Marcus and I were married in April of 2003. By June of that same year, we decided it was time for a baby of our own. We had Marcus' girls here every other week and we had dated for two years before we were married so we both felt it was baby time. It took awhile, but we finally got pregnant. We were so excited and couldn't wait to have our baby. We immediately told everyone and had even picked out a few names. Six weeks into the pregnancy, we lost the baby. At the time, this was the worst thing that had ever happened to me, and I honestly didn't know if I would ever be able to pick up the pieces and move on. My heart was shattered and there was nothing anyone could do to fix it. Now, I am thankful for that experience. If we hadn't have had that miscarriage, I would not get to be the mommy to the most awesome little boy ever.
After the miscarriage, we tried and tried and tried to get pregnant again. Nothing happened. We went to doctor after doctor. We saw at least two infertility specialists. Spent thousands of dollars on unsuccessful treatments, drugs, tests and procedures. We had one doctor tell me I would never get pregnant and other doctors would tell us they had no idea why we were not getting pregnant. We had what they call "Unexplained Infertility." Having that as a label made it even worse for me. If I can't get pregnant, I would like to at least know why. Marcus all ready was the father to two children, so of course I knew it was me who was broken. Broken; that's exactly how you feel when you can't do the one thing you know you where put on this earth to do.
Clomid, HSG test, even artificial insemination and nothing. I didn't want to try In Vitro Fertilization. Too much money and no guarantee we would even get pregnant or able to carry the baby to term. Adoption had always been an option to us. It had such a big price tag attached to it, but it was something we both wanted. We could try In Vitro for the same amount of money and possibly have no baby, or we adopt and are finally going to be blessed with a little one to call our own. I knew all growing up and into my teenage years that I was going to adopt a beautiful brown little boy. This was before I knew who I was going to marry or that I wasn't going to be able to get pregnant. In the back of my mind, I just knew there was a wonderful little boy out there somewhere that someday was going to call me mommy.
I mentioned to Marcus that if we are going to look at adoption, that I wanted to adopt an African American baby. There was never a second of hesitation from either one of us. We knew what we were suppose to do, now we just needed to find the means to do it with. One night, I was in the bathtub and Marcus was on our bed looking at adoption agencies on his laptop. He says, "I found the agency where we are going to get our baby from." I'm thinking, "Uh huh..whatever." But unfortunately, he was right. (I hate it when that happens.) :)
We called Heart and Soul Adoptions and got the ball rolling. We got the paperwork we were suppose to fill out, got our home study done by the best Social Worker in the world, and were just getting ready to wait the long wait for a baby. Eleven days after we contacted the agency, two days after our home study and before our paperwork was even filled out completely and handed in, we got THE phone call. There were only two problems with the phone call: 1. I had missed the original call and was on my way to church and 2. Marcus was on an airplane with his phone off and was going to be gone for three weeks. What was I suppose to do?? If I couldn't get a hold of Marcus and call the agency back, would they skip over us? Should I just call them without talking to Marcus first? Could I make a decision like that on my own? Needless to say, I was freaking out!!
More story to come and there will be cute pictures too!!! ;)