Sunday, September 24, 2006

I belong in a Biology Class...

I feel like everything I do as a parent is examined under a microscope. I don't know if this is a normal feeling for parents, moms in particular, or if in my unique situation, I am observed more closely than most. Any decision, regardless of how small or big it is, is completely dissected and studied. Any comment I make is thoroughly analyzed. I don't know if it is because I have not given birth to any of the children I raise or help raise, or if it's because I have never had an infant to raise. (For anyone who does not know me personally: I have two step-daughters who are eight and nine. They were five and six when Marcus and I got married. Then we adopted Christian in Feb. And he was 12 months old at the time. As you can see, I have a very unique situation.) I also have to wonder if I get viewed as a "real" parent sometimes. I know that all parents get unsolicited advice, especially with your first child, but it feels like more then that to me. I went to school to get a degree in Integrated Studies. One thing I was studying was Child Development/Child Care. I do feel like every once in awhile I do know what I am talking about and what I am doing; not all the time, but once in a while. I get no credit for my knowledge. I know as a parent you have to change the way you act, the way you talk, the way you behave a lot of the times. Things are different when you suddenly have another person who is your complete responsibility. You are responsible to teach this child how to treat others and how to be a good, decent person in a scary, messed up world. I personally don't think I am doing that awful of a job, but with comments and suggestions I sometimes receive, I can't help but doubt every little move I make. Instead of feeling like a frog in the Biology class, I want to feel like the teacher of that Biology class: proud of what she is teaching and all that she has taught to the ones she cares for.

1 comment:

Kim said...

Coming from someone who has had a baby of her own: no, it isn't any easier and you don't feel any less doubtful of your abilities (and all too often, lack thereof). Even though I have only been a mom for three months, if I had to pick one person's mothering skills and practices to emulate, it would be yours. You are a good mom and it drives me nuts that sometimes that gets questioned and goes under-appreciated. Yes, your situation is very unique but I just think that speaks to your strength of character that you can be a good mom to all of these kids despite the crazy circumstances. Besides, you’re the only other person I would trust making decisions regarding my child and I think that says something (since we all know how freaking crazy I am).