I decided to take a home pregnancy test. Before Christian, I had taken so many of those darn things that I should have bought stock in that company; I would be a millionaire. I all ready knew what the results were going to be...The same thing it was time after time. I was tired of the disappointment. This time would have been better because we have our baby, but I was still afraid of the heartache. Then the one line appeared....Then the other line appeared. Seriously?! Seriously?! After all this time, it finally happened. I was completely speechless. There were so many thoughts swimming around in my mind: We aren't ready for another baby. We just barely got Christian. He deserves to be our baby for awhile. What if this pregnancy doesn't work either? Can I lose another baby? How do I go for the next while not freaking out over every little thing?

Marcus and I went to the doctor for confirmation. It is a new doctor from last time and so far, I really like him. He seems to watching us pretty closely. He has done a few different blood tests to make sure things are going along the way they should. He also did an ultrasound to see if he could see anything. We have a sac!! It was too early for him to see anything inside of it, but we go back in tomorrow to see if we can see anything yet. This pregnancy has made me a lot sicker and I have a lot more symptoms then last time. I know that means nothing, but whatever helps me get through this, I will hold onto.

I hate not having control over situations in my life. There is not a thing I can control about this pregnancy at this point. I just need to pray that whatever is suppose to happen will happen. Every night I thank God for letting me have another day of being pregnant...Right now that is all I can do.

Today We Became a Forever Family

Today Marcus, Christian and I went to the Bountiful Temple and were sealed together as a family. It was a wonderful day. We were heartbroken that Jessica and Taylor couldn't be there with us; our little family wasn't complete without them. We know this adoption has been hard on the girls because they are only with us half the time and don't always feel like a complete part of our family. One day we hope that we will be able to take them to the temple with us. We know that this will help them with some of the insecurities they have and let them know that they are just as important and special to us as Christian. Until that day we will continue to tell them how important they are to us and pray that they will know in their hearts that we love them every as much as our little boy.
Christian was so good at the temple. As usual, he had everyone fall in love with him after just a few minutes. He was giving all the ladies in the youth center "knuckles". He was so well-behaved it was almost scary. A lot of family and friends came to support us and show their love. After the sealing we went to the California Pizza Kitchen for lunch. (That was the first place we ever met Christian. We went there more out of the sentimental value of the place then for the food; let's just say I ate most of Christian's mac and cheese.) Marcus' mom was able to join us for lunch, along with Tiffany and Monty. It was good to have them be able to share this day with us as well. It was a perfect day!

I Am Becoming the Biggest Procrastinator...

I am buried in projects and things to do that are not getting done. This time of year is crazy and it only gets worse from here on out. Instead of marking things off my list, I keep adding to it. My poor one eye MinPin dog is still sleeping on towels because I haven't made her a new bed yet. I was suppose to do that back in early spring. Where does the time go? There is always so much to do and never enough time. I also can't tell anyone no, so I am taking on more and more every week it seems. I need to follow Nancy Regan's advice, "Just Say No". But, unfortunately, I can't tell anyone no. (No wonder I am graying prematurely.) I was going to be really good on updating my blog once a day; yah, that hasn't happened. I promise to TRY to do better; I didn't say I would, I said I would TRY!!!

Home Sweet Home

It feels so good to be home. No more all day meetings talking about Charley's. I did learn a lot, but after three days of talking about steak sandwiches, I am so done. The ride home seemed longer than the way there. Then once we got into town, we had to go get Christian from Mantua. We got home very late and were up even longer. Now it's back to my normal routine of chasing Christian out of the bathroom and keeping him out of my plant. (which has become his favorite new toy and so now I need to get rid of it b/c I have no where else it would look good.)

The highlights of Vegas were:
*Not having the little daily things to worry about
*The food...I love my food
*The wax museum
*The somersault in the hall of the Paris Hotel
*Coming home

The lowlights of Vegas were:
*My computer getting hacked into
*Marcus stealing my Ipod Shuffle (I was suppose to sit there...It is MINE!!)
*Being away from Christian and him wanting nothing to do with the telephone whenever we would call
*Talking about steak sandwiches for three freaking days!! (and then at breakfast, lunch, dinner, after dinner, and while trying to go to sleep)

Vegas was a good break from daily life, but I am very glad to be home.

