Look Who's Back...

It seems I have checked out the past little while. Between my surgery, all our business drama, wanting adopt again, and life, I have somehow lost who I am. I let the stress and negativity almost drown me. I almost lost faith and hope. I almost lost my faith in humanity. I let people's negative comments about my surgery effect me way more then I should have. I let people's questions about why we are wanting to adopt again now make me grumpy. (I know we are going through a lawsuit and don't have an extra penny to adopt right now, but I also know that we are suppose to adopt now. I know there is a baby out there for us. It may not happen right away, but I can't push aside the feelings I have.) Trying to get our adoption blog up, researching adoption and trying to find a way to make it work has given me something positive and happy to focus on amidst all this crap...

I haven't been a very pleasant person lately. But.....she's baaaack!!!

I feel like me again. I've gotten to the point where it's either sink or swim, and I have decided to swim. I haven't done anything crafty in months. I have lost all creativity I once had. But hopefully over time, it'll all come back. Here are a few things I accomplished this weekend:

I made marble magnets for Mother's Day and for Teacher Appreciation Day. I used my Cricut to cut the vinyl. It did an okay job but I couldn't put the letters on straight to save my life. I had everything I needed in my craft room except for the marbles. It turned out to be a really inexpensive project.

I also made little bucket's for Christian's and Emma's teachers for Teacher Appreciation Day. I filled them candy, a cute fat pen and the marble magnets. Now I just need to make sure the candy actually stays in there between now and Friday. I know a couple of little hands that like to swipe candy...okay, maybe my hands aren't so little...

I FINALLY finished Emma's growth chart. Never mind the fact that she will be three next month.

Painting these boards is a pain in the butt!!! I forgot how long it took me to do Christian's, and then as soon as I started Emma's, it all came back to me. Emma's chart has gone through a couple of wooden embellishments all ready. I think it was her way of telling me to get it done and on the wall all ready.

I also did a project for my Mom for Mother's Day, but can't post pictures. Here's proof that it was messy though!

We also put together Tammie's (Christian's birth mom) Mother's Day package. I always stress over what to send. There is nothing I could ever send her to let her know how much we love and appreciate her. She is an answer to our prayers and my biggest hero. There is nothing I could ever make or buy that would give her as much joy and happiness as the gift she gave us. She got some of the marble magnets as well. Christian made her a Mother's Day card and we wrote her a very long letter. Since we brought Christian home, we have been sending Tammie scrapbook pages for her to add to the book we gave her. It's nothing too fancy, but we all love it. I also ordered her a necklace from this cute little etsy shop. I love it and want to order one for myself soon.

I'm also trying to regain control of my house again. Laundry will not defeat me!!

I am also getting my butt kicked trying to get the yard sale organized for our adoption fundraiser. I never realized how much work goes into these things. If you have any pointers or tips on how to make things go smoothly, please share.

I have lots more projects to come. I am bound and determined to finished the blasted doll house before all the kids are too big to play with it!!

Sam I Am...

I am a wife.
I am a mom...a step mom, an adoptive mom, a biological mom.
I am a daughter, a sister, a friend.
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
I am an adoption advocate.

I believe that their is a plan for all of us...we just have to live in a way to fulfill it.
I believe that deep down, all people are good...some just forget sometimes.
I believe that everyone is entitled to believe, think and feel how they want...just let me do the same.
I believe in happy endings.
I believe in organ donation.

I love my family.
I love the knowledge I have of eternal families.
I love laughter.
I love pretending I know what I am doing in life...
I love Diet Coke.


I fear failure.
I fear I am not a good mom.
I fear disappointing those I love.
I fear people getting to know the real me.
I fear losing faith, hope and my determination to get through these hard times.


I am afraid of birds, mice, and rabbits.
I am afraid of not living up to my full potential.
I am afraid of not fitting in.
I am afraid of letting loose and relaxing....I really need to work on that.
I am afraid of not being prepared for what lies ahead.

My family is going through some really dark and scary things right now. I need to remind myself to look past the now and focus on the future. Focus on all the possibilities the future holds. Forget about all the bad things that are happening now and know that things will only get better. Know without a shadow of a doubt that if I keep my faith and remember that I am a daughter of God, that we WILL be okay. I am an individual person that has struggles and is facing difficult times. I am me; I am not my struggles. The struggles, the difficult times, the fear--will not make me stop being who I am....I won't let them.

I am woman; hear me roar!!!

