9 Inch Cankles

Happy New Year!!!

2012-01-03T19:28:00.000-07:00

Happy New Year!!

Each year I find myself making a VERY LONG list of all my goals and resolutions for the year and then beating myself up over every little mistake and broken resolutions.

I've decided this year there will be no long list with a hundred ways I want to improve myself and why I am currently such a horrible person. I do have a couple areas that I want to try and improve on, but I have learned that TRY is the key word.

I am a perfectionist.

I have been that way as along as I remember.

I beat myself up over the dumbest things.

My first B in Biology in Jr. High brought enough tears to float Noah's Ark.

I am learning that I can try to improve things and change habits, but not achieving 100% on everything is okay. So here are the things I want to TRY and improve:

1. Take better care of myself.

Of course, this includes the "I'm gonna lose a whole bunch of weight" goal, but more importantly, I want to continue to grow comfortable with myself and like the person I am.

I want to be in control of my emotions and not let others dictate how I feel and react to things.

2. Simplify.

This applies to every aspect of my life.

I try to do too much for too many people.

I try to keep a perfectly clean house while I work from home and spend time with kids and husband, volunteer with the PTA at Christian's school, teach a primary class and try to be Superwoman.

My cape must be at the dry cleaner's cuz this super hero's powers are gone.

That's it.

Totally attainable.

And no beating myself up when I have a Diet Coke or when I eat a cookie or 4 or when I let the kids stay up until 10 pm because I am too busy watching NCIS, playing on Facebook and working on a photo shoot.

Hope everyone had a great holiday season and a very happy new year!!

It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas...

2011-12-05T01:11:00.001-07:00

I love decorating the house for Christmas!! Wait, back up a minute. I love the final outcome of decorating the house for Christmas. The actual decorating part isn't so fun. I think it's time for new decorations, but that isn't in the budget this year so we'll make due with what we have. Let's a take a little stroll through the house and see what we did, shall we?

Let's start with the entertainment center in the family room. I have a love hate relationship with the built in shelves in this room. I loved them when we first built the house, but now, not so much. There isn't really anyway to do anything differently in this room because we can't move the shelves. My favorite part here is the garland that goes all across the top. The rest of the decorations are pretty much the "left overs" from the sitting room.

Ignore the dirty t.v. It didn't look that dirty before I took the pictures. I'm thinking the shelves are too busy. I didn't take a lot of the every day decor down before I added the holiday stuff. Maybe if I get time I can fix it...who am I kidding?! It'll look like that until I take down the holiday decorations.

The only decorations in the dining room/kitchen area is the table center piece.

Festive, I know.

Until Christmas Eve, the stockings hang above the fireplace. I like the way it looks...except the stocking on the right...it's way too high..I need to fix that too..

These two little fellows are the newest additions to our family this year.

Meet Winston and Chippy. They are our "Elves on a Shelf" that have come to spend this holiday season with us.

(Luckily we didn't get the original Elf on a Shelf. I think he looks like a creeper.)

They have been getting into mischief every night since they have come.

Little Stinkers!!

I don't dare put real Christmas presents under the tree until closer to Christmas. If my little ones are anything like I was, they would be peeking all the time. So for now we will use these cute boxes I got from Roberts a few years ago.

I love cinnamon pine cones!!

This is our Nativity set we have had since I think the year we got married. It sits on top of our piano. About half of the pieces have had to be super glued at least once. But we like it. The little ones like to play with it....hence the super glue.

Top of the piano in the sitting room. Not really digging the candles.

I like the look of the sitting room around the holidays.

It's just clean and cheery...when I can keep the kids out of the room anyway.

I found this cute Christmas subway art from Today's Creative Blog on Facebook as her free gift. Love it!

Our black Santa has also become a family favorite.

Then there is our tree...Oh, our poor tree. I'm dying for the day where we can have two trees; one tree for the kids to help decorate with all the ornaments we get them each year and the cute ones they make and bring home, and one tree that I can decorate just for show that has some pattern and not so many "flavors" I guess is a nice way to describe it.

I love the look of this room when everything is put up. It seems so Christmasy and welcoming.

These last two pictures are of the table right inside the front door.

I just made the sleigh this year and didn't really have anywhere to put it.

For now, it'll stay where it is.

It feels good to have the house decorated and ready for the holidays. One less thing to worry about. I have our Christmas cards ready to be addressed and most of the shopping done. My biggest stessor right now is trying to figure out what to do for neighbor gifts. I've done the over the top goodie plate that everybody loves, but is way too much work. I want it to be nice, but I also don't want to spend forever in the kitchen making it. It also can't be too good...I have stopped eating sugar and if I make something yummy, I will eat too much of it before it goes out the door.

I like that most of the stressful parts of the holidays are finished. I can sit back and enjoy the holidays and spend time with my family. Hope you can do the same as well.

In Loving Memory...

2011-11-06T17:15:00.002-07:00

It's been almost two weeks since we lost Marcus' mom. In a way, it seems like it was yesterday, but at the same time, it seems so long ago. Jean was taken way too early. My heart breaks for Christian and Emma who were robbed of memories and more time with Grandma Tipi. There were 11 grandchildren and I know they will all miss her terribly. But Christian and Emma are so young and I'm worried that the wonderful memories they do have of Grandma Tipi will soon start to fade. We all defiantly feel her absence in our own ways. I had a great relationship with my mother in law. I know some daughter in laws and mother in laws have strained or not so great relationships, but I loved my mother in law. She was such a great example to me and my children. If my kids remember anything about Grandma, I hope they remember how giving and selfless she was. And how nonjudgmental she was. In the 11 years I knew Jean, I never heard her say one bad thing about anybody. I can't go 11 minutes without talking bad about someone...I need to work on that.

Grandma Tipi was one of a kind. We always described her as "crazy but harmless". We meant it in the most loving way possible. She marched to the beat of her own drum and wasn't ashamed of it.

I will miss seeing Christian melt into her arms and lay there forever without moving. For those of you who know my six year old, that is a miracle within its self. That boy never sits still for anyone.
I will miss watching the kids play band with her at her house.
I will miss going to her house, having her play with kids and me being able to sit and just be. There was just something about being at her house with her there that was so calming and reassuring.
I will miss talking with her and having her make me feel like what I was saying or thinking was actually important and that I mattered. She had a way with people that made them feel important.

While I am grieving in my own way...which consists of eating large amounts of frosting and keeping myself so busy there are times I don't stop going all day...my heart breaks for my husband. To see him trying to be strong, but knowing that he is broken and empty inside, and knowing there is nothing I can say or do to ease that pain is sometimes too much.

The funeral was exactly the way Jean would have wanted it. There was some closure when the day was over, but it still seems so unreal that Jean is gone. We are all now trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces and move on. Life will never be the same again. Trying to get back to normal, whatever that is, is really hard.

Christian and Emma are dealing with their sadness in their own ways. I don't think they fully understand what they has happened or how to deal with what they are feeling. I have tried my hardest to keep things as normal possible for them, especially since things happened right around Halloween, but it has been hard. They know things are different and they both seem to be acting out more than normal. I think it's all pretty normal the way that have been dealing with things. Everybody deals with sadness and heartbreak differently.

I have included a copy of Jean's obituary. It was written by my sister in law, Heather. She is the oldest of the four children. It is not your typical obituary. When I first read it, I was taken back by the honesty and sincerity of it. But I like it. Jean was never one to hide her mistakes from the world. It is her life story and she wasn't afraid to share it.

We love you Grandma Tipi! We think about you and miss you everyday. We know you are in up in heaven talking to rocks, giving amazing foot massages, building labyrinths, painting tipis, and making yummy peach pies all while wearing only 100% cotton. We also know you are watching over us who were left behind and letting us all know individually that things will be okay. We will keep moving forward and we will never forget the wonderful memories and wonderful times we had together. We will continue to do good to those around us and love everyone we come in contact with because that is what Grandma Tipi taught us.

Rest in Peace, Jean.

1948 ~ 2011
Jean Ruth Stokes Gilbert, born March 25, 1948, died of an accidental drowning at her home on October 25, 2011.
Jean was a giving, loving, beautiful person. And she had a hard, hard life. She was the 7th of 8 children of Clara and Glenn Stokes - a hardworking but overwhelmed mother and a paranoid schizophrenic father. Her childhood was one of hard work on the farm, with moments of freedom and joy, but with undercurrents of anxiety and fear as well.
Jean met and married Leonard Donald Gilbert when she was 20 years old, and quickly had 3 children in 3 years. And almost as quickly, she was divorced. A 23 year old single mother with 3 young children - a not quite 3 year old Heather, a 16 month old Tiffany, and an infant Marcus - she moved from California to Utah to start her life here. And soon, a 4th child, Amber, joined the family.
Jean put herself through nursing school, got a job and started working. It was hard, but somehow she found money for not only clothes and food, but for piano lessons, dance lessons, after-school ceramics classes - she was supporting her kids; she felt good about herself.
But addiction was building all this time. Alcoholism is a gradual, insidious disease. Over the next few years, the depths of alcoholism and the insanity it brought took her away from her family and from herself. She hit rock bottom in 1991, with several overdoses and hospital admissions - and then, something happened. She turned it around. She rediscovered herself - reinvented herself. And though, to be true, it was a slightly crazy self she discovered - it was a delightfully crazy, sober self that emerged from the other side of her battle with alcoholism.
And none of her grandchildren - her little doo-dahs - would ever see her struggles with addiction. They would only ever know their loving and slightly-insane grandma. She bought a house in Mantua and built a healing labyrinth crystal maze, firepit and tee pee in her back yard. She drummed in drum circles. And worked with Reiki energy. And had a Kundalini awakening. She wrote poetry. She wrote a children's book. She became a licensed massage therapist. She designed Shakti eggs. She went back to school and earned a bachelor's in social work. She became a hospice nurse and helped dying patients leave this world with grace and dignity.
She loved working in her garden, taking long walks around the lake, watching the birds in her back yard. She loved giving foot rubs, making homemade lasagna, doing healing work with crystals. She loved reaching out and helping others struggling with addiction, discovering life's astonishing richness in gratitude and compassion. But most of all, she loved her family. The connection between Jean and her grandchildren was deep and intimate.
But the years of abusing her body were catching up. She developed a chronic pain condition with widespread pain, disturbed sleep and exhaustion. She said sometimes it hurt in places she didn't even know could hurt. And for reasons that are both easy and difficult to understand, she started taking prescription narcotics to control this pain. Pain meds are tricky for people in recovery. And on that fateful night last week, narcotics combined with a hot-tub soak proved to be a deadly combination.
Life is an everyday occurrence. Until one day, it's not. Jean knew that every day, every moment spent with those we love is precious. Oh, we are going to miss her.
Jean is survived by her 4 dim-witted children, her 11 little doo-dahs, 3 sisters, 4 brothers, and countless friends and family whose lives she has touched. She is preceded in death by her mother and father, and by 4 nephews: Bryant Stokes, Kevin Stokes, Rodney Montierth and Wesley Montierth.
Jean did not want a solemn memorial or a grim tribute. Friends and family may gather to celebrate her life on Wednesday, November 2nd. She is going to be cremated, and a portion of her ashes will be interred at the Mantua Cemetery (50 S 400 W, Mantua). A graveside service will be held at 2 pm. A drum circle is planned, so bring something to pound on if you would like to participate. A luncheon will follow at the local chapel (237 S Willard Peak Rd, Mantua) at 3 pm, with a service starting at 4. We will set aside time for an open mic, so bring stories and memories to share.

My Memories Suite...My First GIveaway!!!

2011-09-29T23:47:00.007-06:00

I used to love to scrapbook. I used to love to go to the craft stores and buy all the latest embellishments, paper, markers, die-cuts, stickers....all the latest and greatest goodies. I used to love to sit for hours and create wonderful scrapbook pages. I used to have the time. Notice all the I used to's??? I don't have the time, money or space to scrapbook that way. I have gotten out of the habit of scrapbooking, but lately, I've really wanted to start making pages again.

I have found the perfect solution!!

My Memories is an awesome digital scrapbooking software that is so easy to use, that I can even figure things out. I sat down on a night when I actually didn't have anything to do for a few minutes and played with and was able to make a few pages and learn a few things.

My Memories Suite is rated #1 by Amazon and TopTen Reviews.

Using this software, anyone can create digital scrapbooks, photobooks, cards, calendars and gifts without having to buy expensive and complicated software programs. (Can we say presents for the grandparents??)

My Memories has all ready made templates and then ones you can design yourself as well. I'm loving both. When I want to make some pages quickly, I use the all ready made designs. But, if I am feeling creative and daring, I can design my own.

I designed the above page in about five minutes. It's a really simple page, but it helped me learn exactly how to navigate things and what different tools do. All you have to do to add pictures is click and drag. Click and drag, baby!! Love it. (Now if only my pictures were organized...that's a whole other story for a whole other day.)

This was an all ready designed template that I just had to add my own pictures.

Fun. Cute. Simple.

Love it!

My Memories has been nice enough to provide me a copy of their software My Memories Suite to give away. (My first giveaway!! Squeal!!) This is a $40 value and oh so awesome!! All you have to do is:

*Visit www.MyMemories.com and choose your favorite digital paper pack, layout or any product and leave me a comment on my blog telling me which you one chose.

For additional entries you can also:

*Like their Facebook Page

*Follow their blog at http://blog.mymemories.com/

*or for two additional entries, follow me here at 9 inch cankles

*or blog, tweet, or Facebook about this giveaway.

**Just be sure to leave a separate comment for each thing you do**

The giveaway will close on Friday, October 14th. I will notify the winner by email.

As a special for all of you, I have my very own Share the Memories code that provides a $10 discount off the purchase of the My Memories Suite Scrapbook software and a $10 coupon for the MyMemories.com store - $20 value! The code to use is:

STMMMS79402

So go on over and check out all their goodies and report back. :)

Sitting Room Redo

2011-09-11T20:18:00.005-06:00

I'm slowly redoing different rooms in our home. Our sitting room has been the exact same since we built the house in 2003. It was definitely time to do something different.

All the frames were gold! Yikes! We put this room together before I got comfortable with what I know I like.

I always hated that couch. Marcus brought that with him when we got married. It was ugly and nasty and now it's finally gone!!

I love what the room looks like now!!

Marcus was nice enough to paint the wall while I had the kids at my family reunion one weekend. After the wall was painted, it was just a matter of finishing all the little odds and ends needed.

Sorry for the awful pictures; I took them at night with a flash...

I moved the piano and got different decorations to go on top to match the new colors of the room.
(Oops...left the lamp on.)

I have a new love for spray paint. It can make something look completely different and it is oh so cheap. I spray painted the lamp and added a corny piece of ribbon to add color to it. I also used red spray paint on the family sign to add more color as well.

Entry way:

Marcus calls this my moldy G. (excuse the vinyl saying reflection in the mirror.)
I also spray painted the mirror black. I think the G looks good there. I made it and instead of spending around $80 like Anthropology, I spent like $6.

I used more red spray paint to redo the container on the wall, and then I added new flowers that look much better.

And my favorite part:

All I did was paint canvases I got on sale at Hobby Lobby.

I love the colors and how it all came together. I also love that Marcus hung all the canvases so I didn't have to.

(Picture taken at night...sorry.)

Closer shot of the table.

The colors go with the new colors in the family room area. I'll post pictures of that someday too. (If it can stay clean longer than five seconds!)

My only problem with the room is this:

I can't find the type of curtains OR chairs I am looking for. I want two accent chairs that match my wall that aren't 200 bucks a pop. I never realized that accent chairs are so much money. I am hesitant to get curtains until I can find a chair that I like so the material will match.

I love that I did this room as affordable as I did. Most of the stuff was re-used from what I all ready had in that room and I got out of the doing the hardest part! (the painting of the wall.)

Hopefully I will have a new area to show off shortly...

Linking up to:

Made By You Monday

Between Naps on the Porch

Tilipia with Pineapple Mango Salsa...

2011-07-31T21:07:00.008-06:00

I like to pretend I can cook. (Pretend being the key word there). When I find easy recipes, I refer to them a lot. I have a handful of recipes that seem more complicated, but are really easy, like embarrassingly easy.

One of those recipes is Tilapia with Pineapple Mango Salsa.

Yummy!!
and oh so easy

All the ingredients you need for the salsa:

Tomatoes
Cilantro
Red Onion
Mangos
Pineapple (fresh or canned)
Limes
Salt

Chop up your cilantro.
I don't measure anything in this recipe. Normally I have to have the exact measurements for everything. Not this time..trial and error and make to your liking...

Chop up your red onion. I'm not a huge fan of onions so I don't use a whole onion most of the time. I also like to make the pieces smaller so they aren't completely over powering.

Chop up your pineapple. You can use canned or fresh pineapple. In my opinion, canned is better. It's easier than cutting up a whole pineapple. If you have the time and patience, fresh is good too.

I make my husband peel and cut up the mango. For some reason, the mango and I don't get along. I usually use two mango since they don't have a very powerful taste.

Slice up your tomatoes...for some reason, I didn't take a picture of that step, but I'm sure you get it..

