Sunday, August 22, 2010

Not Always Rainbows and Butterflies...

I have been MIA for awhile. I wish I could blame it on some wonderful vacation we have been on...laying on the beach drinking drinks with umbrellas in them. Or that we have been soo busy doing so many awesome activities this summer that I haven't had a chance to do anything but have fun. But truth be told, I haven't done anything. And I don't want to do anything. I don't want to go anywhere or see anyone. I have been in a dark place for awhile and just barely have decided it's time to let some light back in. We seem to be experiencing the "if it can go wrong, it will go wrong" syndrome the past four months. It's hard to stay positive and keep my head up with some of the things I have had to deal with. I'm not trying to have a pity party...I've had enough of those. I feel like I owe some people an explanation. I have let people down. I haven't upheld commitments. I have gotten lazy in my work and my church calling. My poor kids have seen a side of me I am not very proud of. I have had my faith tested. There are days I have stayed in my sweats all day and haven't done a thing. I have let my to do list get longer and longer and let my responsibilites and commitments take a back seat.

We have experienced financial problems, family problems and personal problems. Every time I thought I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, it turned out to be a train pushing me back off track. I have finally taken a step back and realized I have had enough. I will no longer sit back and feel sorry myself. I will be the mom I know I can be and the person that I know I should be. I'm still dealing with a lot of issues, but with the help of a little "happy pill" and an AwEsOmE family I am getting back to who I want to be. I have always thought I had to be perfect and try to do everything and be Wonder Woman. If I haven't learned anything else from these past four months, I can say that I have learned that I can't do it all and I am far from perfect.

Every blog I read seems to be about how perfect their little lives are and how perfect their family is. I am not afraid to write about the bad stuff. Life isn't always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes there are dark clouds and thunder storms. I think it's how we get through those hard times that define us and makes us who we are. I am Monica and I have issues.