Happy Birthday Baby Boy!!

You Win Some...You Lose Some

Today was a crappy day. We received some news that was a pretty bad blow to us, as a matter of fact, it was devastating. I will not share all the details because I am just too lazy to type that much, but if I I come across kind of snippy and nasty for the next little while, don't say I didn't warn you. I don't deal with disappointment well. I have usually gotten what I want out of life and have always been well taken care, okay, okay, spoiled. So when things don't go the way I had planned, I am not a happy camper. Christian walked in on me crying today and asked me what the matter was. When I told him that Mommy was kinda sad, he said, "Did Daddy growl at you?" That little boy can always put a smile on my face when I am feeling down.
I know that everything happens for a reason and things will be okay eventually. I am just having a hard time dealing with the now of the whole thing. I am not usually one to get all preachy and religious to others, especially people who I don't know, but I know the Lord never gives us more then we can handle. If I do what I am suppose to, He will do what he is suppose to. Why would He give me what I wanted, if I am not willing to give Him what he wants? I have slacked on a lot of important things lately, and I am now seeing the results of that. We fed the missionaries dinner tonight, (yes, I even cooked...they are doing the Lord's work, so I knew my food wouldn't harm them) and after dinner was over, they gave us Priesthood blessings. The elder who gave the blessing told me that the Lord would give me what I needed. That is just what I needed to hear. He will give me what I NEED not necessarily what I want. That helped me see that I am very lucky all ready. Instead of sitting around and moping, I need to be thankful for what I have. I am truly blessed; I have a beautiful little boy and a baby that I was told I would never have. "I never said it would be easy. I only said it would be worth it" is one of my favorite quotes. I think I need to have it tattooed on my forehead.
Okay, enough whinning. I have better things to be doing then rehashing my bad day. Tomorrow is a new day and it will be better. (It's my cheat day on my diet...I get to eat whatever I want...tomorrow will be better.)
On a happier note, Christian has decided what he wants for his birthday dinner on Sunday: hot dogs, french fries and Jello. That is a boy after my own heart. Can we get any more white trash then that?
I feel like I need to end with a cuss word or a dirty joke or something so I don't come across too preachy.

Want to hear a dirty joke? A man fell in mud.
Want to hear a clean joke? He took a bath with bubbles.
Want to hear another dirty joke? Bubbles was his neighbor!!!

HeHeHe....good night.

And I Want More?!

Let me start off by saying that I love my little babies; I really, really do. They are such great blessings and miracles; sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to be their mommy. They are adorable and funny little kids....but sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind.

Let me start with Christian. He is my favorite little man and I am the luckiest person in the world to have him call me mommy...but he knows how to push my buttons. He hides his demon side to the outside world, but behind close doors, the monster comes out. He has so much energy and gets into everything. (and I mean everything-the fridge, toothpaste, Liquid Nails, Sharpies, makeup, fingernail polish, his own poopy diapers...you get the point.) For some reason, Christian has decided that he doesn't have to listen to a word I say. Marcus only has to walk into the room, and Christian will do whatever he is suppose to or stop doing whatever he isn't suppose to be doing. I can ask nicely, I can scream and holler, I can beg, I can even cry...and nothing. He will run from me or laugh at me. Putting him in time out is a joke. He has a special time out chair that I made for him that he has to sit in for two minutes. He has started to not stay sitting down and if you tell him to sit down, he will put the chair to his behind and walk with it behind him like he is sitting down. He has watched Elmo in Grouchland too many times. Whenever he gets upset or you hurt his feelings, he tells you, "You're not my friend!" I hear that numerous times everyday. He has told me to "Back off, freak". He laughs at me when I ask him to do something or just flat out ignores me. Nothing is more frustrating to me then the way Christian treats me. I know he is only two. I know it is a phase he is going through. I know things will get better. I don't want to hear those things. I want to hear how to handle it so I don't end up going crazy or constantly yelling at the poor boy.
With as big of a monster as Christian can be, he is still the sweetest, cutest thing in the world. He calls me his sweetheart and tells me I'm beautiful. He is very sensitive and caring. I love that little boy.

Then there is little Miss Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. She is everywhere all the time and doesn't know how to sit still. She climbed our stairs from bottom to top all by herself the other day. The developmental emails I get weekly says she should be crawling soon....ummm, Emma has been crawling for over a month. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she was walking in the next month or two. She is all ready trying to stand up while she is crawling. She will hold onto the table and the couch and walk around them. She climbs stairs and tries to climb out of her pack n play and her crib. She still isn't sleeping through the night. I don't remember the last time I had a full, good night of sleep. I totally blame myself for this though. When she was a newborn, I didn't let her fuss during the night without getting her and I didn't put her to bed awake. She doesn't know how to soothe herself to sleep or back to sleep. I have read numerous articles and am working on reading books to try to fix this. I am failing miserably. I know that it will take time and lots of lost sleep for her to learn to sleep through the night. I don't need to hear how your baby slept through the night at three weeks and grew up to be freaking Mother Teresa. Good for you and your baby. I am working on it. Emma loves to eat and I think those baby puff things are laced with crack. She has her two bottom teeth and uses them frequently on things she shouldn't. She loves to be down playing and crawling around. I can't turn my back on her for two seconds.