Mix everything together and squeeze a lime over all over it. If you are wimp like me, you have to use two hands to squeeze half a lime. (time to hit the gym)

I think it's fine without salt, but my husband has to put salt on everything...

Put the salsa in the fridge for awhile to let it sit.

When you are ready to finish making the meal, cook your fish in a bit of Olive Oil.
I usually just use salt and pepper to season the fish.
You don't want a lot of seasoning because of the salsa.

And Wham!!

Finished Product...

http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
I usually serve this dish with rice.

There is always salsa left over and it is delish with chips. I usually add a jalapeno to the salsa when we eat it that way. Oh so yummy!!

EnJoY!!

Linking up with:http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

Tutorials & Tips Tuesday

Friday Confessional...

2011-07-08T00:00:00.000-06:00

I haven't done this in a long time...but I have something I have to get off my chest...

I Confess:

I recently ended an unhealthy relationship. It was pretty much one sided...almost emotionally abusive.

I Confess:

I felt good about it at first. I was strong and never looked back. I knew I had done the right thing for myself.

I Confess:

The other day, I was weak. I went back. And now I regret it. Just like last time, I was left feeling empty and alone...like everything that went bad in our relationship was my fault.

I Confess:

I plan on keeping up the affair. Not letting anyone else know I am still involved. Knowing the outcome isn't going to be good, but hoping the outcome is different; better, more loving...

I Confess:

I want to be strong. I want to be brave. But a girl has needs...and those needs can only be met by certain things....even if it is an abusive relationship.

Say hello to my abusive partner:
My bathroom scale.

I put it away months ago because I got tired of stepping on it every morning and letting three numbers affect my day the way they did. Then I got it out last week, and I've been going back for more and more..

I confess:

Maybe someday I will be strong enough to live without it. But for now, I will continue to pretend I don't care what it says. It can't hurt me more than it all ready has...

Go on and link up your confessions...you know you want to....

Busy! Busy! Busy!

2011-07-07T11:22:00.003-06:00

Life has taken over and we have been running around like crazy!!!

Jet skiing, trips to Manti, Birthday parties, Princess Festival, trips to the ER, working full time, being a mom...can I have a pause button please?! (oh!! and my dishwasher has been broken for way too long and for some reason, I seem to be the only one who knows how to wash dishes...)

I have lots of updates and awesome pictures. Even a story of my four year old giving herself a partial tonsillectomy. But not now...I have two kids yelling "MOM!" "MOM!"

PS....typing up the title to the post, I hit a few too many keys and it originally said Busty! Busty! Busty! That's a whole different post for a different time!!

What I Wore Wedndesday: Number 4

2011-04-19T23:08:00.003-06:00

Wow! I was really bad this week! I only took pics of three days outfits. Things have been a little crazy on the home front.

Oh well.

We start this week off with my newest favorite accessory:

My mustache necklace from Little Miss Momma

I wore it for the first time with this outfit:

T-shirt: Impel Clothing
White tank top: Target
Brown Capris: Kohls
Levi Jacket: Old Navy

Then this little outfit:
I think it is the most comfortable outfit I own, next to my jammies of course.
But actually seeing a picture of me in it; not so comfortable.
I think it adds 10 pounds.

Brown Shirt:(I actually think it's suppose to be a dress,
but I don't want my goods hanging out): Macy's
Leggings: Rue 21
Boots: Kohls

This next outfit I am a little annoyed that no one told me I look like I am like 14 months pregnant. I don't know how I feel about this dress. Good thing it was only 12 dollars...

Dress:Forever 21
T-Shirt: Vanity
Jacket: Old Navy
Shoes: Kohls

Fun times can be found at:

and

and

No Model Lady

Memo Boards...

2011-04-18T17:28:00.011-06:00

I made all the kids material covered memo boards a few years ago.
Poor Emma is still playing catch up on cute homemade things she doesn't have
that all the others have. I have had the supplies for her memo board for a few
months and just kept putting off. Mommy guilt finally got the best of me
so I whipped her up one the other day.

They are so cute and easy and can be used anywhere.
This is what I used for Emma's.
(Keep in mind, she's three.) :)

Small cork board.
I chose a smaller cork board than I did for the rest.
I figured by the time she needs a bigger one,
she isn't going to be wanting the wands and crowns anymore any way.

Batting.
I had some left over from some quilts I made.

Material.
The amount of material depends on the size of board you are doing.

Ribbon.
Any size or color. Just whatever you are wanting to use.

Buttons

Thread.

I have to admit, I got lazy on Emma's. I have so much going on but really wanted to make her one. Normally I sew the buttons onto the ribbon and then sew the ribbon onto the material on the board.

So it looks like this:

But that takes awhile, and I didn't have awhile. So I skipped the buttons on hers and just used hot glue to glue the ribbons on to the material.

Shhh..don't tell her I took the lazy way out.

This is what it looks like after you have glued on the batting.
(only one blister from doing it with the glue gun, thank you very much!)

Then you put the material on. The hardest part is getting the corners to look good and sharp. I folded mine like I would fold a present.

Size your ribbons and glue them onto the back.

The back is really ugly when it's done so I took extra material and covered all the uglies.

And that's it! You are now free to put whatever pictures or cards or
keepsakes you want on it and
you are good to go.
(My husband hates it when I say "good to go")

This one matches her room perfectly...for now.
Until she decides she doesn't like purple and flowers.
She acts like she is 16 so I am just waiting for her to say
she wants me paint her room black and put skulls all over...

Linking up to:

and

Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery...

2011-04-14T17:58:00.007-06:00

I sure do love this little girl..

Emma is something else. Keep in mind this little girl is three. You wouldn't know it by the way she acts: she's obsessed with Justin Bieber, like has to listen to him every night, gonna marry him someday and cries if you tell her he is not her boyfriend. Yeah, that obsessed.

She insists on wearing make-up and perfume and doing her own hair.

Her sense of style is nothing short of umm...fabulous??
(might be a good word to use.)

She has more sass in her little toe than some people have in their whole body. She is a diva through and through. Every one says she is a spitting image of me. Me? A diva? I don't think so!! And she thinks she has to copy a lot of what I do and say.

She uses a lot of the same phrases I use. Sometimes she says them correctly, and then other times, not so much. (I say, "That scared the crap out of me.
Emma says, "That scared me out the crap.)

She has some play makeup that she puts on the same way I do: she dips her brush into her bowl and rubs it all over her face. She smiles when she puts on her blush and makes the same dumb face I do when I put on my lipstick.

Every morning when I am getting ready for the day, I go to the bathroom and weigh myself before I shower. The other day Emma goes to the bathroom, comes out and steps on the scale and says, "Seriously?! Urggg...." and then walks off being all annoyed at the number on the scale. Yes, this incident was hilarious, but it also got me thinking...

This little girl is three years old and is all ready this impressionable. How many times have I said or done something in front of her not really thinking she has any idea what I am doing because she is so young? Way too many times to count...

How many times have I complained about my hair or skin or my weight with Emma right there? Is she all ready starting to think she's not good enough? I want her to grow up with confidence in who she is. I want her to know that no matter what her size or how many imperfections she may have, she is awesome!

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I love that Emma wants to be just like her mommy. This makes me know that I need to be a better person. I need to be more positive and more giving. I need to be uplifting instead of judgmental. I need to remember that I have a little girl who is copying my every move some days. It's up to me to raise her to be strong, courageous, confident, smart, talented and to have a love for life, herself, her family and her religion. And a love for candy and cupcakes....but I think I got that one covered.

There were a few years where I didn't think I would get the opportunity to be a mom. After we were told we wouldn't get pregnant, I was devastated. All I ever wanted to was to be a mommy. To have that ripped from me was the worst news I have ever received. I've never been one to sit back and not go after what I wanted. I am too stubborn and don't like getting no for an answer or being told that I can't have something. It wasn't an easy time for us then. There was a lot of pain, physical, mental and emotional. A lot of money was spent on doctors and tests and procedures. Some days I didn't even want to get out of bed. But now, looking back, I am grateful for that challenge in our lives. I love being a mom. I love being the one who gets to kiss the ouchy all gone. I love being the one who can make all the hurt go away. I love being the one who gets to snuggle with them every night. I love being the one they get excited to see. I love all of it. I love the fighting, the tears, the tantrums, the silent treatments, the whining, the not listening. I didn't know if I would ever get to experience any of it. Without the bad stuff, you don't enjoy the good stuff as much.

Emma can imitate me all she wants. (except for the addiction to Diet Coke and Grey's Anatomy...she can stick with Kool Aid and iCarly a while longer.)

What I Wore Wednesday: Third Edition

2011-04-12T23:38:00.003-06:00

This week I tried not to "play it safe" like I find myself doing lately.
If I like it, I should wear it right?
Who cares if it isn't what everyone else is wearing.

Thursday:

White lace top: Sweetest Thingz Boutique
Purple Shirt: I got as a gift around Christmas time
Jeans: Target
Sunglasses that I forgot I had on my head: Wal-mart.
I am done paying lots of money for sunglasses. I have gone through too many pairs;
I am really hard on my sunglasses.

Friday:
We left for Vegas on Friday.
It was a seven hour drive in bad weather.
I wanted to be comfy but still cute...

White Long Sleeve Shirt: Boutique at the local mall
Black t-shirt: Vanity
Black and White Bolero: I "borrowed" it from my step-daughter's closet...oopsies...
Black scarf: One of those things I have had forever.
No idea where I got it from. Probably Target?
Black Belt: Target...again maybe?

I think the belt and scarf together
may have been too much. I'm trying to accessorize more and some days are better than others. :)

Saturday:
We were in Vegas for a Cheer competition for the weekend. It had been snowing in Utah over Spring Break; I had no idea what kind of weather to pack for.

Long Sleeve Shirt: Charlotte Russe
Black Sweater: Kohl's
Same scarf as the day before. I didn't bring a necklace or
anything to go with the outfit, but I think it needed something.
Jeans: Aeropostale Skinny Jeans
Boots: Birthday present two years ago.

Sunday:

Button up shirt: H&M
(we were in Vegas with a new H&M that had THREE LEVELS!!!...I HAD to go..)
White under shirt: Covet Boutique
Crops: Targets

Monday:
This was my lazy day. We had gotten back from Vegas late Sunday night.
I was exhausted and had TONZ of laundry to do...

Sweat suit: Aeropostale
Undershirt: Down East Basics
Shoes: Nike
Good thing you can't see how hairy my legs are...they are BAD!!!

Tuesday:

Shirt: Another H&M find from Vegas.
I don't know how I feel about it. It' not something I normally would wear.
But stepping out of the comfort zone, remember.
Under shirt: Boutique in the mall
Jeans: Aeropostale

Linking up to:

and

I love getting new ideas and fashion advice from some of these fashionable women.

Go check out some of links-you won't regret it!!

Here's to another great week of fashion!!!

Friday Confessional...

2011-04-08T11:28:00.002-06:00

I confess:

We are heading out the door to go to Las Vegas. (as in right now. like I should be packing and loading the car but i'm here blogging instead. priorities, you know?) I don't want to go to Vegas...the drive is like 6 hours long. That means I have to talk to Marcus for six hours...oh wait! No I don't. I have the first book of The Hunger Games to keep me entertained. I am going to be in the same city as an H & M and I don't get to go....This whole we need to feed our children and pay our bills and not go shopping is a bunch of garbage if you ask me. Being responsible is so over rated.

I confess:

My parents are staying at our house with the two little ones while we are gone. I'm a little worried. I think sometimes my mom forgets she raised five of her own and then three grand kids for awhile too. She obviously did an okay job; I turned out fine. The jury is still out on the other four kids. My mom just worries about EVERYTHING!! What can they eat? What if this happens? What if that happens? Calm down woman! They are just kids; they can be scary but they are harmless.

I confess:

I am looking forward to a weekend with no kids and no responsibilities. Vegas isn't my idea of a dream vacation, but it'll do for this weekend. What I wouldn't give right now to be somewhere on a warm beach, laying in the sun, reading and eating lots of yummy food. It's spring break this week for the kids and it has been snowing since yesterday. The kids have been stuck in the house and are going crazy. I am so over all this snow and cold weather.

All right. Gotta hit the road. Have a great weekend. I actually have some ideas for blog posts next week that don't center around my wardrobe or my confessionals...I seem to only do link ups lately. Something original is long over do.

What I Wore Wednesday 2nd Edition...

2011-04-05T20:11:00.005-06:00

So last week I did my first What I Wore Wednesday.

You gals sure know how to make someone feel all cool and stylin'!!

I got more comments on that one post than I have ever received on any other post.

So you bet your bottom dollar I'm doing it again!!

And it's actually not just for the comments..they do make me feel good, but to actually get up and put time and effort and thought into what I am wearing has been fun.

Wednesday:

Shirt: Kohls
Tank: Impel Clothing
Pants: Kohls (Are cordoroy pants even in style anymore?
I have had these pants for ages, but they are just so comfy I don't want to get rid of them.

Shoes: Target Clearance like 4 years ago.
Notice the slippers off to the side? That is usually my choice of footwear. On occasions, I have even left the house in them. (Usually on accident, of course.)

Thursday:

Shirt: Covet (local boutique)
T-shirt: Vanity
Crops: Target
Bracelet: Covet (local boutique)

Today was the first day that I wasn't freezing my rear off. Mother Nature is such a tease!

Friday:

It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend

Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend

Thanks Rebecca Black..I can't even hear the word Friday without
getting that stinkin' song stuck in my head for forever!!

Shirt: TJ Maxx
Tank: Boutique in the mall
Crops: TJ Maxx
Head band: Made it from the tutorial over at Little Miss Momma
Bracelet: Covet (local boutique)

Friday was an eventful day!! It was great weather!! I took the kids to the park to play and enjoy the Spring weather. Emma (my three year old) decided to break her arm. This was my first hands on experience with broken bones. I think I held it together pretty well. (My husband may disagree after listening to my voice mail I left him...it's not my fault he wouldn't answer his blasted phone!!)

My Friday picture was taken at the end of the long day....

Monday:

Shirt: Macy's
Jeans: Target...I swear I wear these jeans 3 times a week!!

Tuesday:

Cardigan: Forever 21
Shirt: Boutique at the mall
Shorts: Charlotte Russe
Necklace: Charlotte Russe
Earrings: Covet (local boutique)
Boots: I have had these things for so long. I am in desperate need of a new pair!!

Knowing I'm posting pictures of myself for the whole world to see has definitely made getting ready each day a bit more of a challenge. I have noticed that I wear a lot of the same things. I don't do a lot of variety. I think I may be afraid to try new things. I'm also realizing that by looking at the pictures of me wearing the crop pants, my blog title is definitely still appropriate!!

Linking up to:

and

Friday Confessional...

2011-03-31T22:26:00.004-06:00

I confess:

*I know being a parent is hard work. It has it's ups and downs, good days and bad days. Twice today my Kindergartener has told me he wants a new mommy. Ouch. That one hurt. I take it a lot more personal from him because he is adopted and for some reason, that just cuts a little deeper. I know he doesn't mean it. I know he is just upset with me because I combed his hair before school (that's when he said it the first time) and I wouldn't let him have a snack while I was making dinner. (second time he said it.) He is growing up and learning how to deal (or not deal) with his feelings and disappointments. It still hurts when he says things like that. I am still the one he climbs in bed with every night and still the one he wants to snuggle with when he is upset. I can't be all that bad then right?

I confess:

*I am a paranoid, freakish person who has seen way too many episodes of Criminal Minds for my own good. I think everyone is going to kidnap me, torture me and then kill me. I hate being out alone at night. I just know that I am gong to cross paths with some psycho murderer. When I am walking to my car I carry my keys so one key is between each finger so I can poke your eyes out if you attack me. I am deathly afraid of parking garages. That's where the bad guys always seem to hang out. If I see a big van pass by slowly or parked next to me, I know there is a crazy lunatic in there too cuz that's the only type of vehicle they drive.

I confess:

*I feel so ungrateful. My husband finally started his job that we have been waiting on since December. That part is awesome. The not so awesome part is that I feel like everything else is falling on my shoulders to take care. All the stuff with the photography business that normally he would take care of is now my responsibility. Keeping up with the kids by myself is exhausting. AND...he does have some traveling with his new job. So that part will be awesome too. We have been wanting this financial stability for months. It finally starts to happen and I whine and moan and have a pity party for myself because I am feeling overwhelmed. Toughen up girl and deal with it. Geez!! Be grateful your husband now has a job and the job that you have allows extreme flexibility and not a lot of work for decent money. Okay, that description of my job makes it sound like I am a stripper. No stripping here...unless you are into a 30 something woman, who has given birth and still not gotten her pre-baby body back yet but does have a nasty question mark shaped scar from kidney surgery on her stomach who also won't get naked unless the lights are out. If that sounds good to you, then hey, you never know what could happen.

I confess:

*I'm addicted to my cell phone. We are talking down right ridiculously obsessed. I'm outside jumping on the trampoline with the kids today playing Words with Friends and checking Facebook. Put down the phone Monica and step away. I need to be on the show on A and E called Intervention. I need to start spending time away from my phone. We are growing too close.