YuMmY...

So what do we do at our house when the mommy has reached her stress level and is about to ExPLoDe??? We make CUTE cupcakes and eat them all up!!!

YuMmY!!

My own little cupcake!!

Making and decorating these cupcakes made me feel better. I released some stress and had fun doing it. Christian and Emma didn't mind the messed up ones and the Young Women got the good ones.

HaPpY AnNiVeRsArY!!!

Seven years ago today, Marcus and I were married by my grandpa in the Bountiful Temple. We have been through a lot together in the past seven years; it all hasn't been rainbows and butterflies. There have been some thunderstorms and pesky insects along the way. I am grateful for the man I married and all he does for our family. I am grateful for the family that we do have together. Marcus is a very patient man; I am no walk in the park to deal with.

So to my awesome hubby:
Thank you for all you do for me our and family. Thank you for putting up with me and my never ending lists of demands and projects and moodiness. Thank you for the past seven years....here's to eternity!!!! I love you!
Happy Anniversary!!

I Need Your HeLp!!!

I am planning to do a yard sale this Spring/Summer to raise money for our next adoption. I'm wondering if anyone has decent stuff they are wanting to donate to the yard sale to help us bring a baby home. I am also thinking of adding a bake sale into the day's activities. If you are willing to donate any baked goods to be sold, that would be great too. Or..if you are willing to donate your time to help me organize/advertise/run the show, that would be awesome as well. Leave me a comment, email me (monikamb1@gmail.com) or give me a call.

To The HaTeRs Out There...

Unfortunately there are some people who have found the need to spend entirely too much time obsessing and critiquing every little thing my husband and I do. Seriously...get a life. Anyway, I want to clarify a few things for the idio...er...people who I guess need to hear it. Here goes.

When Marcus originally decided to help Juan in 2008 he was only going to help by raising money to help with their medical bills. They had no insurance and dialysis 3 times a week is very expensive. Marcus ended up also donating a kidney to Juan which was obviously a great thing for their family, but also added another huge financial burden. Kidney transplants can cost up to $100,000. We decided that the best way to help raise money for this family was to let the public know about Juan and Marcus' story. The media was notified and in the end we raised over $25,000 for Juan's family. Not the $100,000 we wanted, but a huge blessing for their family nevertheless.

This was never about Marcus bragging about what he did. He in fact complained constantly about all the interviews and attention that he really wasn't comfortable with. If this was just about him getting attention for himself he would have posted and bragged about the other awards he received both locally and nationally and the invitations to speak at events, but you have probably not heard a word about most of them from him because he hasn't really told anyone except his mother. He even got mad at me when I mentioned one very cool honor he got to our bishop.

Now to my story. I decided to get tested as a donor in 2008 when we found out about Juan. I was next in line to get tested if Marcus was not a match. We obviously never got to that point. Going through this whole process with Marcus and meeting many, many sick people through our work with the Kidney Foundation that followed made me certain that I still wanted to donate. No fan fair, no money to raise this time, just me donating anonymously. However, we were contacted last week and asked if we would be interested in doing a story for National Kidney Month to raise awareness on kidney donation and help inspire others to consider donation. I wanted no part of the hoopla I saw Marcus go through, but could not say no to the chance to help inspire others and possible help save more lives. We decided to go ahead with it because it was the right thing to do, not because we wanted the attention. Since the story ran on channel 4 news we have all ready been contacted with questions on how to get tested to become a donor. So my decision to step outside of my comfort zone was 100% worth it regardless of what you think my motives may have been.

You should be embarrassed at your stupid post and comments that caused me to have to write this. I am insulted that you would question my character and intent on something like this. Just let something good be something good and don't concern yourself with my life and why I do what I do. Sheesh.....jealous much?!

Love Always,
Monica

Our News Story...

Here is our interview from ABC4 we did today. You get to meet the amazing Pepe; he is so awesome!! I would love to point anyone in the right direction if you are interested in kidney donation. Not only have I helped Pepe out, I got a new blankie from the hospital I can't sleep without, (Yes, I am 30 years old and I have a blankie...) I get a $10,000 tax write off and I lost 12 pounds from the surgery. Why would anyone NOT want to donate?!

Everybody PoOps....