What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas

I Hate Las Vegas

Okay, maybe hate is a strong word...but I really don't enjoy Las Vegas. Marcus and I are here for some meetings for the week, and all I can think about is that I miss my baby and want to go home. I have been to Las Vegas for medical conventions, Charley's meetings, family vacation, many other vacations, and my all time favorite visit, the Celine Dion show. Maybe because we live so close and have been here so much is one reason I don't like Las Vegas. Other reasons I don't like the place is that it is so sleazy, smelly and dirty. I feel like I am wearing too many clothes, I hate the way my clothes and hair smell while I am there, and everything is so dirty. (I refuse to touch any handrails or doorknobs in that city.) Don't get me wrong, there are fun things to do in Vegas: the wax museum, the M&M store, the shopping, the food, the roller coasters, etc., but that only entertains me for a day or two. In short, I'm bored and want to go home to my baby.

The Spaghetti O Incident

If this is what happens when Marcus feeds the baby when I am home, I don't even want to know what happens when I am not...

Wouldn't It Be Refreshing?

On tonight's episode of Grey's Anatomy, there was a patient who had a brain tumor. This wasn't just a brain tumor, this particular tumor made him say exactly what he thought. It didn't matter if it was rude, vulgar, or just plain wrong, he would say it. He would speak the truth and say exactly what he thought. For one day, I would love to be this brain tumor guy. I could say things that I would never normally say. I could tell people exactly how I felt with no fear of what would happen. I could say exactly what I thought and wouldn't have to feel bad about it. I worry far too much about hurting others feelings. For one day to be able to just spew out anything and everything would be so refreshing. Granted, the brain tumor guy died while McDreamy was operating on him, but still, one day of verbal diarrhea would be nice.

What If...

I was driving home from SLC today after eating lunch with Marcus. Christian was watching a great Elmo movie (I use the term "great" very loosely) and I was extremely tired and bored. So I got to thinking about all the "What If's" in life? What if I would have stayed in Vernal and not moved out to the "big city" after high school? I would live on a farm, milking cows in the morning and working at Wal-Mart in the afternoons. What if I would have pursued what I thought was, at the time, the love of my life? I would be babyless, penniless and probably living out of a cardboard box by now. What if I would have not sent Marcus the famous email? He would never have been manly enough to ask me out on his own. What if I didn't fall madly, deeply, head over heels for Marcus and wanted to spend the rest of forever with him? I wouldn't have any one to give my a hard time about my cankles, my adam's apple, my obsession with Grey's Anatomy, or my BIG mistake of spending $100 on TMX Elmo. I also wouldn't have anyone to make me feel as special and wonderful as he does every single day. What if I wouldn't have had a miscarriage or failed attempts at infertility treatments? I wouldn't have the most beautiful, most wonderful, funniest little boy in the world who can just look at me with his big, brown eyes and melt my heart. So I decided today that life takes you down the paths that you are meant to be on. Sometimes life seems to be awful, horrible and down right sucky. But things seem to always work out the way they are suppose to be. I could sit for hours and think about all the what if's in life and all the different paths and places I could be right now, but I am perfectly happy right now where I am.

Why 9 Inch Cankles?

I have had several people want to know why I gave my blog the name of "9 Inch Cankles". There isn't much behind it other than my husband thinking he is pretty funny. About a month ago, Marcus and I decided we wanted to start being healthier then we currently were. We each set a goal and if we met it by Dec.1, we each got a reward. My reward was money to go shopping. I will do whatever it takes to go shopping. In order to set my individual goals, I measured parts of my body where I would like to see weight disappear. I made some comment about having cankles. (If anyone does not know what a cankle is, it is when your calf and foot meet with out much change.) I have never really been over weight or unhealthy; I am just blessed with thick ankles. So we measured my ankles and Marcus' ankles, and yes, mine were bigger...9 inches around. Then later on, Marcus made some crack to my sister about how I should maybe join a support group about my cankles and it could be called 9 inch cankles.com. (Like I said earlier, HE thinks he's funny...I never said I did.) I had been thinking about doing a blog for awhile and thought it would be unique to make that my name, so I did....I wish there was a cooler story behind it. But I am very glad that Marcus and I have started to be healthy. It isn't a diet we are doing, it's a complete lifestyle change. (Especially for me) I have never had to watch what I eat or really even cared. I will be the first to admit that I am pretty vain; I won't leave the house without my hair or makeup done. I was starting to feel fat and ugly and needed a change. (We all have those days, right? RIGHT?!) I get tired of people who always complain about something that they are the only ones that can do anything about. I didn't want to become one of those people, so I decided to do something about it. Since we have started this, we both feel so much better. I have lost 9 pounds and two sizes since the beginning. Marcus said he didn't think I needed to lose anything, but he supports me in anything I do. It's much easier to eat healthier when you have someone to do it with. Now I feel better and just need to get off my lazy behind and exercise...I just love my sleep too much!