I confess:

*Speaking of jumping on the trampoline, ever since I gave birth, I hate jumping on the trampoline. I'm sure if you have given birth before, you know why. TMI?

Head on over and read all the other Friday Confessionals. They are sure to be entertaining!!

What I Wore Wednesday...1st Edition

2011-03-30T00:00:00.002-06:00

I came across this awesome blog that does What I Wore Wednesday where you post pictures of the outfits you wore the past week. I so need this right now! I have gotten so bad at just staying in my jammies or where stained, baggy sweat pants and Marcus' t-shirts.

Knowing that I would be taking pictures of my outfits every day and posting them for the whole world to see gave me the motivation to start caring what I look like again. (except for Monday. Monday didn't happen. I didn't get dressed or shower until 9:00..at night.)

Thursday:

White button up shirt: Old Navy
Black tank top: Down East Outfitters
Pants: Target....I am in between sizes right now and I REFUSE
to spend a small fortune on pants that will hopefully only fit for a couple of more months.
Belt: I have no idea...I've had it forever
Shoes: Kohls
Necklace: I made the gray one. The other one says "I Can Do Hard Things".
It's from The R House Couture.

Isn't it so cute?! The tutorial is on Little Miss Momma. It was super easy and made it in an afternoon while I was at my parents' house.

My bracelets I have been wearing a lot lately.
The red one is from my little boy for my last birthday.
The green one says Donate Life.
I donated a kidney and that's what I got to replace it. :)

Friday:

Shirt: Boutique at the mall
Jeggings: Forever 21...yes, I own jeggings.
They are the most comfortable things. Ever.
Boots: Kohls
Badge: Christian's School. I volunteered today and forgot I had it
on when I took the picture.
Headband: I don't know...Quilted Bear maybe?

But isn't it really cute?
And look!
No grays!!

Saturday:

Shirt: Boutique at the mall
Jeans: DKNY that I have had forever.
Shoes: Target
Hat: Quilted Bear

Looking at this picture made me realize that this shirt is so not cute.
It was really cute on the hanger.

Sunday:

Dress: Impel Clothing
Boots: another thing I have had forever and have no clue where they came from
same with the necklace. But if I had to guess, I would say necklace was Charlotte Russe.

I love the waist on this dress. It hides my muffin top very well.

Tuesday:
*Remember Monday didn't happen this week*

Black Lace Shirt: Sweetest Thingz Boutique
Black T-shirt: Down East Basic
Pink Sweater: Impel Clothing
Belt: Impel Clothing
Jeans: Aeropostale Skinny Jeans
Boots: Birthday present a couple of years ago
Bracelet: Forever 21

Look at the detail on this sweater and belt. I love it!

I really enjoyed actually "getting dressed" this past week. I need to work on my pictures though. Half the time my bed isn't made. Then you can see my garbage pile from cleaning off my desk that I hadn't thrown away yet. And let's not even talk about how dirty that mirror is. I'm going to clean it right now!

Check out all the other sexy mommas over at:

and

Easter Decor

2011-03-29T16:03:00.008-06:00

I didn't decorate for Valentine's Day.

I didn't decorate for St. Patrick's Day.

I didn't even decorate for President's Day...okay, I haven't ever decorated for President's Day, but you get my point.

I figured I would get my Easter decorations up in plenty of time to enjoy them. I also like the colors and fresh feeling they bring to our home. It makes me envision Spring and remember that eventually, the snow and nastiness of Winter will go away and we can enjoy the nice weather. Someday. Right?

This is the entry way of my house. I got the table off KSL last year and LOVE it.

The vinyl blocks were a church project last year. Love the colors!!

I heart Tai Pan Trading!!! The bunnies were really inexpensive and notice the colors? One brown and one white...just like my babies!! Awesome!!

This is the table in the sitting room. I think it would look great as a sofa table, but our current couches recline so having a table behind them doesn't really work.

These bunnies kinda drive me crazy, but Emma helped me decorate, so there they sit.

Top of the piano, also in the sitting room.

Another Tai Pan find. It was 50% off because some of the eggs were coming off. A little hot glue and we are as good as new.

I'm loving the flowers I found. I don't know why they got put away with the Easter stuff. They are so Springy.

Entertainment center in the family room. A couple of Easter decorations and a lot of greenery. Again...think Spring and maybe it'll get here faster.

Not really Easter or Spring, but I think it's cute.
I had the plate and then just cut out a vinyl G.

More color to liven up the house.

Oops...picture is a little crooked.

This is the front door. As of tomorrow, it will also have a No Soliciting sign on it. We had a solicitor last night at 9:00. Normally the kids would have been in bed and probably asleep. Last night we weren't exactly on schedule, but still 9:00? Really?! I understand these people are just trying to do their job, but it drives me crazy!!

Linking up to Centsational Girl Spring Decor Party.
There are such cute ideas posted over there. Go check them out!!

Friday Confessional...

2011-03-24T22:43:00.004-06:00

It's time for my favorite post of the week:

Friday Confessional!!

I confess:

-It drives me crazy that I have to use anti-wrinkle cream and zit cream. I mean, come on! I'm not 13 any more nor am I 50. But if I didn't use either one, ScArY!!

I confess:

-I have been coloring my hair to cover my grays for almost 10 years. When Marcus and I got married almost 8 years ago, I had one gray hair. If I didn't color my hair regularly, I would be almost completely gray. I'm only 29!!! (I know, I know...remember..I am always going to be 29...for like forever!!) I use to always get it colored professionally, but when we had to start watching every penny, that luxury went out the window. Now I have to do it myself. from a box. from the grocery store. The horror, I know.

I confess:

-I still shop in the junior department. I can't bring myself to shop in the women's department. I don't want to dress like my grandma. (No offense, Grandma.) I struggle finding my own style. I don't want to look like a teenager, but I don't want to look like a grandma. There needs to be a happy medium somewhere. There have been numerous times that I have had the same shirt, or pants or purse as one or more of the young women I work with at church. I don't want to be one of those 50 year old women that still dresses like they are 12. You know the ones I am talking about: they look like leather from all the years of tanning, their hair is like 3 feet tall and bleach blonde, their clothes are WAY too tight and their fingernails are longer than their fingers. That's gonna be me in 20 years. Except I don't tan since my grandpa died of skin cancer. I'm always as white as a ghost and I'm okay with that. But the rest will be me unless I learn to dress my age.

I confess:

-I find myself watching the kids' shows (I Carly, Wizards of Waverly Place, Victorious) when they aren't even around. I think I Carly is freakin' hilarious!! Love that show. And yes, I listen to Justin Bieber when Emma isn't around. But don't tell her; she will freak out and get all psycho on me. Justin is hers and only hers.

Great...I just realized that I have revealed to the whole wide world....or small handful of people who actually read this..that I am really a 30 something that colors her gray hair, still gets acne, has wrinkles and dresses like a teenager. Classy Monica. Classy.

Poor Thing...

2011-03-22T21:00:00.004-06:00

While I was at my mom's house this weekend, I found some pictures she had stored away in a box of me growing up.

Everyone says that Emma is a spitting image of me and my response is always, "Poor Thing!!"

Now I have proof as to why I say that. Let me present the evidence:

Exhibit A1:

This is Emma December 2009. She was 2 years old in this picture.

Exhibit A2:

This is me when I was probably around the same age.

At this young age, it's okay that we look a like. We are both cute, blond little girls.
It's the later years that make me feel sorry for Emma looking so much like me.

This brings me to Exhibit B:

Is this REALLY what she has to look forward to?? Really?! The poor girl!! I have no idea what has happened here. I seem to have a growth on my head. Let's never speak of this again, mmmkay!!!

Exhibit C:

This was my 7th grade picture. Not too bad other than the bushy eyebrows and gnarly teeth. I have the Utah claw thing going on with the bangs, but over all not that bad. But then....

Exhibit D:

(Yes, I know it's crooked..too lazy to fix it.)

What in the world happened in Junior High? And why on earth are my glasses SOOO large?! Seriously! They cover half my face. My eyes had a hard time seeing; not my cheeks!! And to top off the great picture, there is serious glass glare on my bushy eyebrows! Note to photographers: there is a way not to get glass glare, Genius!!

So, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, with the evidence that has been shown before you today, I feel like you can completely understand why when people say Emma looks just like me, I say, "Poor thing." And I think you can see it now too.

The defense rests.

Naughty Little Leprechaun

2011-03-19T21:32:00.004-06:00

We had a little visitor the other night that wrecked havoc in our home.

He left his dirty footprints all over the kitchen and left gold coins and candy on the counters and the table.

He was nice enough to make us cupcakes.

And then he ate one

and made a mess with the crumbs.

Then the little bugger turned off my alarm clock and made Christian late for school.

School starts at 8:30.

We woke up at 8:31.

Oops.

I wonder if Christian actually told his teacher that was why he was late...

Friday Confessional: Man Cold...

2011-03-18T00:46:00.001-06:00

I confess:

If my husband doesn't get over his "man cold" soon, I don't know which one of us is going to come out alive. You have the sniffles; you aren't going to die. After I continually made fun of him for being such a baby, he had to go online and find proof that a man's immune system isn't as strong as a woman's and so when they get sick, they get sicker. Did he really think he needed to show me proof that women are better? Did he really think I wasn't all ready aware of that fact?

I confess:

I'm not a very good nurse to him when he is sick. Now if my kids are sick, I am Mary Freakin' Poppins. You need a drink? Got it. You want to lay around and watch movies all day? Done. You have an itch, I will scratch it. But when the husband is sick, I pretty much just tell him to get over it. Toughen up and stop your whining. You want a drink? You have legs, get it yourself? You are hungry? There is food in the kitchen.

I confess:

I find it funny that he can donate a kidney and not complain about the pain but when he has a runny nose, he thinks he is going to die. I've had the same cold for almost two weeks now and you don't hear me complaining. Now I didn't say I hadn't been complaining, but the husband's moans and groans drown out my little complaints of not feeling well. I don't want to annoy him by moaning my death bed wishes because I have the sniffles. (just wish the husband was as considerate.)

I confess:

I feel like maybe I should feel bad that I am leaving him for four days to go to the my parent's house. But he's a big boy. He'll survive, right? The two little ones and I are going to my brother's baby's blessing and Emma and I are still sick. I hate when people bring their sick kids out around other people, especially little babies. So we have our hand sanitizer, face masks, cough medicine and nebulizer all packed and ready to go with us. We are going to keep our own nasty germs to ourselves.

I confess:

I'm so ready for spring/summer to finally get here. Good bye nasty colds and coughs. Good bye jackets and socks. Good bye to feeling guilty making the kids play outside. Hello to kicking the kids outside all day and only seeing them when they need food and when I have to kiss ouchies better. Hello to popsicles and ice cream van. Hello to not having to wake up at the butt crack of down to get to Kindergarten everyday.

I confess:

I am now just rambling so I don't have to get up and get my day going. I have to pack for the weekend and get some stuff done around the house, but yet, here I sit. Typing away at the computer while Emma watches Sleeping Beauty and not wearing pants. (Emma not wearing pants, I have pants on. She can pull it off; me, not so much.)

Head on over and read the other confessionals; they are usually quite entertaining!!

The Beginning of Spring Cleaning...

2011-03-11T16:02:00.002-07:00

I use to be completely and totally obsessed, borderline OCD about keeping my house perfect. Eight years of marriage and two kids later, a lot has changed. I've gotten lazy. Or I've gotten more realistic more likely. I've relaxed a lot...sometimes too much. (Don't go near my laundry room right now. The laundry monster that keeps reproducing more laundry might get you. I wish I was as fertile as it is.) Anywho...I've let my house get unorganized and crazy. I crave organization and cleanliness and schedules. I've been so out of whack and out of control lately with all the (insert bad word of choice here) I have had to deal with lately. I went to make a grocery list the other day and snapped. I gutted my kitchen and cleaned, I mean REALLY cleaned it. When I get in this "mood" as my husband calls it, nothing else matters. It took me two days to completely clean the kitchen and of course I didn't take any before or during pictures. Bet your sweet booty I have the good after pics though.

When I cleaned out my pantry, this was all the expired food that was in there. Yum! Yum!

I still don't like the way my pantry is organized. Someday I want a pantry that looks like this. LoVe it!! Until then, we have this:

Threw away all the left overs that never get eaten but continue to get put in the fridge.

A few of the cupboards after they were cleaned out and a box was filled with stuff to donate.

I like to pretend I cook a lot with all those cookbooks. I'm actually in a slump. We have like 10 meals that we rotate among. I need to find new recipes. You would think with all the books I have, we would have a different meal every day and never repeat. Again, I'm too lazy right now, I guess.

This is the cupboard above the the computer desk in the kitchen. It has never really been functional, more like a gathering place for the whole family's junk. Maybe now with a little organization, life can take a short break from being so hectic. Or I can pretend anyway...

I have put some filing folders on the side of the fridge so I can organize things as soon as they come in. The kitchen is the dumping ground for everyone so I am willing to try anything. Five minutes after the kitchen is clean, it's trashed again.

My kitchen hasn't been redone since we built our house and since I am broke, I can't do anything about it. I "shopped" my house and re-arranged the top of the cupboards. I took most of the sunflower stuff down. Once I have a little extra money, I have ideas of what I want to do.

Finally!
A clean kitchen.

Let's see how long it stays clean.

This is our front room, sitting room, boring room, formal room...whatever you call it. I have such plans for this room!! I'm getting rid of the couch. (Hate it!) I want to paint some dark brown in there and finally get curtains up. Once again, when I have extra money to throw around.

This is an area of my house that I have never done anything with. I don't know what TO DO with it. It's above the entry way and the outside wall of the master bedroom. It's a big, tall, bare wall. I need ideas.

Over at Organizing Junkie, Laura is doing a 52 week program to get your house organized. I'm just getting on board now so obviously I am a little behind. I'm anxious to get started on the rest of my house and clean clean clean!! (After I get done snuggling and watching movies with a sick little three year old that is.)

Christian's Jazz Basketball Birthday Party...

2011-03-07T21:52:00.005-07:00

My wonderful little boy turned six in January and wanted a basketball party. We had it at the church since it is freezing cold here and we don't have a basketball hoop. (As long as we are in the house we are in, we won't have a hoop. Our driveway is slanted and I see had things happening with a basketball hoop outside on it.)
A big gym where there was plenty of room to run and be maniacs was perfect. I didn't decorate a whole lot, just a few signs, streamers and balloons.

We had hot dogs and kool aid...

and we rented a cotton candy machine. It was a HUGE hit with the kids!!

My attempt at basketball cupcakes. I think this is my last attempt at making the kids' cakes. They never turn out and I'm never happy with them. That's what the grocery store bakery is for, right?!

Cracker jacks were the thank you's.
We invited A LOT of kids, but I didn't think they would all come. All but one of the kids came...leaving us with about 20 kids. It was insane!!!

I was worried about not having enough things to do and that there were too many kids, but by the look on this little boy's face, it was all good.

I think next year we will cut the list of kids in half and only have the party last an hour and a half. Lots of kids meant a lot of presents. It took a while to open all of them and by the end most of the kids, including the birthday boy himself, were ready to be done with the presents.

It was a good party and the kids had a lot of fun.
Now I need to start thinking of ideas for Emma's 4th birthday party in June. She has changed her mind half a dozen times on what kind of party she wants. Ask her right now and I guarantee she will say a Justin Bieber party...that'll be fun!!

Another Friday Confessional...

2011-03-03T18:02:00.002-07:00

It seems like the only time I blog anymore is on Friday Confessionals. My brain is incapable of doing a complete post that makes sense so I put all my random, crazy thoughts into one post and call it good.

So here goes, another week of confessions:

I confess:

*I have a love/hate relationship with Girl Scout Cookies. I love them. But hate that I can't just eat one. Once the box is opened, they are gone. My weight loss journey is put on hold...until the cookies are gone. (which won't be long since I eat them non-stop.)
When I got married, my goal was to always be able to fit into my wedding dress. Right now if I put it on, I think I would need the Jaws of Life to get it off.

*I hate the sound of people brushing their teeth. Helping the kids brush their teeth each night almost puts me over the edge. Then having to listen to Marcus brush his teeth is too much. The swishing, slobbery, nastiness is just too gross. Then the spitting of the toothpaste and spit...just thinking about it gives me the creeps. I can brush my own teeth no problem...everyone else is just gross.

*Since my last week's confession, I have rocked at keeping my house clean. My sister was floored that I actually posted the pictures of my kitchen and Emma's room. It's my dirty little secret that I am slowly becoming more accepting of.

*Working from home is not all that is cracked up to be. Drawing the line between work time and family time is tough. Last week I was on a phone call regarding pictures, the timer to dinner was going off and Emma kept yelling "Fart is a funny word, huh Mommy." After that night, I decided that come 5:00, no more work phone calls. It's bad enough that I made the kids frozen pizza for dinner that night, but burnt frozen pizza is much worse. I'm still trying to find the balance between working and all my mommy duties. I don't know if it exists, but I'm determine to try to figure it out. "Let mommy work" and "I'm busy right now" are two phrases that I have used way too often the past two months. There has to be a better way than my current system...or lack of system is a better way to look at it.