Christian + Emma + my OCD issues = crazy, never a dull minute, fun filled days. ( I use the term "fun" in a couple of different ways.) Some days I feel like I just want to crawl under a rock and not come out for a long while. I feel guilty sometimes; I wanted children so badly for so long then I am finally blessed with them and I feel like I am failing them as a mom. I need to know how others do this. You see moms who have it all together, I hate them. I really do...okay not really, but they do suck. I want to be the kind of mom other moms hate.

I Could Nibble On Her All Day...

Can you stand the cuteness?! I mean seriously!?! This little girl brings more joy and smiles to my life day after day. We took her 6 month/Christmas photos tonight. Yah, I know we are a little late..at least it was in December...that's not the point. Anyway, I could nibble on her all day and into the night. She is such a blessing and I am so lucky to be her mommy. I was told I would never have children of my own; that bit of news tore a hole in my gut. After Christian came into our family, I was good. Christian was my little boy and it didn't matter that I didn't give birth to him. I have to admit, there was a small part of me that was still numb because I would never get to experience the joys of pregnancy. (I use the term "joy" loosely now that I have experienced it all.) We soon learned that Christian had to be in our family before this beautiful little girl was to join us. I know I complain about the sleepless nights, the constant crying and now the horrible biting, but just look at that face...can life get any better?

The Not So Extreme Makeover: Our Edition Part 2

So with our little "makeover" in the house with all the kids' rooms, I was feeling left out. We decided to get new furniture for the living room and I can't believe the difference it made in the room. We also got a new dining room table awhile ago. The one we previously had was one Marcus had before we got married and it didn't match the kitchen and I always hated it. I don't have any before pictures of the kitchen, just after the new table. This is our "new" kitchen and family room.

Kitchen after we got the new table: (and I cleaned it really good. I redid the cabinets and cupboards, but I will spare you the pictures of that.)



Family room before the new couches and tables:



Family room after new couches and getting rid of other furniture and adding other fun stuff:





Jessi's new room is also done. I just need to find her after pictures. We have pictures on every computer and memory card in the house. How in the world do you organize digital pictures? It is kicking my butt. Emma's room is almost done and I will post pictures of that. Her room is the one I am most excited about. It is very girly and very cute. This whole project has been really fun, but I am sure Marcus is ready for it to be done. He has done 99.9% of the work and has done a great job. He deserves a treat.

Serial Killers, Kidnappers and Tamales...

With the Christmas shopping and having loads of birthday cash, I have been doing my fair share of shopping. I always have Emma and/or Christian with me. Most of those trips are cut WAY short by one or two small children having a melt down, needing to be fed, grabbing underwear and putting them on his head, or a diaper explosion. On the rare occasion that I get any shopping done, I usually only have Emma and I am carrying her while pushing her stroller with her car seat in it. Doing it this way is a struggle, and I need three extra arms, but it works. Every once in awhile Emma thinks she needs to be fed or have her diaper changed. (I know, selfish.) We find the nearest bathroom so I can do the above tasks quickly and be on our way again. Twice in the past week I have had two different women ask me if they wanted me to have them hold Emma while I went to the bathroom. Maybe to some this isn't a big deal; the ladies seem nice enough. But each time I have said, "No thanks. I am actually going to be feeding her" when in reality, I did have to use the restroom. Anyway, I don't know if I am making a big deal out of nothing, or if having a stranger ask to hold your baby while you aren't right there to supervise is out of the ordinary. I personally think @#$% no. You aren't even going to touch my baby, let alone hold her while I am behind a closed door. The two women who asked were older woman, so in their mind, I am sure they didn't see any harm. Am I being overly protective? Am I assuming bad things will happen when I have no reason to?

Another example of me being a paranoid freak was when Marcus decided to buy tamales from a man in a store parking lot. Home made tamales are amazing; we get them from our next door neighbor once in awhile and our employees make them sometimes too. Marcus loves them. He had no hesitation buying them from the dude selling them. I questioned the whole thing and told Marcus they were probably poisonous and we were going to die. He assured me they were fine; it's just some guy trying to make some extra money around the holidays. I am turning into my sister and I don't trust anyone. I watch too many shows about crime and murder and all the horrible awful things that can happen to innocent people that buy tamales from strangers in a parking lot. I told Marcus: "I am not being pessimist, I am being a realist."
"You are being a real ass" was Marcus' reply. Funny. He is a funny man. The tamales ended up being really good and so far we are both alive. (maybe it's a slow poison that takes awhile to show up...hey, you don't know.)

