For some unknown reason I have been reading a lot of blogs of people who have lost small children. I have no idea why I am doing this to myself; I bawl uncontrollably and some, I just down right sob over. To anyone who has ever lost a child and can go on with their day to day lives, you are my hero. After my miscarriage, it was very hard to get myself out of bed and do anything for awhile. I think about anything happening to my babies, and I honestly don't think I could go on. I know that my family is forever, but the thought of losing any of them still just breaks my heart.
I know not everyone has children or even wants children of their own. Not everyone gets to experience the miracle of looking into your newborn's eyes for the first time or experiencing the wonderful gift of adoption. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and ideas; I have always wanted lots and lots of babies to love, cuddle and nibble on. As much as I struggle sometimes being a mommy, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I feel it is the most selfless act I can do; put my wants and needs aside for the sake of my children's happiness and future. If Christian wants to sing the ABC's five times in a row, we will sing it five times in a row. If Emma wants to climb the stairs time and time again, we will do it. If I can raise my children to be well mannered, kind, giving, loving people in society, I have done my job. If I can teach them to smile at everyone they meet and make someone's day a little brighter, that's worth the sleepless nights and constant diaper duty. I don't expect my children to cure cancer or figure out how to accomplish world peace. I expect my children to respect themselves and others...plain and simple. I want them to be nice and understanding...more people should try that.
I apologize for my little tangent there. I struggle with Christian not listening to me and with Emma STILL not sleeping through the night, but when I read the stories about families who have lost their babies, suddenly the temper tantrums and sleepless nights don't matter that much. After I read the stories or watch the videos, it makes me realize how lucky I am and it also makes me want to hold onto my babies and never let go. At the moment, I have two cousins who have babies at Primary Children's Hospital. My thoughts and prayers are with them daily. Life is too fragile and often taken for granted. Tomorrow I will try to be more patient with my little ones and be quicker to praise instead of yell and make sure they know how loved and wanted they are. You never know what life can throw at you.