Sunday, August 22, 2010

Not Always Rainbows and Butterflies...



I have been MIA for awhile. I wish I could blame it on some wonderful vacation we have been on...laying on the beach drinking drinks with umbrellas in them. Or that we have been soo busy doing so many awesome activities this summer that I haven't had a chance to do anything but have fun. But truth be told, I haven't done anything. And I don't want to do anything. I don't want to go anywhere or see anyone. I have been in a dark place for awhile and just barely have decided it's time to let some light back in. We seem to be experiencing the "if it can go wrong, it will go wrong" syndrome the past four months. It's hard to stay positive and keep my head up with some of the things I have had to deal with. I'm not trying to have a pity party...I've had enough of those. I feel like I owe some people an explanation. I have let people down. I haven't upheld commitments. I have gotten lazy in my work and my church calling. My poor kids have seen a side of me I am not very proud of. I have had my faith tested. There are days I have stayed in my sweats all day and haven't done a thing. I have let my to do list get longer and longer and let my responsibilites and commitments take a back seat.

We have experienced financial problems, family problems and personal problems. Every time I thought I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, it turned out to be a train pushing me back off track. I have finally taken a step back and realized I have had enough. I will no longer sit back and feel sorry myself. I will be the mom I know I can be and the person that I know I should be. I'm still dealing with a lot of issues, but with the help of a little "happy pill" and an AwEsOmE family I am getting back to who I want to be. I have always thought I had to be perfect and try to do everything and be Wonder Woman. If I haven't learned anything else from these past four months, I can say that I have learned that I can't do it all and I am far from perfect.

Every blog I read seems to be about how perfect their little lives are and how perfect their family is. I am not afraid to write about the bad stuff. Life isn't always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes there are dark clouds and thunder storms. I think it's how we get through those hard times that define us and makes us who we are. I am Monica and I have issues.

4 comments:

Lisa (aka: The Cool Chick) said...

Good for you for being able to talk about things... makes it easier than bottling it all up. Hang in there, it will all work out. You're in my prayers.

Emily said...

Soooo glad you are "back!" I am so grateful to hear that I am not the only one who struggles to live up to some perfect expectations! Thanks for being honest... maybe it's time I do the same.

Limb's Just Branching Out! said...

I wanted to be perfect too, I learned close after my second child that it was impossible for me to have a clean house and be a fun mom to my children all the time. I broke down and now I just apologize for my messy house. I know it will be clean when I have no kids and I have nothing better to do with my time. I hope my life never comes to that:)

Crystal Escobar said...

Hey Monica, I'm so glad you're back and starting to feel better. It's no fun when you get in that dark place. I dealt with this same thing once back when I was in my early twenties. Glad you're seeking help, and things are starting to turn around. I'm also happy to hear that you're taking a more positive look at things and trying to get your life back on track. I'm sure you're learning a great deal about yourself from this experience.