*I'm not a good "Soccer mom". I am so tired of watching Christian play basketball. He has practice every Friday night and a game every Saturday. He loves it! I'm ready for a break though. He only has two weeks of basketball left, but then it's soccer time. Then as soon as soccer is over, it's baseball. Emma only has parents day once a month for the last ten minutes of dance class; that is more up my alley. I'm horrible, I know.

I'm linking up with other Friday Confessions. Go check em out. I guarantee a good time.

Friday Confessional...

2011-02-25T16:21:00.009-07:00

Most people I know think that my house looks like this ALL THE TIME...

I have a dirty little secret...lately my house looks like this ALL THE TIME...

I HATE doing dishes. I would rather scrub toilets than do the dishes. How do you keep up with your dishes? My dishwasher is always full as well as my sink. I hate it. Dishes and laundry are always piling up and I am never caught up with either.

Emma loves to play in her room. Shes has WAY toooo many toys in her room. We are working on teaching her to clean up as she goes. I get the feeling we will be working on that for awhile.

The President, Head Honcho, Big Cheese....call him what you want, of the photography business we own called this last week and said he would be out on Monday and wanted to see our office.

This is currently our office:

Umm..yeah....I have my work cut out for me.

I am beginning to think I am a little too honest on these Friday Confessional Posts. People are going to start to think I am some psychopath slob that needs her head examined.....and, they would be RIGHT!!!

Mini Extreme Make Over...

2011-02-21T22:34:00.004-07:00

Remember this horrible....err...a pink room? This was done about three years ago for Taylor. Marcus let her pick out the colors...yeah, we had words later on letting a 10 year old have complete say on her bedroom.

If you ever had a stomachache, you could walk into this room; it was just like you were walking into a bottle of Pepto Bismol...

Taylor turned 13 last week and we decided to redo her room for her birthday present. She was gone to her mom's house the week before her birthday, so it worked out perfectly. We had exactly a week to paint, shop, redecorate,clean and organize her room. And on top of that, we are in right in the middle of crazy photo shoots and not feeling great. But we did it.

So we go from crazy pink to:

Awesome Purple, Gray and Black!!!

Taylor showed Marcus a bed set she liked and then the rest was up to us. Jessi gave a lot of good advice and was a lot of help...from a distance. She had whooping cough and I wouldn't let her inside our house. With Emma's asthma, there was no way I was letting her be near the cootie, sick girl. Luckily, when it was time for the girls to come back to our house, Jessi was doing better.

We painted her wood dresser and bookshelf white. Marcus' mom made the throw pillows. Marcus did most of the painting.

Taylor LOVED her room!! Her reaction was the best!! It was a good thing for her I think. She just turned 13, this room is like a fresh start for her teenage years.

I love Taylor's room too!! It turned out so much better than we had hoped. Doing her room has made me want to redo the whole house. Instead, I think I will just clean it. With all the focus on Taylor's room last week, the rest of the house suffered. Let's just say I hope Emma can find her way out of her room in the morning...

Linking up to:

Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda....

2011-02-20T17:57:00.005-07:00

Disclaimer:
The following post is not to gain sympathy or encourage anyone to build my self esteem. I have my issues and I have a blog; this is where I air my issues. I'm not fishing for compliments...
Yes, unfortunately for certain people I have to have this kind of disclaimer. Everyone is entitled to a pity party ever now and then. Today it's my turn.

Anyway, on to my point..

I have always struggled with self esteem and self image issues. It's not anything I can blame on anyone else; not my parents, not my siblings, not my friends...it's just me. I was loved and praised as a child growing up and was always told how smart and wonderful and blah blah blah I was. I won't be on a shrink's couch anytime soon blaming my parents for my low self esteem and poor self image issues. I have always been a perfectionist and HATE to make mistakes or do anything wrong. If something doesn't come naturally to me, I quit. Bad habit, yes, I know.

I have never been happy with the way I look or with my body. Even before I got pregnant, gained 70 pounds and lost MOST of that, I was never happy with my body. I have been a size 5 before family life took over. Even then I wasn't thin enough. I have issues. You can get lost in my many chins. I have big cankles. (hence the blog name.) I am a shy, reserved person because I am too worried about looking like an idiot. I am so stinkin' self conscious of every little thing I do.

For example:

For those who are friends with me on Facebook know that I just did a photo shoot for an online clothing company.

They were having a contest for models for their new Spring line. All you had to was send in a picture of yourself and they would choose a handful of girls to model their new clothes. I was chosen to be one of the models!! I was so excited. I got to go to Park City, to a 4.25 MILLION DOLLAR mansion (it was HUGE!!) and model their Spring line. I was so excited to have this opportunity to feel like a model and try something I had never done before.

Only now...I completely regret it.
(No, I didn't pose nude and now regret the pictures. :) Geeze, people.)

The company is slowly releasing pictures here and there on their website and Facebook. I am in hardly any. I know, I sound like a spoiled brat and a baby. But my self esteem took a HUGE dip after the photo shoot. It has affected me more than I ever thought it would.

(They used a picture of me, but cut off my head so you can only see my chest!!!...I didn't know my face was that bad!) Okay, I'm only kidding about this part. They are showing off the flowers on this cardigan, I know that.

So of course I'm thinking they didn't use any of me because I was the biggest girl there...and I really was. I wasn't even in double digit sizes, but I was still the largest girl there. I thought the other girls were all prettier than me. Or I only won the contest because they felt sorry for me. And on and on and on. I felt like I was back in junior high. I didn't feel like I fit in and didn't know where I belonged.

I have now realized that it IS completely my fault that my pictures weren't used. But, it's not because of how big my thighs looked or the fact that I was having a bad hair day. I didn't LET myself have fun. I didn't let myself relax enough in front of the camera to get pictures that didn't look so stiff. I was too worried about looking dumb.

If I could go back and do it over again, I would do a lot of things differently. Relax. Have Fun. Smile. Be Silly. I need to apply that to all of my life, not just the photo shoot. I need to stop taking myself so seriously and be okay with making mistakes and doing stupid things.

I don't know how to build my self esteem now. I am in my 30's. I should be comfortable with who I am and like the person that I have become. I should love my body, imperfections and all. But I'm not and I don't. How do you conquer your fears of rejection and not being good enough? How do you start to love the person you are?

I don't completely regret finding the clothing company. I LOVE the clothes they have. They are affordable and modest, two things that are hard to find. Marcus may regret me finding them when we have a little extra money to throw around though...

I will continue to be involved with photography...I will just stay on the other end of the camera. I will continue to try to learn how to deal with my imperfections and insecurities. I will continue to hate my cankles...always have, always will. They aren't going anywhere. :)

Another disclaimer:
By no means am I talking bad about Impel Clothing or the other models there. They were all so awesome. Go check out Impel Clothing. They offer way cute stuff!

Friday Confessional: Free Therapy...

2011-02-11T00:07:00.003-07:00

Time for Friday Confessional again. I really love these kind of posts; I get to write down a bunch of random thoughts and feelings and not worry about trying to make sense of it. So here we go. Hold on, it's gonna be a wild ride.

I confess:

I'm exhausted.
Not the "I've just ran 13 miles" exhausted.
Not the "I stayed up too late and got up too early" exhausted.
Not even the "I haven't had my daily Diet Coke" exhausted.
I'm the kind of exhausted that comes from trying to hard: trying to be someone I'm not. Trying to please everyone and feeling like I am letting everyone down instead. Trying to figure things and just ending up more lost than before.

I'm stuck in a rut and can't seem to find my way out. Every so often I think, "Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Today is going to be the day that things change." Without fail, that exact day turns out to be an icky kind of day. So I end up gorging myself on cheeseburgers, french fries and cookies. I feel better for about five minutes and then feel guilty for eating my weight in nasty, greasy food.

The kind of exhausted that comes from moving but not going anywhere.

I confess:

I find myself living vicariously through a handful of blogs I read. They are the kind of blogs that only talk about rainbows and butterflies, never the storms before the rainbow. They have the perfect families, spotless houses and amazing friends. They are the perfect moms who sew, bake, cook and craft like Martha freaking Stewart. They are the opposite of me, maybe that's why I enjoy reading them so much. I used to have a spotless house. Everything had it's place and everything made sense. Only homemade cookies if we were to make cookies. Twice in the past week we have made cookies; they just had to be put on a cookie sheet and put into the oven. No cutting out or frosting required. Did the kids care? No. Did I care? You bet your sweet booty I did. Next time we make cookies, I'm sure they will all ready be cut out and ready to go. I can't even access my craft room at the moment. My Valentine's decorations are still in the garage. I have good intentions of getting stuff done, but that's about how far I get these days.

I confess:

I hate how I can write really good blog posts in my head while I am driving down the freeway. Then I get home and I try to write a post, and I sound like I am in fifth grade trying to write a complete sentence. Grrrr...it's annoying. I have lots of good ideas for posts, but I never get to writing them down.

I confess:

I am too lazy to walk up to bed. I am now on my third episode of The Nanny on Nick at Nite. I love The Nanny. It cracks me up.

I confess:

My three year old is OBSESSED with Justin Bieber. I mean completely and totally head over heals in love with his boy. She is three. I think she is gonna need therapy soon. She listens to his CD non-stop. She has to have it on to go to sleep at night. She takes it with us in car. She will lay in her room and listen to it for hours. She has this white tiger that is bigger than she is. She has decided that he is Justin Bieber. He also goes everywhere with us. My mom, bless her heart, bought Emma a Justin Bieber t-shirt. She would wear it all the time if I let her. She says she is going to marry him in the temple. If you say anything bad about him, she gets honestly upset. It started out as cute, but now it's a little extreme. Come on, she's three. I fear what she is going to be like when she is 13.

I confess:

Today is the one year anniversary of my surgery. Medically speaking (regarding the kidney anyway) it is safe to get pregnant now. Now I just need to convince the husband. Realistically we can not afford adoption, like ever again. Unless we win the lottery. Or come across some rich uncle that leaves us a small fortune. I feel like someone is missing from our family. There is room in my heart for another baby. But I don't think my patience has anymore room at the moment. Maybe someday...

Pepe, the wonderful man who received my kidney, is doing wonderful. I received a very nice card from him in the mail today. His medication has been cut in half and he says he has a new lease on life. I love that I was able to make someone's life better.

All right, now that the fourth episode of The Nanny is starting, I think it's my bedtime. So go check out the rest of the Friday Confessionals and link up. It's refreshing, like a free mini therapy session.

Dear Christian...

2011-01-27T18:36:00.005-07:00

I can't believe it!! Today you are six years old!! Where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday that we were getting a phone call that changed our lives forever. You were an answer to my prayers and a light in my life.

You are turning into such a wonderful little boy. I won't be able to call you a little boy much longer; it seems time is going much too quickly. I still remember you having your "bup" and smearing poop all over your crib. (you naughty little boy.)

You are so talented it's almost unbelievable. The way you can pick up any instrument and figure out how to play it is beyond me. You have more rhythm in your little finger than I do in my whole body. I love watching you play sports; another natural talent you have. (Which is a very good thing, cuz we all know how well Daddy throws a ball.)

Your sisters love you very much; you are an awesome brother. Emma adores you and I love watching you two play together.

I love how you make friends wherever you go. You are always playing with your friends. It was hard for me at first to let you play with friends all the time; it made me realize that you are growing up and Mommy isn't as cool as she use to be.

You keep me on track: you don't let me say bad words, if we forget prayers you are always the one to remind me and you always want to read your scriptures. I love it.

I know I grumble a lot because you still come into my bed EvErY night. One night I asked you why you felt like you had to come in my bed every night. You were half asleep but your answer was, "Because I love you." How could I make you go back to bed that night? I love that when you are scared or lonely at night, cuddling with me makes everything okay. (but once in awhile, can you cuddle with Daddy? I do like some sleep once in a while. Or convince Daddy to buy a bigger bed? that would work too..)

I hope you have a great sixth birthday. I'm sorry I was gone most of the day, but we will have lots of fun at your party tomorrow. I love you bug!!

Love,
Mommy

I Have A Dream...

2011-01-18T12:45:00.001-07:00

With yesterday being Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I wanted to do a special Family Home Evening Activity. I got the idea from The R House; I just had to tweak it a bit since Emma can't have ice cream. I got some different kind of candy from the store, (gotta love the bulk section at Winco, baby!) and separated it into different bowls.

While we ate the candy, we talked about even though all the candy was different, it was all still yummy and we liked it all the same. Some were gummy, others were hard. The lips were cinnamon and the licorice tasted like cherry.

Then we got out the toys.

We talked about playing with all the toys even though they were different. The kids love all their toys and don't care about their differences.

We talked about being friends to everyone and anyone regardless of what they look like. I love that we have a trans racial family. I love that my children don't even think about skin color or the differences among people.

While I was giving the lesson, I thought things were going well. Towards the end, Christian said, "I thought this was suppose to be fun." Candy + Toys = Fun...or so he thought. I laughed; it was rather funny.

I wanted to talk with Christian and Emma about Martin Luther King Jr and what a great man he was. I'm not ready to talk about slavery with Christian yet. He will learn soon enough what things used to be like. I will protect him from the hatred and stupidity people had (and unfortunately, some still have) for as long as I can.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

Being Productive...

2011-01-18T00:25:00.007-07:00

Last week I got things done!!
My sister and I threw a baby shower for my sister in law and I was in charge of the thank you's. I dipped forty pretzel sticks and they actually turned out...I think. They look cute, but I can't eat them. The smell of the melting chocolate makes my stomach turn; I have used it far too much. My printer is being stubborn and won't print in color so I had to make the tags myself. I think they turned out well.

I made two patch work quilts last week and forgot to take pictures of either one. Duh!! This frog material was the block I worked around. It also had purple, pink and yellow. The one I made for my sister in law turned out way cute. The one I made for church...well, yeah, not so much but I finally got it done.

I tried my first attempt at the latest craze: cake pops. The outcome wasn't so good. I think the cake part turned out kinda mushy. And again, I don't like the melting chocolate. I wasn't a big fan. Maybe we will try again when I have nothing to do. They looked much better then they tasted. The kids ate them up though...they must have not been that bad.

I was in charge of the weekly activity for the Mia Maid class for Young Women's last week. We made journal jars. I made one for an example and I think this could be a good thing to help me blog. There are a lot of times I want to blog but have nothing to say. You just print out a bunch of questions, put them in a jar and pull out a question a day or a week or whenever you want. I haven't used it yet, but my intentions are good. :)

I finally figured out why I had kids:

I kid. I kid. They were dying to use their new snow shovels their grandma bought for them. Cute kids!!

Friday Confessional #2

2011-01-07T17:54:00.003-07:00

I confess:

I hate mommy guilty. I hate feeling like whatever I do or don't do, I am damaging my children. Some shrink is gonna make a lot of money one day when my kids are older. They are going to have lots of "mommy issues".

So what if my house is not the most organized and structured? I don't live on a rigid schedule where every breath is scheduled and every trip to the bathroom is written down. We do what we need to when we need to. We are on time to school every day. (too bad I can't say the same thing about church. don't judge me.) Sometimes we have plans and sometimes they don't always happen. Go with the flow, right? I'm sorry I don't plan six months in advance. I guess I'm too busy living in the moment.

My kids are loud..sometimes I am talking break the sound barrier loud. They have no idea what an inside voice is. But they have fun together. They play together. They laugh together. I think the rest of us just need to invest in decent ear plugs. I don't want to be a kill joy.

I have broken everyone of my New Year's Resolutions all ready. Seven days into the new year, and I suck!!

I have become a complete and total homebody. I use to hate being home all the time, now I hate leaving the house. Getting myself ready and out the door is almost too much for me. I have a Blogger's GNO later this month. Last time I went, I had a blast. I don't know if I want to go to this one this time. It requires me getting ready and leaving the house. Good thing I have no life or this new "condition" could be a lot worse.

I'm completely and totally addicted to Castle. I got season 1 and 2 on DVD for Christmas. Yeah, I am done with both seasons. I watched them over Christmas break while I got caught up on laundry and also while I walked on my treadmill. I have taken a bit of a break from watching season 3. But I bet I will be done by next week. Pathetic, I know.

I gained six pounds over Christmas Break. I think it's all in my cheeks. Whenever I talk on my phone, I seem to always hang up on whoever I am talking to...or at least that's what I tell them. I ate way too many goodies over the Holidays. My pants are a little tighter now. I'll do better...right after I have banana splits with my munchkins. :)

Resolutions...

2011-01-01T23:02:00.004-07:00

I'm excited for the new year. I love feeling like I have a clean slate and can do anything.

What is in store for you in 2011?

I love setting New Year's Resolutions and have set a few for this year.

