Monday, October 30, 2006

Good Bye, Norma Jean

Marcus and I were invited to a Murder/Mystery party on Saturday. My character was Marilyn Monroe. I found the PERFECT costume. The party was pretty fun; it would have been much better if I wasn't so sick. Before we went to the party, Christian hesitated to even come near me. He just would stare at me like I was crazy. When I got home, he was a little less freaked out and decided he wanted to try on the wig. Marcus had to add the sunglasses for the finishing touch. So, who makes the better Marilyn? Me or Christian?!

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Which One Is It?

So I need to figure out if I should be flattered or embarrassed....Jessi, who is almost ten, has gotten into this habit of wanting to borrow my clothes. I have let her borrow a few things here and there for the last little while, which has been no big deal. But, today I let her borrow my shirt and it got me thinking....Should I be flattered and feel good that a ten year old can share clothes with me or should I be embarrassed because I dress like a ten year old?!?!

Jessi is going on ten, but sometimes she acts like she is twenty. She is a very smart young lady, and we are becoming more of friends then stepdaughter/stepmom. It's nice to have someone who values my opinion and thinks I am pretty cool....Okay, maybe only sometimes does she think I am cool...But hey, that's better then never. She is getting to really like her personal space and her alone time with parents and friends. Poor Taylor just doesn't get that. Taylor is the exact opposite...She hates being alone and doesn't understand why Jessi would ever want to be without her. Those two can be the best of friends one minute, then the very next minute they are worst enemies. But even then, the fighting doesn't last long. I know that my relationship with the girls, Taylor in particular, hasn't always been perfect. And I know that there will be continued obstacles. The first time I have to hear, "But you aren't my mom!" will just break my heart. But things are going well now, and the three of us have some good times together. They are both growing up very quickly and like to act much older then they are some times. Hopefully as they continue to grow up and our relationship continues to grow, we can all stay close and they can realize how important they are to me.

So when I am thirty something and they are teenagers using my things, do I feel flattered or embarrassed? As long as we all look good, does it really matter?!

Monday, October 16, 2006

Worst Kept Secret

I can't keep secrets. I tell everybody everything. I can keep secrets that other people tell, just not anything about me or my life. Marcus and I got some news about a week and a half ago that we were determined to keep to ourselves. He told one of his sisters because we had a question regarding our secret. I told my sister because she is "my person", but no one else was going to be told anything for awhile. We went back and forth on this for awhile, and then changed our minds...A couple of times. After the sealing on Saturday, both of our families all went to lunch together. We changed our minds for the final time. We told our secret that we weren't going to tell anyone until at least December. We are pregnant!

There are so many mixed emotions to this whole thing. Ultimately, this is great news, but right up there with great news is extreme fear. Last time we were pregnant, we lost the baby at six weeks. After the miscarriage, we did a few different infertility treatments that didn't work. Then we brought Christian home and none of that mattered any more. We had put getting pregnant far out of our minds. We were perfectly content adopting. (which we still plan on doing again.) After being in Vegas and not feeling so great and being late with my monthly visitor, Marcus and I decided to take a home pregnancy test. Before Christian, I had taken so many of those darn things that I should have bought stock in that company; I would be a millionaire. I all ready knew what the results were going to be...The same thing it was time after time. I was tired of the disappointment. This time would have been better because we have our baby, but I was still afraid of the heartache. Then the one line appeared....Then the other line appeared. Seriously?! Seriously?! After all this time, it finally happened. I was completely speechless. There were so many thoughts swimming around in my mind: We aren't ready for another baby. We just barely got Christian. He deserves to be our baby for awhile. What if this pregnancy doesn't work either? Can I lose another baby? How do I go for the next while not freaking out over every little thing?

Marcus and I went to the doctor for confirmation. It is a new doctor from last time and so far, I really like him. He seems to watching us pretty closely. He has done a few different blood tests to make sure things are going along the way they should. He also did an ultrasound to see if he could see anything. We have a sac!! It was too early for him to see anything inside of it, but we go back in tomorrow to see if we can see anything yet. This pregnancy has made me a lot sicker and I have a lot more symptoms then last time. I know that means nothing, but whatever helps me get through this, I will hold onto.

