Not Always Rainbows and Butterflies...

I have been MIA for awhile. I wish I could blame it on some wonderful vacation we have been on...laying on the beach drinking drinks with umbrellas in them. Or that we have been soo busy doing so many awesome activities this summer that I haven't had a chance to do anything but have fun. But truth be told, I haven't done anything. And I don't want to do anything. I don't want to go anywhere or see anyone. I have been in a dark place for awhile and just barely have decided it's time to let some light back in. We seem to be experiencing the "if it can go wrong, it will go wrong" syndrome the past four months. It's hard to stay positive and keep my head up with some of the things I have had to deal with. I'm not trying to have a pity party...I've had enough of those. I feel like I owe some people an explanation. I have let people down. I haven't upheld commitments. I have gotten lazy in my work and my church calling. My poor kids have seen a side of me I am not very proud of. I have had my faith tested. There are days I have stayed in my sweats all day and haven't done a thing. I have let my to do list get longer and longer and let my responsibilites and commitments take a back seat.

We have experienced financial problems, family problems and personal problems. Every time I thought I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, it turned out to be a train pushing me back off track. I have finally taken a step back and realized I have had enough. I will no longer sit back and feel sorry myself. I will be the mom I know I can be and the person that I know I should be. I'm still dealing with a lot of issues, but with the help of a little "happy pill" and an AwEsOmE family I am getting back to who I want to be. I have always thought I had to be perfect and try to do everything and be Wonder Woman. If I haven't learned anything else from these past four months, I can say that I have learned that I can't do it all and I am far from perfect.

Every blog I read seems to be about how perfect their little lives are and how perfect their family is. I am not afraid to write about the bad stuff. Life isn't always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes there are dark clouds and thunder storms. I think it's how we get through those hard times that define us and makes us who we are. I am Monica and I have issues.

HaPpY BiRtHdAy, EmMa!!!

How does a little baby go from this...

...to this in a blink of an eye?

Happy 3rd Birthday, Emma.

Tiny Dancer...

We signed Emma up for a Mommy and Me dance class this last fall. They had their Spring concert a couple of weeks ago. When classes first started, I had to ask myself, "What in the world did I do?" Emma didn't listen, didn't dance, didn't do much of anything. All she wanted to do was run around and then sit on my lap. Then after Christmas break, something just clicked. She is a totally different little dancer now. She was so excited for her concert. She loved it!! She knows the technical names of the a lot the moves and is dancing around the house all the time now. We weren't going to sign her up for summer classes, but after the concert she wouldn't stop talking about dancing or her class. So I caved and signed her up for summer classes. I don't stay with her anymore; she has moved up to the 3/4 year old class. It has been two weeks and she is still loving it.

She LoVeD her trophy and flower. After the concert we went and got ice cream...well sorbet for the little dancer. Emma did GrEaT! I was so worried she would just get on stage and stand there. I was very impressed. I love this little girl to pieces!!

Welcome To The Zoo...

A couple of weekends ago, Marcus took his girls to a Brian Regan concert in St. George. I wasn't about to just sit at home with Christian and Emma so we went to the zoo with my sister and her girls. Christian hadn't been to the zoo in a long time and Emma had never gone. Emma loved it. Christian was on his own page that day and wanted to do his own thing, but it was fun.

They had to tell the giraffes hi from daddy.

Emma was the only one who would be in my pictures.

We had to ride the carousel and the train.

The day after the zoo Emma got sick and has been fighting it ever since. She has so politely passed it on to me. She said the snakes from the zoo made her sick. Stinkin' snakes!

This picture is just hilarious. The attitude on Emma's face is priceless!! She asked me to take their picture and she kept doing that exact same face.

This is a sneak peak of my next post..So FrEaKiN AdOrAbLe!!!

Happy Mother's Day...

Happy Mother's Day to all you awesome moms out there!!

My Grandma and my mom


My awesome sister

My mom, grandma and sister are all three great moms and great examples to me. Thank you all for being a part of my life. You RocK!! LoVe Ya!!

And to this wonderful, awesome mom: Thank you for letting me become a mom. It was your precious gift that allowed me to become a mommy.

"He is mine in a way he will never be hers, yet he is hers in a way that he will never be mine. And, so, together, we are Motherhood."-Desha Wood

I love this quote by Marjorie Hinckley:

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.
I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor's children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know that I was really here and that I really lived".

I've Created a Monster...

So everyone says that Emma looks just like me and my mom says that she acts just like I did when I was her age. (There is no way I was as sassy and stubborn as she is...nope, not possible.)

ignore the food on her face, after all, I did say she was like me...


I'm beginning to think she is more like me than I originally thought.

She can't play with her toys without lining them all up in very neat lines.

She is very proud of this habit she has. I think it's a little creepy, but at the same time, I couldn't be prouder!! She is my daughter after all.

Looks like it has moved onto her snack too.

Can you say OCD?
Like mother, like daughter.

Look Who's Back...