2011 Resolutions

-Be a Better Mommy

This is the most important goal I have set for myself this year. Less yelling. Less putting the kids second or even third sometimes. Less of "I'll play Barbies after I'm done with the laundry." Less of "I'll play Wii games after I do the dishes." And definitely less of "I'll feed you after this level of Angry Birds or this episode of Castle is over." (all right, it's not really that bad, but it's getting close.) The first day of 2011 was a good one. Emma and I played Babies and Christian had a special visit from the Kissy Monster.

-"Let it Go"

I am determined to StOp taking things so personally. I was ready to give Facebook (gasp!) up because a friend not only unfriended me, but then blocked me so I couldn't see them on Facebook. Seriously! At first I pretended I didn't care. Then I was mad. What did I ever do? Then my feelings got hurt. I went through everything on my account to see what I said or didn't say that could have been taken the wrong way. Why would this "friend" unfriend me? I still don't know. And yes, it still upsets me. I can't help it. Everything is so personal. My Christmas cards this year, that I designed and thought were really cute, were called "cheesy" by someone that I sent them to. It shouldn't have bothered me, but my feelings got hurt and I was upset. Why do I care what others think of me so much? I need to ReLaX!!!

I want to learn to let things go. To let them slide right off my back. But I don't know how. I hate thinking I upset someone or did something wrong. If I accidentally cut someone off in traffic, the next day I still feel bad. Ridiculous, I know. So I want to figure out how to not care so much. I don't want to become cold hearted, just not so tender hearted. I think the self help section of Barnes and Noble and I are going to become fast, good friends this year.

-Lose Weight

I like muffins, but I don't think I look good wearing one. My muffin top needs to go. Marcus has rigged up this snazzy set up on my treadmill with my cell phone. I can watch episodes of Castle and Grey's Anatomy while I run/walk. I am registered for the Ogden 1/2 marathon later this Spring and I so need to get my butt in shape. I enjoy my food a little too much. Sugar. Sugar. And more sugar. YuMmY!! I would love to be able to not have to do my "jean dance" to get my pants on. This is my year!!

-Live up to my reputation of Wonder Woman

I want to work on getting a grasp on my crazy life. Between family, work, church callings, volunteering, being taxi, trying to have a social life, and everything in between, I feel like my world is spinning out of control. To the outside world, I have complete control of my life. If only...

Marcus and I even set some goals together for the upcoming year. 2011 is going to be a great year for us!!

I would love to be able to say that we would be adding to our family in 2011, but I think one of my resolutions should be to come to terms that our family is complete. Not a resolution I want to actually accomplish, but come what may and love it, right?

My motto for the new year is "I can do hard things." I just need to keep reminding myself of this and I can accomplish anything.

HaPpY NeW YeAr!!!

Good Riddance 2010!!!

2010-12-31T14:12:00.005-07:00

The year 2010 is over!!

How do I put this nicely...2010 was a year from Hell for us!!

I am so glad to see it go. I am so excited for what waits just around the corner in 2011.

Since we closed/sold for nothing both restaurants, we have been scrapping by. Just as we got to the bottom of the barrel with absolutely nothing left to scrape, Marcus received an incredible job offer. He doesn't start until mid-January so the next few weeks are going to be tricky. (Too bad neither one of us has an extra kidney to sell..) But I am so excited for Marcus to have this great opportunity and I am so excited for our family to get back to normal...as normal as we can be anyway.

We have many great opportunities waiting for us. We have learned a lot this past year about ourselves, about each other and about our family. I think Marcus and I have both grown a lot (and I'm not just talking about all the extra weight I have gained this year) and we are both better people for the trials we have experienced.

I am very glad to close the door on 2010 and can't wait for 2011. Great things are on the horizon for us.

Marcus and I plan on bringing the new year in in style!! Every year we have done something big: Disneyland, Denver, First Night in SLC or have had parties at our house with friends. This year we both just wanted to stay home. So it'll be just the two of us at midnight sitting in our pj's eating lots and lots of food. No traveling required. No mess to clean up. Just the two of us bringing in the New Year together.

Here's to hoping you all have a great and safe New Year!!

From Our Family To Yours...

2010-12-18T23:05:00.003-07:00

We HoPe YoU HaVe A GrEaT HoLiDaY SeAsOn!!

Our Adoption Story Part Two...

2010-12-01T13:07:00.006-07:00

Read the first part of our story here.

I decided to go to Sacrament and wait to call the adoption agency back. I NEVER EVER take my phone to church with me. For some reason, I felt a very strong prompting to take it into Sacrament with me. (Yes, I have since repented.) :) During the opening song, I felt very strongly that I should check my phone. Why? Everyone who calls me knows that I am in church and Marcus has been on an airplane for a few hours. I wasn't expecting any phone calls. But I decide to check my phone anyway. I had just missed a call from Marcus!! How did that work? He was high in the sky flying to Georgia for three weeks. I grabbed my jacket and went outside to call him back.

I call him while he was on the phone with Jane, who works with the agency we were using.

Marcus had been upgraded to first class and had a big comfy chair. Marcus being Marcus, he immediately fell asleep. He woke up an hour and a half later, and they were still on the ground. He asks his buddy who is with him what's going on and he told him that there was something wrong with a water tank or something so they had to get that fixed, and then as soon as that had been fixed, one of the engines was having trouble. They went back to the gate so a mechanic could check out the engine. The flight attendant told them they could turn their phones back on and let anybody who may be waiting for any of them know that they were going to be late. Marcus didn't have anyone to call; he didn't have to be to work until Monday and I was at church. He felt like he really needed to turn on his phone though. When he turned on his phone, he had two voice mails; one from Jane and one from me..completely freaking out. He tried to call me, but my phone was on vibrate, so I didn't hear it. He then called Jane to get more details.

There was a beautiful 12 month old little boy who needed a home. He had been living with his birth family, but because of some circumstances, his birth mom knew he needed a better life. He was in Alabama, but he, along with his birth mom and sister would be flying into Utah the next day. Were we interested in adopting him?

Marcus told Jane that he couldn't make this decision without talking to me and there was no way of getting a hold of me and he was on his way out of the state. The situation wasn't really what we had planned on, (we originally wanted a newborn baby girl.) and he had to talk to me first. Just then, I called him. He hung up with Jane and gave me a rundown of what was said. He asked me, "Do we do this?" I thought about it for probably two seconds and then said without a doubt in my mind, "Yes". As soon as we had decided, the door to the plane opened. (I still get chills even now writing this.) It's as if the Lord was saying, "I made a way for this to happen, now get off the plane and go get your baby." Marcus told the flight attendant he had to get off the plane because we had to go get our baby. She said that he must have been the reason the plane was having all the problems.

I had to sneak back in to Sacrament and tell our friends to let someone know I wouldn't be in Primary that day. (I was over the singing in Primary at the time.) I left straight from the church to go to the airport to get Marcus; we had a lot to get ready for the arrival of our little boy.

After we stayed up pretty much all night, went to Walgreens at 2 in the morning to get copies of our family scrapbook and finished all the paper work, we were ready to meet our little boy. But..we had to wait until about 9:00 that night. We met Christian and his family at the California Pizza Kitchen at the Gateway. I can't even begin to try to explain our emotions that night. I was so nervous; I was sick to my stomach. What do you say to the person that is going to make all your dreams come true?? After we waited for what seemed like an eternity, in walked Tammie, (Christian's birth mom) carrying the cutest little boy with the biggest brown eyes and chubbiest cheeks in the world.

We had dinner and a nice time with everyone and made plans to meet up the next day. We went to Wingers for lunch and got to talk some more and ask questions. After lunch, we took them back to their hotel. We weren't suppose to get to bring Christian home until Tammie had signed the papers, but she insisted on us bringing Christian home. We got to bring our baby home that night!!

The next morning we signed all the papers and made everything "official." We took everyone to The Treehouse Museum to play. After that, we took Tammie back to the hotel for the last goodbye; she was flying back to Alabama the next morning. I still can't talk about this day without crying. Yes, I was becoming a mommy finally, but I was also taking away someone's baby. When we were getting ready to go, Summer (Christian's sister who was three at the time) came and grabbed my leg and said, "Leave Kitchen here. Don't take Kitchen." (She called Christian Kitchen because she couldn't say his name.) This broke my heart and it took every ounce of self control I had to not completely lose it right then and there. Tammie patted Christian on his back and said, "Bye, Buddy" and we left. That was it. The second the door closed, I was bawling. Adoption is such an emotional thing. I was finally a mommy. I had my own baby. But Tammie's heart was breaking. She gave me the greatest gift I have ever received. She is my hero.

We came home to a little party. Marcus' family all came over to welcome Christian home.

There never really seemed to be a big adjustment period for Christian or for us. Everything just seemed so natural right from the beginning. I have loved this little boy since the minute I laid my eyes on him. If my faith is every wavering, all I have to do is think about all the miracles that happened to bring this little boy home. This was definitely the Lord's work, and for that, I am forever thankful.

Our Adoption Story Part One...

2010-11-21T15:28:00.005-07:00

Since November is National Adoption Month, I figured this would be a great time to FINALLY share our adoption story. I'm going to break it up into at least two different posts because it is pretty lengthy. It may have happened almost five years ago, but I remember every detail and want to share our story of faith, love and how we became parents to the most wonderful little boy in the world.

Marcus and I were married in April of 2003. By June of that same year, we decided it was time for a baby of our own. We had Marcus' girls here every other week and we had dated for two years before we were married so we both felt it was baby time. It took awhile, but we finally got pregnant. We were so excited and couldn't wait to have our baby. We immediately told everyone and had even picked out a few names. Six weeks into the pregnancy, we lost the baby. At the time, this was the worst thing that had ever happened to me, and I honestly didn't know if I would ever be able to pick up the pieces and move on. My heart was shattered and there was nothing anyone could do to fix it. Now, I am thankful for that experience. If we hadn't have had that miscarriage, I would not get to be the mommy to the most awesome little boy ever.

After the miscarriage, we tried and tried and tried to get pregnant again. Nothing happened. We went to doctor after doctor. We saw at least two infertility specialists. Spent thousands of dollars on unsuccessful treatments, drugs, tests and procedures. We had one doctor tell me I would never get pregnant and other doctors would tell us they had no idea why we were not getting pregnant. We had what they call "Unexplained Infertility." Having that as a label made it even worse for me. If I can't get pregnant, I would like to at least know why. Marcus all ready was the father to two children, so of course I knew it was me who was broken. Broken; that's exactly how you feel when you can't do the one thing you know you where put on this earth to do.

Clomid, HSG test, even artificial insemination and nothing. I didn't want to try In Vitro Fertilization. Too much money and no guarantee we would even get pregnant or able to carry the baby to term. Adoption had always been an option to us. It had such a big price tag attached to it, but it was something we both wanted. We could try In Vitro for the same amount of money and possibly have no baby, or we adopt and are finally going to be blessed with a little one to call our own. I knew all growing up and into my teenage years that I was going to adopt a beautiful brown little boy. This was before I knew who I was going to marry or that I wasn't going to be able to get pregnant. In the back of my mind, I just knew there was a wonderful little boy out there somewhere that someday was going to call me mommy.

I mentioned to Marcus that if we are going to look at adoption, that I wanted to adopt an African American baby. There was never a second of hesitation from either one of us. We knew what we were suppose to do, now we just needed to find the means to do it with. One night, I was in the bathtub and Marcus was on our bed looking at adoption agencies on his laptop. He says, "I found the agency where we are going to get our baby from." I'm thinking, "Uh huh..whatever." But unfortunately, he was right. (I hate it when that happens.) :)

We called Heart and Soul Adoptions and got the ball rolling. We got the paperwork we were suppose to fill out, got our home study done by the best Social Worker in the world, and were just getting ready to wait the long wait for a baby. Eleven days after we contacted the agency, two days after our home study and before our paperwork was even filled out completely and handed in, we got THE phone call. There were only two problems with the phone call: 1. I had missed the original call and was on my way to church and 2. Marcus was on an airplane with his phone off and was going to be gone for three weeks. What was I suppose to do?? If I couldn't get a hold of Marcus and call the agency back, would they skip over us? Should I just call them without talking to Marcus first? Could I make a decision like that on my own? Needless to say, I was freaking out!!

More story to come and there will be cute pictures too!!! ;)

HaPpY HaLlOwEeN!!!

2010-10-31T18:14:00.011-06:00

We have had a lot of fun this past week. We started out by going to Draper to go with my sister and her girls to a little Halloween Party at one of their parks. Neither one of the munchkins would wear their jackets, so of course they were both freezing and a tad on the whiny side. We played some games, got our pictures taken, faces painted and waited in line FOREVER for some popcorn and cotton candy. After the party, we went back to my sister's house for pizza. We didn't get home until after 11 pm...yes, it was a school night. I know, I know....

They were a little hesitant at first to take the candy from "Freakenstien" as Emma calls him.

Christian and Madeleine were very excited to do the race...

Emma..not so much. She just stood there. You could not get that girl to move.

On Friday night, we carved and painted our pumpkins. I have never been a huge fan of carving pumpkins, so I let Marcus help the little ones carve their pumpkins.

Emma painted her little pumpkin she chose at the pumpkin patch where she went on her field trip.

Leave it to Marcus to get out the power tools to carve the pumpkins. What ever happened to a good old sharp knife?

This was Christian's pumpkin.

This was Jessi's pumpkin..Taylor was at a party that night and I wasn't around the next day to get pictures of her doing her pumpkin.

I didn't even attempt to carve a pumpkin. I used good old trusty markers instead.

Halloween night, my sister and her girls came down to go to our trunk or treat with us. Here are four of the goblins in their costumes.

Here are the other two goblins with Emma and Christian at the church.

We had soups and breads outside before the trunk or treat started. Of course, it started to rain and everything had to be moved inside. It was complete and total CHAOS!!!

Christian wanted to be done trick or treating before we were even close to being finished. He went and helped Marcus hand out candy.

Me and my Hulk. Cutest Hulk Ever!!!

The two butterflies.

I honestly think Christian's favorite part of the night was staying home handing out candy to the trick or treaters we got at our house.

After the trunk of treat, we came and went to a few houses around the neighborhood. It was a good Halloween, but I am glad I it's over. I've all ready started to take down the decorations.

Hope you had a great Halloween too!!!

Worms, Witches and Butterflies...Oh My!!

2010-10-27T22:25:00.008-06:00

We had a Daddy/Daughter Halloween Party for Young Women's tonight. It turned out really cute. We were all suppose to make fun little treats for the party, and oh boy! did I deliver!! I made worms...yup...worms. They turned out great and weren't too hard, besides the fact that my fingers still hurt.

This is all you need to make creepy, crawly, VERY realistic looking worms.

It does help to have an adorable helper though.

You need LOTS of straws.

After the mix stays in the fridge all night, this is what it looks like before you empty the straws.

And TA DA!!!! Ohhy, gooey worms!!

The hardest part of making the worms is getting the set up mixture out of the straws; you have to use a rolling pin and your fingers. My hands are stained red and pretty sore.
The worms were a hit though!! It was fun to see everyone's reaction. I found the idea here. There are bunch of fun Halloween ideas on the site.

I also made these cute little witch hats. Making the ribbons out of frosting was a little harder than I had anticipated, but Emma helped with the rest and it wasn't too bad.

For lunch I made Christian and Emma these cute Mummy Dogs. They both ended up peeling them and just eating the hot dogs, but they looked cute!

I was feeling pretty crafty and ambitious, so Emma and I made these cute little gift bags for Emma's dance class. Emma sure loves to help me to do anything and everything.

This morning was also Emma's Preschool Halloween Party. She is a Monarch Butterfly this year. I guess she had an emotional day at school; her teacher said the other costumes scared her. She didn't cry, but had a sad little moan coming out of her most of the morning. If she was that scared with kids she knew in costumes, it will be interesting to see how Halloween goes.

She is so stinkin' adorable!!

I didn't want to wear my actual Halloween costume to the Daddy/Daughter party, so I used my cat costume I have had since college. I didn't wear the pants that I used to wear when I used this costume; it was twenty pounds and one child ago. So I improvised and used the crazy tights. I think it worked.

We have more Halloween fun to report on...this is only the beginning!!!

I Can Do Hard Things #1...

2010-10-25T13:12:00.005-06:00

I want to start a new series of posts that are entitled I Can Do Hard Things. They will talk about things I struggle with, but I know I can do. This first one was a biggie for me...

I have a very hard time stepping outside of my comfort zone. Doing anything that is new or unfamiliar is a challenge. A few weeks ago, I was invited to a Bloggers' GNO. I didn't know any of the ladies who were going to be there. I only had read one of the ladies blogs and met her for a brief moment when she so kindly donated to our adoption yard sale.

I really wanted to go, but not knowing anyone and just showing up by myself left me with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have been on this kick lately of feeling that I don't have any friends and I NEVER go and do anything with anyone. (Yes, it was my own personal pity party...nobody likes me. everybody hates me. guess I'll go eat worms.) I thought as an adult, the feelings of worrying what others think and worrying about being accepted would go away..not for me anyway. (Maybe some day when I grow up.) Anyway, I really wanted to go and meet new people and possibly make friends. After a lot of humming and hawing, I finally decided I would go. Marcus didn't think I would actually go because I don't do stuff like that; to show up where I don't know anyone and have to actually talk to strangers was WAYYY out of my comfort zone. But, boy, did I prove him wrong.