I belong in a Biology Class...

I feel like everything I do as a parent is examined under a microscope. I don't know if this is a normal feeling for parents, moms in particular, or if in my unique situation, I am observed more closely than most. Any decision, regardless of how small or big it is, is completely dissected and studied. Any comment I make is thoroughly analyzed. I don't know if it is because I have not given birth to any of the children I raise or help raise, or if it's because I have never had an infant to raise. (For anyone who does not know me personally: I have two step-daughters who are eight and nine. They were five and six when Marcus and I got married. Then we adopted Christian in Feb. And he was 12 months old at the time. As you can see, I have a very unique situation.) I also have to wonder if I get viewed as a "real" parent sometimes. I know that all parents get unsolicited advice, especially with your first child, but it feels like more then that to me. I went to school to get a degree in Integrated Studies. One thing I was studying was Child Development/Child Care. I do feel like every once in awhile I do know what I am talking about and what I am doing; not all the time, but once in a while. I get no credit for my knowledge. I know as a parent you have to change the way you act, the way you talk, the way you behave a lot of the times. Things are different when you suddenly have another person who is your complete responsibility. You are responsible to teach this child how to treat others and how to be a good, decent person in a scary, messed up world. I personally don't think I am doing that awful of a job, but with comments and suggestions I sometimes receive, I can't help but doubt every little move I make. Instead of feeling like a frog in the Biology class, I want to feel like the teacher of that Biology class: proud of what she is teaching and all that she has taught to the ones she cares for.

I Love "Happy Thursday"!!

My husband is wonderful!! He has started his own little holiday just for me. The first Thursday in September is "Happy Thursday". This started three years ago with a simple phone call. He was at work and I was home not having a very great day. He told me I needed to come to the mall (where our restaurant is) as soon as I could. I got there and Marcus gave me a gift certificate to get a manicure and a pedicure. I love things like that!! He also gave me a Happy Thursday card; he got a Happy Birthday card and crossed out Birthday and put Thursday. I thought it was just a nice thing he had done for me and never thought he would think of it again. I was wrong. Last year, he gave me a laptop. It is my favorite present he has ever given me (other then my ring) and I use it ALL the time. Then this year, he gave me another great gift. He gave me a gift bag that was full of FUN stuff. There were chocolate covered strawberries (even though I am trying to give up sugar), a gift card to Old Navy and my favorite gift this Happy Thursday was the Season 2 DVD set of Grey's Anatomy. Happy Thursday is better than my birthday or Christmas. It is just a nice, little thing he does just for me just because. He spoils me on all the holidays and every day in between, but Happy Thursday is my favorite.

Normal?! Seriously?!?!

We took Christian to the doctor today to follow up on his little episode from this weekend. The doctor answered all our questions and was very informative about the whole thing. However, she did say it was normal and to expect Christian to have more seizures. NORMAL?? How normal is it to watch your little boy shake uncontrollably and not be able to breath? That is not my definition of normal. She also recommended to us that we get certified in CPR so if we need to, we know how to give Christian mouth to mouth. Train me all you want, but when my baby can't breath you honestly expect me to be able to stay calm enough to remember jack-diddly-squat??? Seriously?!! So being the OCD freak that I am: I have made special instructions for Christian that we can hang on the fridge, put in his diaper bag, and to give to day care; I have made arrangements to get me and Marcus certified in CPR; I have bought two new thermometers to put one in his diaper bag and one at home; and if you thought I was picky before about who I get to babysit, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Oh What A Night!!