I hate potty talk. I hate talking about pooping or anything related to it. I hate the use of the word f@rt and t*rd...they are almost as bad as some other four letter words. Potty jokes drive me crazy. Marcus and I have been married for almost seven years and together for nine years. In all this time, I have never passed gas in front of him. I wish I could say the same thing about him.... It's like I have a fear of poop and hate talking about it with other people. Just the word "poop" sounds dirty...and not in the good way. Anyway, why am I telling you this? Since having surgery, talking about poop occurs daily. Before I left the hospital, I was forced to talk about "it" with several people in the room. I thought giving birth made me lose all my dignity; I was wrong. I have been forced to face my fear dead on. Now, talking about poop is dinner time conversation. I can give you the low down on laxatives, enemas, suppositories...you name it. You have a question on poop, I'm your gal. My fear of "it" isn't as severe. I guess when you are forced to deal with something, you can't help but embrace it and deal. So go grab a magazine, turn on the fan, wipe well and don't forget to wash your hands.

Boys do it.
Girls do it.
People on TV do it.
For any of you who have seen
Elmo Goes Potty,
you can thank me later for getting that
song stuck in your head.

Family Photography

My husband's new photography website is up and running. Check it out and let me know if you want/need pictures done.

Marcus Gilbert Photography

Things They Don't Tell You When You Decide to Donate a Kidney...

As most of you know, I donated my kidney on Feb. 11. I was in the hospital a little longer than expected, but I have been home for a week now. I am going crazy--I'm not going to lie. I don't remember Marcus' recovery being this difficult. I am not the kind of person who asks for help or enjoys just sitting there while others do everything. I am very independent...or depending on who you ask, down right stubborn and hard headed. So to just have to sit around and watch others do everything is driving me crazy. I can't even bend over and pick something up that I dropped. A small child could get lost in the forest that has grown on my legs; I can't bend over to shave my own legs or even wash my own feet. I can't pick up my babies or do much with them at all. I am slowly getting better. I feel like I take three steps forward and five steps back. The pain medicine makes me loopy and tired; I am sick of sleeping my days away. Today was the first day with out pain medication; can I get a WHOOP! WHOOP!!

The doctors and living donation staff people go over a lot of info with you before your surgery to make sure you know what to expect. They do a mental health screening on you that takes about an hour. I'm still trying to figure out how I passed that part. The surgeons make sure you understand exactly what you are doing. They are so thorough on their part, I often felt like they were trying to talk me out of the surgery. The whole staff did an excellent job, but there was stuff they didn't cover.

Things they don't tell you when you deciding to donate a kidney:

1. Saying goodbye to your babies the night before surgery is harder then the surgery it's self. I had to be at the U of U hospital at 6 am so we took Christian and Emma up to my mother in law's the night before. I HATED saying goodbye to those two beautiful children. I know the surgery was safe and I was doing the right thing, but I am also a "what if" kind of person. Nobody knows what could have happened, and I could have been saying goodbye for the last time.

2. When most patients wake up from a surgery like this, they have what is called (or I call anyway) a pain ball inserted into the incision. I was sure to tell the surgeon that I wanted one as well. It makes the incision basically numb and the pain manageable. I did indeed get my pain ball, but the OR nurse didn't turn it on. The day of surgery was HELL...there is no sugar coating it. Once the pain ball took affect and I was coherent enough to realize I had my own morphine button, life improved drastically.

3. Recovery for the donor is always harder then it is for the recipient; you are perfectly healthy before surgery, they rip an organ out of your stomach and then your body has to mend. Surgery was on a Thursday, by Saturday I still hadn't been able to get out of bed; they couldn't get my nausea and lightheadedness out of control. Two days after surgery, in walks the guy who has my kidney. He wanted to see how I was doing and saw hi. He looked awesome. He was walking all by himself and looked great; pathetic little Monica couldn't even get out of bed. He also left the hospital before I did. Normally, recipients are in the hospital for at least a week, he left after five days. My kidney RoCkS!! They don't tell you the absolute JOY you will feel when you see the person you helped walk out of the hospital looking like nothing every happened. I wish nothing but the best to this great person and his family.

4. Your mother will call you EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

5. You will be miserable, in pain and sometimes flat out questioning yourself "What in the #$@* did I just do?" But you will never regret being an example to your children about helping out other people. You will never regret giving someone a new, better life. You will never regret listening to the promptings of the spirit that told you all along to help your fellow man, even when you were scared and second guessing yourself. You will never forget meeting the recipient and his wife for the first time the day before surgery and just the pure look of appreciation and gratitude on their faces.