Not only did I end up going, but I had the BEST time meeting this awesome girls. And I do hope that the friendships I made that night will last.

These girls are AwEsOmE!!

From left to right:

Tylaine She is one of the sweetest people I have ever met.

Carrie Awesome girl!! I feel like I really clicked with Carrie.

Kellie She was nice enough to have all of us crazy girls in her house all night. Even though she told me she thought I was stuck up at first, I still think she is hilarious!! :)

Amy Who needs Google when Amy is around?! She is so smart and nice.

Me--ReMeMbEr the camera adds ten pounds and for some reason, I was the only one it seemed to have applied to.

Laura Laura is soo nice. I think she was my deciding factor in actually going. She sent me a nice little email telling me that I should come to the GNO. So glad she did!!

KyAnn Oh. My. Word. This woman is hilarious!! After just meeting her once, she is someone I all ready look up to. Wish she would share some of her courage and zest for life with me.

Then in this picture, we are all the same except Kellie took the picture and Crystal took her place.

Crystal I have been reading Crystal's blog from the beginning and she is awesome!! If I could have even a fourth of her hotness, I would be set. :)

Everyone of these gals have their own unique personalities and interests. I felt like I belonged. I didn't feel judged or inadequate at all. I don't think I have ever felt more comfortable right from the beginning with a group of people before. I hope we can continue to get together and have as much fun as I did that night.

Soccer!!

2010-10-21T23:41:00.002-06:00

Christian wanted to play soccer this season. He has actually been wanting me to sign him up for a couple of years now, but between baseball and basketball, I didn't think we needed soccer in there too. But, being the push over that I am, Christian is now on the Blue Dragons. They have been playing all fall with the last game of the season being on Saturday.

Christian is one of those kids that is just naturally good at anything he tries to do. I'm waiting for him to find something he doesn't enjoy and isn't good at...not listening to me doesn't count.
Anywho...he has really enjoyed this season of Soccer. Here are some action shots of him playing. The other day he scored three goals in one game. That's my boy!!

What a STUD!!

Last day of soccer is this Saturday, and then basketball starts next Saturday. He has so much energy; we have to keep him busy!! Now Marcus is thinking drum lessons too...we'll see.

"Mommy, You Are Being Kind of Mean"...

2010-10-20T23:35:00.004-06:00

"Mommy, you are being kind of mean." The three year old says this on a regular basis. Usually I am "being mean" when I make her eat her dinner or come in the house when she wants to play outside. But, when she said this to me this morning, she was 100% correct. Mommy was being mean. I was being horrible; it only took the three year old to point this out to me.

Mornings at our house aren't the best. Especially mornings when I didn't get much sleep the night before because two children, who shall remain nameless, wouldn't stay out of my bed. I love my children, but I love my sleep almost as much...sometimes, maybe more. :) So needless to stay, I wasn't on my A game this morning. Trying to get the three of us ready and out the door this morning wasn't going very smoothly. The way I was handling it obviously wasn't making things any better. I was snapping at the both of them and growling over the dumbest things. When Emma pointed out how horrible I was being, it really made me think.

I have noticed lately that I am so short tempered and snappy with Christian and Emma. I don't want to be the mom that is the "mean mom" or the one who is always yelling at the kids. My fuse has been very short lately. Time goes by so fast, and the little ones aren't staying little. These days won't last forever. I need to enjoy the fingerprints on the glass and the dirty socks left in the middle of the floor and the constant picking up of toys. Even the whining and bickering between the kids won't last forever...hopefully anyway.

So the next time Emma wants to play Little People or Barbies or even Potato Heads, I will be there. If Christian wants to go on a bike ride, even if we are in gloves and hats because it's getting so stinking cold, we will go on an awesome bike ride.

I prayed and begged and pleaded to have children. My prayers were answered and I need to appreciate that more. Every moment is precious. My kids deserve a better mommy. I want to hear, "Mommy, you are fun." Thank you Emma for giving me a different outlook on being a Mommy.

Yes, I was put in my place by a three year old.

So What???

2010-10-18T16:33:00.003-06:00

So what if I had Diet Coke for breakfast and cereal for lunch today?

So what if I don't think your little dog sitting in your shopping cart wearing a Halloween sweater is a service dog? Can't you read the sign that says "No pets allowed"? Dogs lick their own butts. Your dog licks you while you pet him for being a good dog in the grocery store. You touch the produce I am going to buy. Essentially, I am feeding my children dog butt. Leave your dog at home. It's just nasty. He is not your child.

So what if I am a hypocrite? I tell my children to grab a jacket and not wear flip flops when it's cold outside, then I am the one shivering like a frightened Chihuahua because I am wearing flip flops and no jacket. I make my children wear helmets when they ride their bikes, but don't wear one when I do. First, I hate riding bikes. I only do it for them. Second, I hate wearing helmets. I don't know if I even could suffer more brain damage. I mean, come on, have you met me?!

So what if I steal candy from my kids or make them give me the first bite of anything good they are eating? Someone has to taste it and make sure there isn't poison in it. I'll sacrifice myself for the love of my children.

So what if I think about becoming inactive just so I don't have to sit through Sacrament with Emma? She is pure evil, you know...especially during Sacrament.

So what if I don't let my kids eat cookie dough or cake batter? There are raw eggs in it, you know. My mommy magic makes me immune, so I can eat all the cookie dough and cake batter I want. (That's one of the perks of being the mommy.)

So what if I am deathly afraid of haunted houses? Why would you willfully want to be scared enough to possibly pee yourself? No thank you. You go, I will stay home and make you some nice hot chocolate and have a change of pants ready for you when you get home.

So what if my 13 year old step-daughter tells her friend I bug her? I must be doing my job then, right?

So what if I have three loads of laundry, dishes and vacuuming to do, but instead am sitting here on the computer? I think I know where my kids are. I saw them a few hours ago...

Friday Confessional #1...

2010-10-15T21:20:00.003-06:00

I found this fun link up the other day when I was wasting time looking at blogs instead of doing things I should have been doing.

*Even after being in a "blended family" for seven years now, the kinks aren't all ironed out.
*I don't think they ever will be.
*Maybe I am the evil step-mother and not the friend I thought I was.
*The three and five year old have been watching t.v for almost two hours because I don't want to get up to put them in bed.
*Maybe if they stay up late tonight, they will sleep in in the morning.
*You know you are an adult and a parent when sleeping in is 9:00 am.
*I'm thinking of stepping WAY out of my comfort zone tomorrow night and going to a meet up with a whole group of ladies I don't know.
*I hope they aren't crazy serial killers.
*I want to make new friends.

*I feel like I don't have many friends.

*I need more self confidence.

“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me.”

Latest Discoveries...

2010-10-13T19:54:00.000-06:00

I love finding new things that I like/enjoy/make my life easier. Here are a few things I have discovered the past few weeks that are oh so good.

I am not a fan of McDonald's or a fan of hot chocolate. But McDonald's hot chocolate is super delish!! We were doing a photo shoot up in Logan a couple of weeks ago and at 8 am it was close to 32 degrees. Brrr!!! So now I am obsessed with this stuff. Just in time for cold weather!!

I am trying to not drink as much soda pop as I have been. For about a two month period, I went cold turkey and had NO soda. I let myself have an occasional Diet Coke or Diet Mt. Dew, but nothing like I was. There was a point in time I was downing like 4-6 cans of Diet Coke a day. That's nasty!! I don't want to drink sugary juices and I can only drink so much plain water before I feel like I am drowning. The Hawaiian Punch Sugar Free drop ins have saved my life. They are so yummy. I add more water than it calls for so the flavor is even less than with a normal bottle of water.

I am not a huge fan of cheese flavored crackers. But these...Oh. My. Gosh!!! I could eat a whole box all by myself. Finding the reduced fat ones are a little harder, but so worth the hunt.

Are you noticing a theme here? Yes, I ReAlLy enjoy food!! I have never tried Nutella until a few weeks ago. I have seen it and heard about it, but never tried it for myself. I now know what was missing in my life. So Good!!

I don't sleep well at nights. My brain doesn't know when to shut off. Or if I do fall asleep, I can't stay asleep. Plus, I usually have two additional bodies in my bed besides Marcus and myself. (I know. I know. Don't let the kids sleep in your bed. That's a whole other post for another time.) Anyway, I read about Melatonin supplements and thought I would try them. They are my lifesaver!! They help me fall asleep, sleep better and when I wake up, I don't have that "I took a sleeping pill last night and now I am going to be loopy all day" feel that I have when I take other sleeping pills. They are awesome!!
Can't wait to go exploring and find me some other goodies.

Crafter Wannabe....

2010-10-07T14:01:00.009-06:00

I've finally been wanting to be creative (or at least pretend to be) after a very long dry spell. Here are some of the things I have done the last few weeks.

I made this from a blog I saw (and of course, can't remember for the life of me where) and it only cost me two bucks!! I love me some cheap stuff. The glass container is just a vase and a candle holder I bought at the dollar store. I used some gorilla glue to glue them together. To buy this in the stores, you are looking at around $24. I then made the moss balls by crumpling up a newspaper into a ball, covering it in tape and then using a hot glue gun to glue the moss on. I only burned myself a couple hundred times, but I think it was well worth it.

The new creation in it's home...for now. I rearrange stuff way to much. I wonder if there is a support group for that...excessive rearranging and decorating anonymous.

You like how the sneaky three year old how to be in the picture? She's a stinker!!

I also made Emma and all my little nieces these cute bow holders. I saw something similar to this at the Quilted Bear and knew and I could make it much cheaper than what they were selling it for. All I had to buy was the wood. My handy dandy husband used his big boy toys and cut them all nice and straight for me.

This one is Emma's. Now we just need to figure out how to make cute little bows and flowers to add to it. (Hint. Hint. Kim)

We painted the family room back in March. Okay, I guess I can't really say "we". It was right after my surgery and I still couldn't lift anything or hardly move, but I helped..a little. I am very good at telling Marcus what to do. I will put pictures up of the whole room once we are completely done. We still need to do the touch ups which is my job and that's why it hasn't been done yet. There is no way I am going to have paint out when the monkeys are home and when they are at school, I always seem to have too much other stuff to do. Finishing that room is on my to do list. Anyway, we painted this little arch way thing above the fireplace. I still can't decide if I like it green or not. I made the G and redid the photo frame on the mantle. In the past, I have always had big black candlesticks with candles in the archway, but I got tired of dealing with them melting every fall and winter from the fireplace. Duh, what did I expect? I think I like it, but I am not sold on the whole thing yet.

I also redid the candle stick and picture frame that I put in the sitting room. FYI: Emma's picture is in one of the small frames because she is the only one that wouldn't freak out if her picture was smaller than anyone else. Drama.

My goal lately is to simply and get our lives back in order. Things have been complete chaos and I'm taking my life back dang it!! I painted these clipboards and put them in the kitchen kind of as a "command center". The top one is for the week's menu...when I actually write one up. Then the other two are for school stuff, dance or soccer info, or anything kid related that I should be aware of. So far it is working out very well. I don't lose papers that the kids need for school and I can put the school calendars up there and always know where they are.

This doll house is going to be the death of me. I have been working on this thing for ages!! I need to finish the floors and the outside, but it's one of those projects I can't work on when Emma is awake because she wants to help paint and that doesn't usually go over well. Another "some day" project...but I'm closer than ever.

This wooden box thingamajig is the next project I want to do. I want to sand and repaint it and then reupholster the top. I'm wanting to get it done, but it keeps getting pushed to the back of the projects.

Here's to more crafting and great ideas!!

Linking up to:

Babies Come From Yard Sales...

2010-10-03T21:56:00.003-06:00

Christian has asked me twice this last week if I was going to have a baby. Um...what?? Why did he ask? Do I look pregnant? No. (or at least I hope not.) Have we talked about bringing a baby home lately? No. Why did he ask....because we had a yard sale.

Let me explain a little...

We had a yard sale this past summer to help us raise money to adopt another baby. In Christian's world, it only makes sense that since we had the yard sale, we should be having a baby. Oh, how I wish it were really that easy.

Unfortunately, we have had to put adding another baby into our family on hold...possibly forever. Wow..it's even hard to write that. To think that chapter in my life is over breaks my heart and I get a lump in my throat every time I am forced to think about it. What makes the situation even worse is that I have no say in the matter. It's all about money. Circumstances beyond our control has made it impossible to even think about adoption right now.

Why not just get pregnant again? I know you are thinking that. We had Emma, so why not go that route again? I have a couple of reasons and of course you know I am going to share those.

1. When I as 24 I was told I would never get pregnant. The way the doctor told me was just like she was diagnosing a sinus infection. It may not have been a big deal to her, but that one sentence changed my life forever. Obviously, I have proven the doctors wrong. We have actually been pregnant three times. One of those pregnancies resulted in a happy, healthy, very sassy baby girl. However, I don't know if I can get pregnant again and carry the baby to term. I don't think I even want to try.

2. My pregnancy with Emma has hell. Yes, the outcome was well worth every miserable minute, but the whole nine months were horrible. Now with two small children and more responsibilities, I don't think being sick for nine months is fair to anyone.

3. I don't think I can deal with the constant worrying every day that today may be the last day I am pregnant. The fear of losing the baby while I am pregnant is horrible.

4. I really want another beautiful brown baby. I can't give birth to a brown baby...well, I guess I could, but I don't think Marcus would like that. (I kid, I kid.)

5. I really feel strongly that we are to adopt again. I have felt this way for a long time and can't shake this feeling. I have learned a long time ago that I have no control how I become a mommy. I also know that it is not in my time that things happen..no matter how much I whine about it.

Maybe we aren't completely closing this chapter in our lives forever. Maybe we are just taking a very long intermission. I wish I knew...

So if Christian now thinks that babies come from yard sales, how long do you think I can I get by before we have to have "the talk"?? 18? 19?

Out of Whack...

2010-09-28T19:05:00.002-06:00

The month of September has kicked my butt. I have been crazy busy with no time to sit and catch my breath. Picture season has started in full force. I am more involved in the business now than I ever have been before. Young Women's requires my time, and with Christian being in school now, I am involved in the PTA. Add to all that all the running around for the kids between different school times, dance and soccer, trying to keep the house somewhat decent and time to unwind so I don't completely go insane, I am beat.

I am determined to find a way to make it all work. Unfortunatly I can't add any more hours in my day, I just need to find a way to balance my time better. With my working so much, my kids have not been the top of my priority list. Emma has been effected the most. Her whole life she has pretty much had all my attention all the time. Now that I haven't been able to give it to her, she is having attachment issues. Places she normally loves to go, (dance, preschool and nursery at church) she wants nothing to do with and freaks out if I try to leave her.

This week isn't as bad as the rest of the month so I am trying to use it to my advantage. I am making my kids a bigger priority and scheduling time for them, together and one on one. FYI: I went on a bike ride with Christian last night, and he kicked my butt. He totally schooled me!!
Emma can play Barbies and Little People like there is no tomorrow, and I have to admit, I am SoOoO sick of playing Little People with that little girl.

I am trying to get caught up on all my cleaning. I have finally realized that having a perfect house isn't worth. There were so many times I would tell the kids I couldn't play with them because I had to do the dishes or fold the laundry. My laundry room has exploded and my sink is now usually full. But we play and we play hard.

Trying to keep caught up on work stuff and Young Women's stuff is all about not procrastinating. I am the queen of procrastination.

There has to be a balance between work life, family life and "me" life. I just haven't found it yet. If anyone finds it, please share.

Oh! And the cherry on top, I just signed up to run the Ogden 1/2 marathon in May next year. Time to get training. Time that I don't have. I feel like I need something to work towards and a goal to accomplish. I all ready paid my money so I am committed.

I can do it all!!! Or maybe, it's the cold medicine doing all the talking and all I really want to do is hide in the basement!! :)

Not Always Rainbows and Butterflies...

2010-08-22T16:37:00.004-06:00

I have been MIA for awhile. I wish I could blame it on some wonderful vacation we have been on...laying on the beach drinking drinks with umbrellas in them. Or that we have been soo busy doing so many awesome activities this summer that I haven't had a chance to do anything but have fun. But truth be told, I haven't done anything. And I don't want to do anything. I don't want to go anywhere or see anyone. I have been in a dark place for awhile and just barely have decided it's time to let some light back in. We seem to be experiencing the "if it can go wrong, it will go wrong" syndrome the past four months. It's hard to stay positive and keep my head up with some of the things I have had to deal with. I'm not trying to have a pity party...I've had enough of those. I feel like I owe some people an explanation. I have let people down. I haven't upheld commitments. I have gotten lazy in my work and my church calling. My poor kids have seen a side of me I am not very proud of. I have had my faith tested. There are days I have stayed in my sweats all day and haven't done a thing. I have let my to do list get longer and longer and let my responsibilites and commitments take a back seat.