Just when I start to complain that my life is boring....I end up eating my own words. Last night Marcus and I went to a football game in Logan and watched the Utes slaughter USU. We took Christian to Grammy Jean's while we went to the game. I had a surprisingly good time watching the game and would be willing to even go again. After the game we stopped by Marcus' mom's house to pick up Christian and for Marcus to fix her computer. Christian was acting completely fine-playing and getting into everything. Marcus was on the couch with him tickling and playing with him and Christian started to cry. He wouldn't stand up or calm down and then Marcus noticed that his eyes had rolled up into the back of his head. Christian started to have a seizure. He had one back in May and it scared me to death; this one was no different expect for thankfully I wasn't alone this time. After the shaking stopped we thought it was over, but then Christian stopped breathing. It wasn't for long, but it was long enough to make my world stop. I honestly thought I was watching my baby die in his daddy's arms. We were getting ready to give him CPR (thankfully Grammy Jean is a nurse) when he started to take short shallow breaths. It seemed like it took forever to get the ambulance there and for the EMTs to take over. They took me and Christian in the ambulance to the hospital and Marcus followed in the van. I can now say I am an official mommy; I have had Christian's pee on me, his poop on me, and last night, he threw up all over the both of us in the ambulance. To spare everyone all the medical mumbo jumbo they did when we arrived at the hospital and as my mom would say "to make a long story short", Christian is okay and they think the seizure was brought on by his fever....Which we didn't even know he had since it was so minor. The doctor said to expect him to have seizures when he gets a fever until he is about five or six. I thought I was a paranoid freak before, you just wait and see how bad I get now. I will now not leave the house without a GOOD, WORKING thermometer and baby tylenol. I will also be freaked out to leave him with anyone other than Marcus. So I take back what I said about my life...I would much rather have a boring life then to relive an experience like last night.

It's Sad...Really

The other day I put Christian in a pair of pants that ended up looking more like capris, and boys just shouldn't do capris. So I decided that it was time to go through his closet and put some clothes into storage for possible use later. It was really sad. We all ready missed out on the first year of his life, and now he thinks he needs to keep growing. I know that we brought Christian home when we did for a reason, but when I really think about everything we missed, it breaks my heart. His first smile, his first tooth, the first time he crawled or rolled over...all the little things that add up to great big things. All the milestones we have experienced with him have been incredible, but I still can't help but feel a little empty. I think I treasure every cute thing he does and every "1st" more then most parents do with their own children because of that. But to have to admit he is growing up as quickly as he is really stinks...so I am going into denial. He is still my baby...I just have to find a way to convince Christian of that.

Monica & the Stinking, Rotten, Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day...

If I would have known what kind of day I was going to have when my alarm went off yesterday morning, I so would not have gotten out of bed at all. I was suppose to paint Taylor's fingernails on Sunday; that didn't happen...Then it was suppose to be Tuesday...Yah, that didn't happen either. So I started to feel guilty that I kept having to tell her no. Because I am a pushover, we got up at 7:00 this morning to paint fingernails. Then after they were painted, she wanted decals on them that covered her whole finger...So painting them was not necessary. Then as Christian and I were leaving to go meet Marcus for lunch in SLC, I tripped over my shoe (they were cute, just not good ones to be carrying a baby with) while holding the baby. So of course the motherly instinct kicks in and I have to protect him from falling which leaves me nothing to brace myself with. So I end up hitting my head on the corner of the van door and now I am left with a HUGE goose egg on my head and an even BIGGER headache. Taylor comes home from school totally hysterical. She was bitten by a neighbor's dog while riding her scooter home from school. So we had to clean her leg, talk to the neighbors, deal with animal control; it was loads of fun. After I think things are calming down, Jessi decides she needs to stub her toe to the point of nasty; blood, missing nail, the works. During all this after-school fun, Christian is up in his crib (suppose to be napping) screaming his lungs out because he was locked up in his room all alone with no one to give him attention. My old boss from the eye doctor called and offered me my old job back. The selfish side of me really wants to take it: extra money, actual adult interaction, and I really liked my job. But the rational, realist side of me helped me realize that working an actual job (b/c we all know the one I have now is fake) just isn't in the cards right now. Then the worst thing of the day happened....I opened my cupboard and had no red food coloring for my lip cookies I had to make for the girls at Activity Days!! I had to frost them white frosting and add pink crystals...Not so cute. (It's only worse then Taylor's accident b/c Taylor has completely recovered from her ordeal...Unless you remind her of it) So needless to say when it was time for bed, I was more then ready. All I wanted to do was bury my head under the covers and not come out for awhile.