It seems I have checked out the past little while. Between my surgery, all our business drama, wanting adopt again, and life, I have somehow lost who I am. I let the stress and negativity almost drown me. I almost lost faith and hope. I almost lost my faith in humanity. I let people's negative comments about my surgery effect me way more then I should have. I let people's questions about why we are wanting to adopt again now make me grumpy. (I know we are going through a lawsuit and don't have an extra penny to adopt right now, but I also know that we are suppose to adopt now. I know there is a baby out there for us. It may not happen right away, but I can't push aside the feelings I have.) Trying to get our adoption blog up, researching adoption and trying to find a way to make it work has given me something positive and happy to focus on amidst all this crap...

I haven't been a very pleasant person lately. But.....she's baaaack!!!

I feel like me again. I've gotten to the point where it's either sink or swim, and I have decided to swim. I haven't done anything crafty in months. I have lost all creativity I once had. But hopefully over time, it'll all come back. Here are a few things I accomplished this weekend:

I made marble magnets for Mother's Day and for Teacher Appreciation Day. I used my Cricut to cut the vinyl. It did an okay job but I couldn't put the letters on straight to save my life. I had everything I needed in my craft room except for the marbles. It turned out to be a really inexpensive project.

I also made little bucket's for Christian's and Emma's teachers for Teacher Appreciation Day. I filled them candy, a cute fat pen and the marble magnets. Now I just need to make sure the candy actually stays in there between now and Friday. I know a couple of little hands that like to swipe candy...okay, maybe my hands aren't so little...

I FINALLY finished Emma's growth chart. Never mind the fact that she will be three next month.

Painting these boards is a pain in the butt!!! I forgot how long it took me to do Christian's, and then as soon as I started Emma's, it all came back to me. Emma's chart has gone through a couple of wooden embellishments all ready. I think it was her way of telling me to get it done and on the wall all ready.

I also did a project for my Mom for Mother's Day, but can't post pictures. Here's proof that it was messy though!

We also put together Tammie's (Christian's birth mom) Mother's Day package. I always stress over what to send. There is nothing I could ever send her to let her know how much we love and appreciate her. She is an answer to our prayers and my biggest hero. There is nothing I could ever make or buy that would give her as much joy and happiness as the gift she gave us. She got some of the marble magnets as well. Christian made her a Mother's Day card and we wrote her a very long letter. Since we brought Christian home, we have been sending Tammie scrapbook pages for her to add to the book we gave her. It's nothing too fancy, but we all love it. I also ordered her a necklace from this cute little etsy shop. I love it and want to order one for myself soon.

I'm also trying to regain control of my house again. Laundry will not defeat me!!

I am also getting my butt kicked trying to get the yard sale organized for our adoption fundraiser. I never realized how much work goes into these things. If you have any pointers or tips on how to make things go smoothly, please share.

I have lots more projects to come. I am bound and determined to finished the blasted doll house before all the kids are too big to play with it!!

Sam I Am...

I am a wife.
I am a mom...a step mom, an adoptive mom, a biological mom.
I am a daughter, a sister, a friend.
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
I am an adoption advocate.

I believe that their is a plan for all of us...we just have to live in a way to fulfill it.
I believe that deep down, all people are good...some just forget sometimes.
I believe that everyone is entitled to believe, think and feel how they want...just let me do the same.
I believe in happy endings.
I believe in organ donation.

I love my family.
I love the knowledge I have of eternal families.
I love laughter.
I love pretending I know what I am doing in life...
I love Diet Coke.


I fear failure.
I fear I am not a good mom.
I fear disappointing those I love.
I fear people getting to know the real me.
I fear losing faith, hope and my determination to get through these hard times.


I am afraid of birds, mice, and rabbits.
I am afraid of not living up to my full potential.
I am afraid of not fitting in.
I am afraid of letting loose and relaxing....I really need to work on that.
I am afraid of not being prepared for what lies ahead.

My family is going through some really dark and scary things right now. I need to remind myself to look past the now and focus on the future. Focus on all the possibilities the future holds. Forget about all the bad things that are happening now and know that things will only get better. Know without a shadow of a doubt that if I keep my faith and remember that I am a daughter of God, that we WILL be okay. I am an individual person that has struggles and is facing difficult times. I am me; I am not my struggles. The struggles, the difficult times, the fear--will not make me stop being who I am....I won't let them.

I am woman; hear me roar!!!

YuMmY...

So what do we do at our house when the mommy has reached her stress level and is about to ExPLoDe??? We make CUTE cupcakes and eat them all up!!!

YuMmY!!

My own little cupcake!!

Making and decorating these cupcakes made me feel better. I released some stress and had fun doing it. Christian and Emma didn't mind the messed up ones and the Young Women got the good ones.

HaPpY AnNiVeRsArY!!!

Seven years ago today, Marcus and I were married by my grandpa in the Bountiful Temple. We have been through a lot together in the past seven years; it all hasn't been rainbows and butterflies. There have been some thunderstorms and pesky insects along the way. I am grateful for the man I married and all he does for our family. I am grateful for the family that we do have together. Marcus is a very patient man; I am no walk in the park to deal with.

So to my awesome hubby:
Thank you for all you do for me our and family. Thank you for putting up with me and my never ending lists of demands and projects and moodiness. Thank you for the past seven years....here's to eternity!!!! I love you!
Happy Anniversary!!