We have experienced financial problems, family problems and personal problems. Every time I thought I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, it turned out to be a train pushing me back off track. I have finally taken a step back and realized I have had enough. I will no longer sit back and feel sorry myself. I will be the mom I know I can be and the person that I know I should be. I'm still dealing with a lot of issues, but with the help of a little "happy pill" and an AwEsOmE family I am getting back to who I want to be. I have always thought I had to be perfect and try to do everything and be Wonder Woman. If I haven't learned anything else from these past four months, I can say that I have learned that I can't do it all and I am far from perfect.

Every blog I read seems to be about how perfect their little lives are and how perfect their family is. I am not afraid to write about the bad stuff. Life isn't always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes there are dark clouds and thunder storms. I think it's how we get through those hard times that define us and makes us who we are. I am Monica and I have issues.

HaPpY BiRtHdAy, EmMa!!!

2010-06-16T00:06:00.010-06:00

How does a little baby go from this...

...to this in a blink of an eye?

Happy 3rd Birthday, Emma.

Tiny Dancer...

2010-06-10T22:50:00.003-06:00

We signed Emma up for a Mommy and Me dance class this last fall. They had their Spring concert a couple of weeks ago. When classes first started, I had to ask myself, "What in the world did I do?" Emma didn't listen, didn't dance, didn't do much of anything. All she wanted to do was run around and then sit on my lap. Then after Christmas break, something just clicked. She is a totally different little dancer now. She was so excited for her concert. She loved it!! She knows the technical names of the a lot the moves and is dancing around the house all the time now. We weren't going to sign her up for summer classes, but after the concert she wouldn't stop talking about dancing or her class. So I caved and signed her up for summer classes. I don't stay with her anymore; she has moved up to the 3/4 year old class. It has been two weeks and she is still loving it.

She LoVeD her trophy and flower. After the concert we went and got ice cream...well sorbet for the little dancer. Emma did GrEaT! I was so worried she would just get on stage and stand there. I was very impressed. I love this little girl to pieces!!

Welcome To The Zoo...

2010-05-24T12:00:00.000-06:00

A couple of weekends ago, Marcus took his girls to a Brian Regan concert in St. George. I wasn't about to just sit at home with Christian and Emma so we went to the zoo with my sister and her girls. Christian hadn't been to the zoo in a long time and Emma had never gone. Emma loved it. Christian was on his own page that day and wanted to do his own thing, but it was fun.

They had to tell the giraffes hi from daddy.

Emma was the only one who would be in my pictures.

We had to ride the carousel and the train.

The day after the zoo Emma got sick and has been fighting it ever since. She has so politely passed it on to me. She said the snakes from the zoo made her sick. Stinkin' snakes!

This picture is just hilarious. The attitude on Emma's face is priceless!! She asked me to take their picture and she kept doing that exact same face.

This is a sneak peak of my next post..So FrEaKiN AdOrAbLe!!!

Happy Mother's Day...

2010-05-09T01:08:00.009-06:00

Happy Mother's Day to all you awesome moms out there!!

My Grandma and my mom

My awesome sister

My mom, grandma and sister are all three great moms and great examples to me. Thank you all for being a part of my life. You RocK!! LoVe Ya!!

And to this wonderful, awesome mom: Thank you for letting me become a mom. It was your precious gift that allowed me to become a mommy.

"He is mine in a way he will never be hers, yet he is hers in a way that he will never be mine. And, so, together, we are Motherhood."-Desha Wood

I love this quote by Marjorie Hinckley:

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.
I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor's children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know that I was really here and that I really lived".

I've Created a Monster...

2010-05-05T14:13:00.002-06:00

So everyone says that Emma looks just like me and my mom says that she acts just like I did when I was her age. (There is no way I was as sassy and stubborn as she is...nope, not possible.)

ignore the food on her face, after all, I did say she was like me...

I'm beginning to think she is more like me than I originally thought.

She can't play with her toys without lining them all up in very neat lines.

She is very proud of this habit she has. I think it's a little creepy, but at the same time, I couldn't be prouder!! She is my daughter after all.

Looks like it has moved onto her snack too.

Can you say OCD?
Like mother, like daughter.

Look Who's Back...

2010-05-03T21:26:00.004-06:00

It seems I have checked out the past little while. Between my surgery, all our business drama, wanting adopt again, and life, I have somehow lost who I am. I let the stress and negativity almost drown me. I almost lost faith and hope. I almost lost my faith in humanity. I let people's negative comments about my surgery effect me way more then I should have. I let people's questions about why we are wanting to adopt again now make me grumpy. (I know we are going through a lawsuit and don't have an extra penny to adopt right now, but I also know that we are suppose to adopt now. I know there is a baby out there for us. It may not happen right away, but I can't push aside the feelings I have.) Trying to get our adoption blog up, researching adoption and trying to find a way to make it work has given me something positive and happy to focus on amidst all this crap...

I haven't been a very pleasant person lately. But.....she's baaaack!!!

I feel like me again. I've gotten to the point where it's either sink or swim, and I have decided to swim. I haven't done anything crafty in months. I have lost all creativity I once had. But hopefully over time, it'll all come back. Here are a few things I accomplished this weekend:

I made marble magnets for Mother's Day and for Teacher Appreciation Day. I used my Cricut to cut the vinyl. It did an okay job but I couldn't put the letters on straight to save my life. I had everything I needed in my craft room except for the marbles. It turned out to be a really inexpensive project.

I also made little bucket's for Christian's and Emma's teachers for Teacher Appreciation Day. I filled them candy, a cute fat pen and the marble magnets. Now I just need to make sure the candy actually stays in there between now and Friday. I know a couple of little hands that like to swipe candy...okay, maybe my hands aren't so little...

I FINALLY finished Emma's growth chart. Never mind the fact that she will be three next month.

Painting these boards is a pain in the butt!!! I forgot how long it took me to do Christian's, and then as soon as I started Emma's, it all came back to me. Emma's chart has gone through a couple of wooden embellishments all ready. I think it was her way of telling me to get it done and on the wall all ready.

I also did a project for my Mom for Mother's Day, but can't post pictures. Here's proof that it was messy though!

We also put together Tammie's (Christian's birth mom) Mother's Day package. I always stress over what to send. There is nothing I could ever send her to let her know how much we love and appreciate her. She is an answer to our prayers and my biggest hero. There is nothing I could ever make or buy that would give her as much joy and happiness as the gift she gave us. She got some of the marble magnets as well. Christian made her a Mother's Day card and we wrote her a very long letter. Since we brought Christian home, we have been sending Tammie scrapbook pages for her to add to the book we gave her. It's nothing too fancy, but we all love it. I also ordered her a necklace from this cute little etsy shop. I love it and want to order one for myself soon.

I'm also trying to regain control of my house again. Laundry will not defeat me!!

I am also getting my butt kicked trying to get the yard sale organized for our adoption fundraiser. I never realized how much work goes into these things. If you have any pointers or tips on how to make things go smoothly, please share.

I have lots more projects to come. I am bound and determined to finished the blasted doll house before all the kids are too big to play with it!!

Sam I Am...

2010-04-27T21:10:00.004-06:00

I am a wife.
I am a mom...a step mom, an adoptive mom, a biological mom.
I am a daughter, a sister, a friend.
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
I am an adoption advocate.

I believe that their is a plan for all of us...we just have to live in a way to fulfill it.
I believe that deep down, all people are good...some just forget sometimes.
I believe that everyone is entitled to believe, think and feel how they want...just let me do the same.
I believe in happy endings.
I believe in organ donation.

I love my family.
I love the knowledge I have of eternal families.
I love laughter.
I love pretending I know what I am doing in life...
I love Diet Coke.

I fear failure.
I fear I am not a good mom.
I fear disappointing those I love.
I fear people getting to know the real me.
I fear losing faith, hope and my determination to get through these hard times.

I am afraid of birds, mice, and rabbits.
I am afraid of not living up to my full potential.
I am afraid of not fitting in.
I am afraid of letting loose and relaxing....I really need to work on that.
I am afraid of not being prepared for what lies ahead.

My family is going through some really dark and scary things right now. I need to remind myself to look past the now and focus on the future. Focus on all the possibilities the future holds. Forget about all the bad things that are happening now and know that things will only get better. Know without a shadow of a doubt that if I keep my faith and remember that I am a daughter of God, that we WILL be okay. I am an individual person that has struggles and is facing difficult times. I am me; I am not my struggles. The struggles, the difficult times, the fear--will not make me stop being who I am....I won't let them.

I am woman; hear me roar!!!

YuMmY...

2010-04-18T22:48:00.002-06:00

So what do we do at our house when the mommy has reached her stress level and is about to ExPLoDe??? We make CUTE cupcakes and eat them all up!!!

YuMmY!!

My own little cupcake!!

Making and decorating these cupcakes made me feel better. I released some stress and had fun doing it. Christian and Emma didn't mind the messed up ones and the Young Women got the good ones.

HaPpY AnNiVeRsArY!!!

2010-04-16T17:30:00.002-06:00

Seven years ago today, Marcus and I were married by my grandpa in the Bountiful Temple. We have been through a lot together in the past seven years; it all hasn't been rainbows and butterflies. There have been some thunderstorms and pesky insects along the way. I am grateful for the man I married and all he does for our family. I am grateful for the family that we do have together. Marcus is a very patient man; I am no walk in the park to deal with.

So to my awesome hubby:
Thank you for all you do for me our and family. Thank you for putting up with me and my never ending lists of demands and projects and moodiness. Thank you for the past seven years....here's to eternity!!!! I love you!
Happy Anniversary!!

I Need Your HeLp!!!

2010-03-10T15:57:00.004-07:00

I am planning to do a yard sale this Spring/Summer to raise money for our next adoption. I'm wondering if anyone has decent stuff they are wanting to donate to the yard sale to help us bring a baby home. I am also thinking of adding a bake sale into the day's activities. If you are willing to donate any baked goods to be sold, that would be great too. Or..if you are willing to donate your time to help me organize/advertise/run the show, that would be awesome as well. Leave me a comment, email me (monikamb1@gmail.com) or give me a call.

To The HaTeRs Out There...

2010-03-06T17:35:00.002-07:00

Unfortunately there are some people who have found the need to spend entirely too much time obsessing and critiquing every little thing my husband and I do. Seriously...get a life. Anyway, I want to clarify a few things for the idio...er...people who I guess need to hear it. Here goes.

When Marcus originally decided to help Juan in 2008 he was only going to help by raising money to help with their medical bills. They had no insurance and dialysis 3 times a week is very expensive. Marcus ended up also donating a kidney to Juan which was obviously a great thing for their family, but also added another huge financial burden. Kidney transplants can cost up to $100,000. We decided that the best way to help raise money for this family was to let the public know about Juan and Marcus' story. The media was notified and in the end we raised over $25,000 for Juan's family. Not the $100,000 we wanted, but a huge blessing for their family nevertheless.

This was never about Marcus bragging about what he did. He in fact complained constantly about all the interviews and attention that he really wasn't comfortable with. If this was just about him getting attention for himself he would have posted and bragged about the other awards he received both locally and nationally and the invitations to speak at events, but you have probably not heard a word about most of them from him because he hasn't really told anyone except his mother. He even got mad at me when I mentioned one very cool honor he got to our bishop.

Now to my story. I decided to get tested as a donor in 2008 when we found out about Juan. I was next in line to get tested if Marcus was not a match. We obviously never got to that point. Going through this whole process with Marcus and meeting many, many sick people through our work with the Kidney Foundation that followed made me certain that I still wanted to donate. No fan fair, no money to raise this time, just me donating anonymously. However, we were contacted last week and asked if we would be interested in doing a story for National Kidney Month to raise awareness on kidney donation and help inspire others to consider donation. I wanted no part of the hoopla I saw Marcus go through, but could not say no to the chance to help inspire others and possible help save more lives. We decided to go ahead with it because it was the right thing to do, not because we wanted the attention. Since the story ran on channel 4 news we have all ready been contacted with questions on how to get tested to become a donor. So my decision to step outside of my comfort zone was 100% worth it regardless of what you think my motives may have been.

You should be embarrassed at your stupid post and comments that caused me to have to write this. I am insulted that you would question my character and intent on something like this. Just let something good be something good and don't concern yourself with my life and why I do what I do. Sheesh.....jealous much?!

Love Always,
Monica

Our News Story...

2010-03-04T19:28:00.003-07:00

Here is our interview from ABC4 we did today. You get to meet the amazing Pepe; he is so awesome!! I would love to point anyone in the right direction if you are interested in kidney donation. Not only have I helped Pepe out, I got a new blankie from the hospital I can't sleep without, (Yes, I am 30 years old and I have a blankie...) I get a $10,000 tax write off and I lost 12 pounds from the surgery. Why would anyone NOT want to donate?!

Everybody PoOps....

2010-03-03T19:37:00.004-07:00

I hate potty talk. I hate talking about pooping or anything related to it. I hate the use of the word f@rt and t*rd...they are almost as bad as some other four letter words. Potty jokes drive me crazy. Marcus and I have been married for almost seven years and together for nine years. In all this time, I have never passed gas in front of him. I wish I could say the same thing about him.... It's like I have a fear of poop and hate talking about it with other people. Just the word "poop" sounds dirty...and not in the good way. Anyway, why am I telling you this? Since having surgery, talking about poop occurs daily. Before I left the hospital, I was forced to talk about "it" with several people in the room. I thought giving birth made me lose all my dignity; I was wrong. I have been forced to face my fear dead on. Now, talking about poop is dinner time conversation. I can give you the low down on laxatives, enemas, suppositories...you name it. You have a question on poop, I'm your gal. My fear of "it" isn't as severe. I guess when you are forced to deal with something, you can't help but embrace it and deal. So go grab a magazine, turn on the fan, wipe well and don't forget to wash your hands.

Boys do it.
Girls do it.
People on TV do it.
For any of you who have seen
Elmo Goes Potty,
you can thank me later for getting that
song stuck in your head.

Family Photography

2010-03-01T01:52:00.005-07:00

My husband's new photography website is up and running. Check it out and let me know if you want/need pictures done.

Marcus Gilbert Photography

Things They Don't Tell You When You Decide to Donate a Kidney...

2010-02-23T22:10:00.001-07:00

As most of you know, I donated my kidney on Feb. 11. I was in the hospital a little longer than expected, but I have been home for a week now. I am going crazy--I'm not going to lie. I don't remember Marcus' recovery being this difficult. I am not the kind of person who asks for help or enjoys just sitting there while others do everything. I am very independent...or depending on who you ask, down right stubborn and hard headed. So to just have to sit around and watch others do everything is driving me crazy. I can't even bend over and pick something up that I dropped. A small child could get lost in the forest that has grown on my legs; I can't bend over to shave my own legs or even wash my own feet. I can't pick up my babies or do much with them at all. I am slowly getting better. I feel like I take three steps forward and five steps back. The pain medicine makes me loopy and tired; I am sick of sleeping my days away. Today was the first day with out pain medication; can I get a WHOOP! WHOOP!!

The doctors and living donation staff people go over a lot of info with you before your surgery to make sure you know what to expect. They do a mental health screening on you that takes about an hour. I'm still trying to figure out how I passed that part. The surgeons make sure you understand exactly what you are doing. They are so thorough on their part, I often felt like they were trying to talk me out of the surgery. The whole staff did an excellent job, but there was stuff they didn't cover.

Things they don't tell you when you deciding to donate a kidney:

1. Saying goodbye to your babies the night before surgery is harder then the surgery it's self. I had to be at the U of U hospital at 6 am so we took Christian and Emma up to my mother in law's the night before. I HATED saying goodbye to those two beautiful children. I know the surgery was safe and I was doing the right thing, but I am also a "what if" kind of person. Nobody knows what could have happened, and I could have been saying goodbye for the last time.

2. When most patients wake up from a surgery like this, they have what is called (or I call anyway) a pain ball inserted into the incision. I was sure to tell the surgeon that I wanted one as well. It makes the incision basically numb and the pain manageable. I did indeed get my pain ball, but the OR nurse didn't turn it on. The day of surgery was HELL...there is no sugar coating it. Once the pain ball took affect and I was coherent enough to realize I had my own morphine button, life improved drastically.

3. Recovery for the donor is always harder then it is for the recipient; you are perfectly healthy before surgery, they rip an organ out of your stomach and then your body has to mend. Surgery was on a Thursday, by Saturday I still hadn't been able to get out of bed; they couldn't get my nausea and lightheadedness out of control. Two days after surgery, in walks the guy who has my kidney. He wanted to see how I was doing and saw hi. He looked awesome. He was walking all by himself and looked great; pathetic little Monica couldn't even get out of bed. He also left the hospital before I did. Normally, recipients are in the hospital for at least a week, he left after five days. My kidney RoCkS!! They don't tell you the absolute JOY you will feel when you see the person you helped walk out of the hospital looking like nothing every happened. I wish nothing but the best to this great person and his family.

