So the last few months I have been spending more time away from Christian and Emma than I have their whole lives it seems. I'm not just leaving them for the sake of leaving them. We have had a lot of photo shoots and work to be done. I'm learning doing errands and grocery shopping without the two of them is much easier. I have had appointments and meetings and church obligations that are taking me away from my little ones. They go to daycare every Monday so I can get paperwork and Charley's stuff done. Any other time I leave them, it is with a babysitter that is very good and very nice. I have no concerns or hesitations about her being in charge of my children.
For the most part, I felt guilty about how much time I was spending apart from Christian and Emma. We used to be together 24/7. I felt like a bad mom leaving them at daycare for five hours one day and then with a babysitter two or three more times that same week. However, now I am realizing that being a part from them has actually been a good thing. I actually get things accomplished, I get to do things I want to do, I get to spend time with adults, and the best part--when I am with Christian and Emma, I treasure that time more. I am more patient with them and enjoy playing and laughing with them more. I am learning that yes, first and most importantly, I am a wife and mother. But, I am also Monica..the crazy OCD freak who likes to shop too much, scrub toilets at midnight, eat ice cream right from the carton, play the drums on Rockband with my husband until wee hours of the morning, read books that don't require too much thinking, go running while listening to my lame taste of music on my Ipod, likes to think about all the cute ideas I could do scrapbooking but never actually scrapbook, likes to hang out with those two or three friends who don't make me feel like I have to put on a show, won't sing in front of anybody to save my life, would rather be in labor than get dental work done, changes my hair color more often then some people change their underwear,worries too much about pleasing every single person in my life, likes to pop other peoples' zits,loves Grey's Anatomy more than what is probably considered healthy, would marry Patrick Dempsey if I wanted to be a polygamist, tries to solve everyone's problems, drinks too much Dr. Pepper, is afraid of mice and rats and bunnies and birds, enjoys the rare days when I can sleep in, loves the sound of Christian's and Emma's giggles, misses my sister and niece daily, treasures my family beyond anything else in the world...That person actually still exists. It's really nice to meet her again. Maybe she can come out and play more often.