I hate not having control over situations in my life. There is not a thing I can control about this pregnancy at this point. I just need to pray that whatever is suppose to happen will happen. Every night I thank God for letting me have another day of being pregnant...Right now that is all I can do.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Today We Became a Forever Family

Today Marcus, Christian and I went to the Bountiful Temple and were sealed together as a family. It was a wonderful day. We were heartbroken that Jessica and Taylor couldn't be there with us; our little family wasn't complete without them. We know this adoption has been hard on the girls because they are only with us half the time and don't always feel like a complete part of our family. One day we hope that we will be able to take them to the temple with us. We know that this will help them with some of the insecurities they have and let them know that they are just as important and special to us as Christian. Until that day we will continue to tell them how important they are to us and pray that they will know in their hearts that we love them every as much as our little boy.
Christian was so good at the temple. As usual, he had everyone fall in love with him after just a few minutes. He was giving all the ladies in the youth center "knuckles". He was so well-behaved it was almost scary. A lot of family and friends came to support us and show their love. After the sealing we went to the California Pizza Kitchen for lunch. (That was the first place we ever met Christian. We went there more out of the sentimental value of the place then for the food; let's just say I ate most of Christian's mac and cheese.) Marcus' mom was able to join us for lunch, along with Tiffany and Monty. It was good to have them be able to share this day with us as well. It was a perfect day!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

I Am Becoming the Biggest Procrastinator...

I am buried in projects and things to do that are not getting done. This time of year is crazy and it only gets worse from here on out. Instead of marking things off my list, I keep adding to it. My poor one eye MinPin dog is still sleeping on towels because I haven't made her a new bed yet. I was suppose to do that back in early spring. Where does the time go? There is always so much to do and never enough time. I also can't tell anyone no, so I am taking on more and more every week it seems. I need to follow Nancy Regan's advice, "Just Say No". But, unfortunately, I can't tell anyone no. (No wonder I am graying prematurely.) I was going to be really good on updating my blog once a day; yah, that hasn't happened. I promise to TRY to do better; I didn't say I would, I said I would TRY!!!

Friday, October 06, 2006

Home Sweet Home

It feels so good to be home. No more all day meetings talking about Charley's. I did learn a lot, but after three days of talking about steak sandwiches, I am so done. The ride home seemed longer than the way there. Then once we got into town, we had to go get Christian from Mantua. We got home very late and were up even longer. Now it's back to my normal routine of chasing Christian out of the bathroom and keeping him out of my plant. (which has become his favorite new toy and so now I need to get rid of it b/c I have no where else it would look good.)

The highlights of Vegas were:
*Not having the little daily things to worry about
*The food...I love my food
*The wax museum
*The somersault in the hall of the Paris Hotel
*Coming home

The lowlights of Vegas were:
*My computer getting hacked into
*Marcus stealing my Ipod Shuffle (I was suppose to sit there...It is MINE!!)
*Being away from Christian and him wanting nothing to do with the telephone whenever we would call
*Talking about steak sandwiches for three freaking days!! (and then at breakfast, lunch, dinner, after dinner, and while trying to go to sleep)

Vegas was a good break from daily life, but I am very glad to be home.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas

I Hate Las Vegas

Okay, maybe hate is a strong word...but I really don't enjoy Las Vegas. Marcus and I are here for some meetings for the week, and all I can think about is that I miss my baby and want to go home. I have been to Las Vegas for medical conventions, Charley's meetings, family vacation, many other vacations, and my all time favorite visit, the Celine Dion show. Maybe because we live so close and have been here so much is one reason I don't like Las Vegas. Other reasons I don't like the place is that it is so sleazy, smelly and dirty. I feel like I am wearing too many clothes, I hate the way my clothes and hair smell while I am there, and everything is so dirty. (I refuse to touch any handrails or doorknobs in that city.) Don't get me wrong, there are fun things to do in Vegas: the wax museum, the M&M store, the shopping, the food, the roller coasters, etc., but that only entertains me for a day or two. In short, I'm bored and want to go home to my baby.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The Spaghetti O Incident

If this is what happens when Marcus feeds the baby when I am home, I don't even want to know what happens when I am not...