When I was pregnant, I was scared to even take the garbage out by myself because you hear of horrible things happening to pregnant women. I don't consider myself someone who lives in constant fear, but maybe I am also not as trusting as much as I should be. People are crazy. Watch the news...you will see what I mean. What happened to life being all rainbows and daisies? Now life is all about locked doors and trying to figure out how pee and do up your pants one handed because you didn't want a nice grandma holding your baby.

Pessimist. Realist. Real Ass. Call it what you want; at least I won't end up having to put the lotion on my skin lest I get the hose again.

November...Cliff's Notes Version

So I suck. The month of November has come and gone and I did one post. I figure since I don't talk to anyone anymore, (somehow Emma always knows when I get on the phone) I need to share the highlights of the month...quickly because I am exhausted.

Christian no longer has his "bup". It's all gone. We were going to do this big, extravagant going away party for it, but I ruined that. I was sitting on the couch one day and he came over next to me with his bup in his mouth and his slobber all over his shirt and down his chin. Some of the slobber dripped on my leg. I had it. I took his bup and chucked it across the room. Yes, I had a temper tantrum. I decided right then and there that we were done with the bups. The whole thing was much easier then we could have ever imagined. He went to bed without a fight and things were good. Then he decided to have a seizure the next morning. But he didn't ask for one. I think he finally realized that they were gone for good.

Emma is eating baby food and loving every minute of it. The only thing I have found that she doesn't like is peaches. We also found out that she is allergic to not only peanuts, but to formula as well. There are also certain diapers she can't wear and detergents and certain fabrics make her break out in a nasty rash. I really hope all these allergies and things are something she will grow out of. The day I stop breastfeeding, I am pigging out on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Reese's peanut butter cups. She still is not sleeping through the night. I'm a horrible mother, I know. She fell off the couch....yah, horrible mother, I know. She is very active and doesn't ever hold still, even when she is sleeping. She is rolling everywhere and scoots to get where she wants to go. The day she starts to crawl, I will cry.

I celebrated my birthday this month. It seems like I get a birthday weekend or sometimes even week the way the schedules go the girls and my family. This year, Marcus sent me out a few days before my birthday with a friend to get a pedicure and then we went to lunch. It was SO nice to be out of the house with no kids and have adult conversation. (Talking with Marcus doesn't count....I said adult.) :) Then after that when I came home, he had 100 balloons in the sitting room that I had to pop. Some of the balloons had money, others had little notes from Marcus and the kids. I hate the sound of popping balloons....HATE IT. 100 balloons later, still hate it. I got lots of cute notes and lots of money to go shopping with. Then on my actual birthday, my parents came to town and we got a sitter for the two little ones (the girls were with their mom) and we went to dinner. I also got my Grey's season 3 dvds. (worse season ever, but have to add them to the collection.)

For Thanksgiving we went to Marcus' Aunt's house. It was good. We didn't have to worry about decorations or cleanup or any of the stress that comes with hosting Thanksgiving. It was nice.

Got all the Christmas decorations up and ready to start shopping for Christmas...tis the season to be jolly...or something.

I Should Be Sleeping...

Instead, I am reading blogs and wanting to do all sorts of cool things with mine. I have all these ideas for posts and lots of pictures and I am too exhausted for any of them to make sense. Maybe when my children are all grown and have moved away I might be able to post what I want until then, know that I WANT to post. Does that make it okay that I haven't written anything in almost a month? If I get more then four hours of sleep tonight, we may produce something tomorrow...maybe.

Aren't We Just Festive?

Instead of my boring summaries of the activities we have done over the past few weeks, I just posted pictures. I am lazy and the pictures are cute. We did a corn maze, a pumpkin patch, played in the leaves, and went trick or treating. Hope you had a good Halloween!!

The Truth Always Comes Out...

For the last six years I have been in a relationship with one of the most wonderful and talented people I have ever known. Recently I had what I can only call a moment of weakness. I didn't want to. I always swore I was not capable of such a thing, and it is painful to admit, but I was unfaithful. Not just unfaithful, but unfaithful with a person who has been a close friend of my husband for years and is also our business accountant. I guess I need to just come right out and face the truth; I had my hair done by someone other than Andrea. She has been there for the long, the short, the brown, the blond, the red, all the stages of Monica and I betrayed her. I sought comfort in the welcoming arms of Stacy. (Yes, she really is our accountant and happens to be a very gentle and loving cosmetologist.) I feel like such a hair whore.