4. Your mother will call you EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

5. You will be miserable, in pain and sometimes flat out questioning yourself "What in the #$@* did I just do?" But you will never regret being an example to your children about helping out other people. You will never regret giving someone a new, better life. You will never regret listening to the promptings of the spirit that told you all along to help your fellow man, even when you were scared and second guessing yourself. You will never forget meeting the recipient and his wife for the first time the day before surgery and just the pure look of appreciation and gratitude on their faces.

Look Who's Five...

2010-01-27T03:30:00.001-07:00

On this day in 2005 at 10:37 am weighing 4 lbs 1/2 ounces and measuring 21 inches long, Christian William made this world a better place.

We were fortunate enough to become his parents a year later. That day changed our lives forever.

Happy Birthday, Buddy. You truly are a miracle and an answer to Mommy's prayers.

You are so talented, even at such a young age. You never fail to amaze and inspire me.

You have a smile and belly laugh that can make all the bad in the world seem good.

You are a free spirit and do what you want...even against Mommy's wishes.

You have made me want to be a better person. I love the fact that I got to hold you while Daddy was giving you a name and blessing; it was a very special day for us.

You have grown up so much; it hurts me to think about how much time has past and how big you are getting. You are starting Kindergarten this year. You are excited, Mommy...not so much.

You have always been a ham. You see a camera and you are ready for the shot.

I love how tender hearted you are. You are a mommy's boy and I love it!! I love how every Fast Sunday you HAVE to get up and bare your testimony. I know I complain because I feel like since I am up there with you, I have to bare mine too, but I'm so thankful that at four years of age, you all ready are gaining your own testimony and you love to share it with others.

Right now, you LoVe Buzz Lightyear, Sponge Bob, Phineas and Ferb, playing drums and guitar, playing basketball, riding your bike and playing with Daddy.

You are awesome little man!! I hope you have a great birthday and a great year! You have many adventures ahead. I know I can't always protect you from the evil ways of the world, but just remember how much I love you and how wonderful you are.

Happy Birthday, sweets!

I know that I am not always as patient with you as I should be. And sometimes you know exactly what buttons to push to send me over the edge. And sometimes you won't eat your dinner or clean your room. And sometimes you need me to cuddle with you longer than I can. And sometimes you like to be ReAlLy loud and forget what your inside voice sounds like. And sometimes you like to play your drums longer and louder than I can tolerate. But just remember that I ALWAYS will think you are the best. And I will ALWAYS be here for you-no matter what. And I will ALWAYS think you are my sweetheart--even when you are 16 and want nothing to do with me. And the kissy monster will ALWAYS be around, ready to attack. And no matter what, I will ALWAYS love you. Happy Birthday, Christian.

Love,
Mommy

Love @ First Sight...

2010-01-24T15:30:00.003-07:00

This little dude is going to be five next week. He will be going to Kindergarten in September...excuse me while I blubber for awhile. He is an answer to my prayers and my little sweetheart. I get to be his mommy. We are coming up on the four year anniversary of meeting this wonderful little boy and bringing him into our crazy family. FOUR YEARS!! Where has the time gone? This chubby cheeked, big eyed baby has grown up. These pictures are from the first night we met him and his wonderful birth mom, Tammie.

Couldn't you seriously just chew on those cheeks all day??? Yummy!!

He was on the move that night and hasn't stopped since.

This is Christian's adorable sister, Summer. They look so much alike.

Adoption has been on my mind a lot lately. I want to share our wonderful adoption story of Christian; I just haven't had the chance to sit down and type it all up. I will work on it; It's worth sharing and worth reading.

Chave...

2010-01-12T22:35:00.003-07:00

Marcus and Christian have started a band together. Christian plays the drums and sings and Marcus plays guitar, but is NOT allowed to sing. Their first big hit is Book of Mormon Stories. It's the cutest thing ever!!! Marcus asked Christian what their band name was, and without even thinking about it, Christian said, "Chave"...and the rest is history. Christian's name in the band is Hive and Marcus' name is Dad-doo. You can't call Christian Hive unless he is practicing with his band or he gets upset.

I know that every parent thinks their kids are great at everything and the best at what they do, I am no different. Christian has serious musical talent. This little boy can sit down on the drums and blow me away. He can figure out the beat to most songs he hears and you can even tell what song he is playing. He gets frustrated with me when I sit down to try to drum. He has sat down with me to teach me a beat and then gets frustrated when I can't do it; the four year old is better!!

They have gotten big enough to make band t-shirts. Marcus had Christian draw a picture of the two of them, and then Marcus put them onto t-shirts. I am still waiting for mine.

This is the t-shirt design Christian did.

Christian getting his groove on. He had to wear his shirt to school on Monday.

Chave!

Rock On!!

Taking Control...

2009-12-27T17:43:00.004-07:00

FINALLY!! A new post over at Idea Emporium!! Check it out!!

Merry Christmas!!

2009-12-23T21:59:00.004-07:00

Christmas Time...

2009-12-12T14:05:00.007-07:00

The day after Thanksgiving, the little ones and I drove to Vernal to spend time with my family. Vernal does this big day after Thanksgiving celebration to bring Christmas into full force. They have a craft fair called Santa's Workshop and then later on Friday they have a parade and a whole bunch of activities downtown. It was FrEeZiNg but the kids had a lot of fun.

Christian and Emma both got their faces painted. Emma wouldn't let me wash it for two days.

I wasn't prepared for how cold it was going to. Emma had to borrow gloves from my Mom...I will know for next year to bring ALL their snow and cold weather gear.

Luckily, we had Christian's blanket in the car with us. He was bundled up nice and cozy.

For some reason, my mom always makes me put up her Christmas tree. She is lucky that I love decorating trees!! The little ones had a good time helping me decorate it.

We came back on Sunday and put up our own Christmas tree.

I'm a little bit of a control freak with it comes to putting up the Christmas tree...okay maybe more than a little bit. We decorate it as a family, then I kick everyone out of the room so I can add the finishing touches and fix any spots that need fixing. Can you say OCD?

All Done!!

Other holiday decorations that I put up through out downstairs. I love decorating the house for Christmas. I would leave the decorations up all year if I could.

Gotta love Christian's black Santa. He is a stud!

It seems like it hasn't stopped snowing for a few days. The little ones love playing out in it....me, not so much.

I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season. I am a lot more relaxed about Christmas this year. In years past, it has been so stressful. This year I think I am finally realizing the true meaning of Christmas. Pretty sad that it only took me 30 years! With the sales at both restaurants being down, we don't have the money we usually do this time of year, and in a way, I am glad. We go overboard every Christmas and the kids get spoiled. I want them to know that Christmas is really about serving others and doing nice things for people. Enjoy the next few weeks of 2009!!!

Pure Joy...

2009-12-07T00:08:00.002-07:00

The pure joy on Christian's face in these two pictures make my day. He is so awesome. To be a kid again where you have no real concerns, problems or issues...I want to experience life through Christian's and Emma's eyes. I have gotten a lot more relaxed on many of my OCD issues; it's not worth it. Life is too short. My house has exploded and is a mess right now. But I had fun with my kiddos this weekend. The dishes and laundry will always be there, but the young years of these two beautiful children will not. This week we will have another tea party, go look at Christmas lights and make ornaments for our tree. I love being a mommy.

Holiday Wish List Meme...

2009-11-16T20:59:00.004-07:00

Mama's Holiday Wish List Meme

TodaysMama and Provo Craft are giving away a sleighful of gifts this holiday season and to enter I'm sharing this meme with you.

1. What 5 items are on your holiday wish list this year?

*Victoria Secret's new Miraculous Push-up bra. Dude, have you seen this thing?? I want one SoOoOoO bad!

*Snuggie.....yes, really.

*Gift Cards..you can never go wrong with gift cards.

*Paint. I really want to paint some walls in my house. I have been staring at Mushroom Basket walls for almost seven years...I'm ready for color.

*Jeans. All my jeans show my crack..maybe it wouldn't be a big deal if it was a cute crack, but really it shouldn't be showing its self off.

2. What is your favorite handmade gift you have received?

I am so bad at remembering gifts. I know I have gotten some good ones. The first one that pops into mind is the pillowcase that Marcus made me one year. Before we brought Christian home, Marcus had a job that made him travel a lot so he was gone for weeks at a time. He didn't want me to get lonely while he was gone or have to sleep alone, so he ironed a transfer of his head on a pillow case. I am still traumatized by the whole event.

3. What handmade gift have you always wanted to tackle?

I want to learn to make the cute little hats and scarves that are so popular and cute right now. For some reason, I can't knit...my brain just doesn't work that way.

4. What was the best Christmas gift you received as a child?

They always say that when you grow up, you aren't going to remember the actual gifts you received; you will remember things that you did and the fun you had. This is so true for me. I don't remember a single present I got as a kid, but I do remember all the fun we had. I have always loved opening presents so when I was younger, I would get stuff I all ready had and wrap it just so I had more stuff to open on Christmas morning. Yes, I know...DoRk!!

5. What items are on your kid's wish list this year?

Emma told me the other day she wants games, band-aids and fruit snacks. I asked her if she wanted anything else, and the smart little two year old that she is said, "No, that's plenty."

Christian wants every toy he sees on TV right now.

6. What is your favorite holiday food?

That's like asking a mom to pick her favorite child. I won't choose and you can't make me.

7. What will you be hand-crafting for the holidays?

I'll be lucky if I get my cards made this year.

8. What is your favorite holiday movie?

I don't have a favorite one, but the one I HaTe with a capital H is Christmas Story. I don't know what it is about that movie, but I can't stand it!!

9. Favorite holiday song?

I love Christmas music...just after Thanksgiving at least.

10. Favorite holiday pastime?

Eating, shopping, eating, spending time with family, decorating, eating, baking...I love it all!!

October Review...

2009-11-11T19:59:00.004-07:00

My computer and I have been separated far too long. Marcus' computer bit the dust, so he hijacked mine until he got a new one. Then my computer decided to be dumb; it keep shutting itself down in the middle of me doing stuff. So when I finally got it back, we cuddled and snuggled and made up for lost time. Now that it's had time to recover, here is our October in Review.

Early in the month, we went to the 3D showing of Toy Story 1 and 2..yes, that's right, two movies in a row. I have heard this movie a zillion times from the car DVD player but had only seen it once before. My parents came out and my sister and her family came too. It was a fun afternoon. Christian was way excited. He convinced me to buy him a Buzz Lightyear shirt, and he also brought his Buzz, Woody, Jessie and Bulls Eye dolls with him. This is one boy who loves him some Toy Story.

Emma, on the other hand, could really have cared less....

Christian LoVeS being outside. He had to be in the pictures I was taking of our pumpkins on steroids. I don't know what happened to our pumpkins this year, but we only got five and they were HuGe!!

Christian and Emma's preschool went to a pumpkin patch for a field trip, so we did get a few normal sized pumpkins.

The three of us went down to Draper with my sister and went to a little pumpkin patch/fair thing. It was freezing and kinda lame, but the kids had fun.

I didn't want anymore pumpkins at the house, so Christian and Emma chose the little, tiny pumpkins.

I made these little critters for a Young Women's Daddy/Daughter party. Cute huh?!

This too...I don't like cheesecake or white chocolate so I wasn't tempted to eat the leftovers; it worked out well.

I think this was the last Halloween that I got to decide what Christian would be. Isn't he the cutest Peter Pan you have ever seen????

Emma was soooo excited to be Tinkerbell. She talked about it forever! So cute!!

Wendy, Peter Pan and Tinkerbell.

We went to our Ward Trunk or Treat and then around the neighborhood for a few minutes. It was a good Halloween.

Donor of the Year...

2009-10-30T13:39:00.002-06:00

Awhile back Marcus was honored by the Utah Idaho Kidney Foundation as their "Donor of the Year." We attended a meeting where he was presented with a plaque and we met a few famous people...Utah famous anyway. Jake Garn presented Marcus with the award. He used to be a senator and also has been to space. Getting the award from somebody like Senator Garn meant a lot to Marcus I think. We also attended a Candle Light Walk last Friday honoring living donors at Library Square. Marcus was asked to speak on living donation. They honored some amazing people that night so for Marcus to be involved with that was kinda cool.

Last year when Marcus and I decided we wanted to help Juan and his family, we never imagined it would turn into what it has. I think the awards, speeches, interviews and hoopla is finally done...which is really nice. I know Marcus is glad to be done with all the attention. He donated his kidney to help Juan and HATES getting all this attention and being told how great he is. We both would like to think that what he did was what anyone would do given the situation. I am a firm believer in organ donation. To learn more about organ donation go here.

My New Bathroom...Kinda...

2009-10-20T13:34:00.006-06:00

I found this awesome site a few weeks ago when I was working...okay, pretending to be working. I have to confess my love for this blog!! It has given me soooo many great ideas that I want to try. I decided to start participating in the DIY day she has every week. Maybe that will help motivate me to get off my lazy butt and get all my projects going that I can't seem to find the time for. I could spend hours and hours looking over all the past DIY day posts...that is if Christian and Emma could cook, clean, do their own laundry, etc. etc. Hey, a girl can dream can't she?!

Marcus and I started this project months ago. We kept putting it off or were too busy to finish, but we are finally finished...mostly. We need to touch up the walls where I made him take the towel racks down, but for some reason we got more of the paint that is the ExAcT color and brand of our current walls and it doesn't match. So painting has to wait. I know the anticipation is killing you...let you wait no longer...

My old bathroom:

I've always loved my bathroom and when we were looking for new houses a few months ago, I kept comparing every bathroom to mine. I just wanted to spruce it up a bit and give it a more personal touch. It's nothing huge, but I love it!!

Appearing for the first time...my new bathroom!!!

I came across a blog awhile ago where they added a frame around their bathroom mirror...I would love to give credit where it is due, but I couldn't find that site again; believe me, I tried...So we spray painted the molding with some black textured spray paint and then used liquid nails to glue it to the mirror. I LoVe it.. I'm debating whether or not to paint the white cabinet on the wall black to match everything else...or it might be too much black if I do. For now, it's okay.

Marcus hung curtain rods up, but now he refuses to ever hang curtain rods in the house again. Whatever. :)
I have a new obsession with black spray paint. It's my new love. I bought some candle sticks at the Dollar Store and spray painted them black. They look much better then I thought they would.

My tub is usually covered in bath toys...no, not mine. It's so much easier to bathe Christian and Emma in my big tub then in theirs. Taking the picture made me have to actually put the toys away.

Marcus built a shelf in the toilet room and then I used more spray paint to make the frames match. I like this setup much more then the metal shelving before.

Now I want to redo the hall bath, but I have far too many projects either all ready in progress or that need to be done before I get to that room.

One project down, way too many to go.

I'm A Big Kid Now...

2009-09-18T23:40:00.005-06:00

Christian started his last year of preschool last week. It's so hard to imagine next year he will be off to Kindergarten!! He loves school and his teacher.

He is such a poser!! He will never let me just take a normal picture.

There he goes..he wasn't even sad or hestitant. He was like, "Okay, Mom..bye..you can leave now."

Little Miss Emma Catherine also started her first day of school!! Their daycare does a toddler program that Christian did when he was two also.

This is how excited she is to be going...

But then I told her there would be cookies..

Emma loves it!!! Her teacher Miss Stacie is awesome!!

Can you believe how big she is?! Where did my baby go??

This was when I picked her up...she was all ready to go.

Aren't they just the cutest??

The next two pictures are just stinking adorable!!

Hopefully their love for school will last a long time!!!!

On a totally different note, Emma is potty trained!! My two year old loves me!! I no longer have to change nasty diapers; that chapter is closed...for now anyway.

Peachy...

2009-09-14T23:13:00.004-06:00

Last week I decided to do something I have never done before; I made homemade peach jam. It was definitely a learning experience. I only had Emma home with me; Christian was at his first day of preschool. Emma watched a lot of Dora that day. I set out to do one batch and ended up making 35 jars of jam. It took me all stinking day!!

I had to call my mom to figure out how to peel the peaches...I'm not smart, I know.

They were so slimy and icky to cut into pieces. It was actually quite gross.

I was a bad judge of how many peaches to cut, which might explain why I did 35 jars.

I got smart after the first batch and moved the burning, hot, sticky liquid into a bigger pan so I didn't get burned...again...and my stove unit may never be the same again.

I don't have all the official equipment for canning, but I made do. I only burned myself a few times and said a couple of cuss words..but if no one heard me, it doesn't count, right? RIGHT?!

My biggest gripe about the whole thing was how big of a mess it made. i tried to clean up as I went, but it didn't work. While one batch was processing, that was my "I really am not ignoring my daughter all day. Let me play with you for 20 minutes Emma before I ignore you again for 45 minutes" time.

Oh the yummy goodness that finally made the whole thing worth it.

My next project is redoing the doll house for Emma that has been in the basement collecting dust for the past couple of years. It's taking me A LOT longer then I initially anticipated.
I am also working on making blankets to donate to the Women and Children's center for a Personal Progress project. So if you have any extra material, yarn or batting you have just sitting around, give me a holler and I would love to take it off your hands. Or even better, if you want to help me tie some, I may reward your hard work with some yummy jam!!